Wikipedia:Peer review/Hawaii hotspot/archive1

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Hawaii hotspot

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because its approaching a FA nom, and I need feedback. I'm not very impressed with how my prior reviews gathered dust, but let's see what happens.

Thanks, ResMar 23:42, 29 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

This article is a joint project being undertaken by both me and ResMar, in order to bring it up to FA standards. I will be assisting with any issues and/or comments. And as a side note, the technical issues raised by the automated peer review have been addressed. ErgoSum•talk•trib 21:00, 30 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Dtbohrer: Very well written and very intersesting, could become an FA with some work.

General

  • I believe "Hawaiian-Emperor" needs an En dash, instead of a hypen, per WP:DASH
    • Should I just change the name of the target article to include an ndash? --ErgoSum•talk•trib 23:25, 3 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
You could if you want, but piping the link also works. Also, I notice that there are a couple instances of "Pacific-Kula" that need an En dash as well. --​​​​D.B.talk•contribs 00:11, 4 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Changed. --ErgoSum•talk•trib 23:30, 5 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Is there any reason why the units of measurements cannot be written out instead of abbreviated?
  • Alternating of "Emperor seamount" and "Emperor Seamount", one set of capitilazion should be used consistently (probably "Emperor seamount")
  • Overlinking
    • Last but not least, I have gone through the body of the article and have given it a thorough checking for duplicate wikilinks. It is normally standard for duplicate links to exist in the introduction, tables, and captions, so I left those alone. --ErgoSum•talk•trib 02:12, 7 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Intro

  • "The Hawaii hotspot created at least 129 volcanoes (more than 123 extinct volcanoes, seamounts, and atolls; four active volcanoes; and two dormant volcanoes) arranged in an arc known as the Hawaiian-Emperor seamount chain."
    • Is their a way for this to be rephrased to avoid the parentheses?
  • "A bend at 41 and 43 million years of age sharply divides the Hawaiian and Emperor sections of the chain;" : A bend in what?
    • Most describe this as a bend or break in the direction of, the hotspot trail or tail.
    • Suggest: "A bend in the chain at 41 and 43 million years of age sharply divides the Hawaiian and Emperor sections;"
  • "Million years of age" Could that number be expressed in "million years ago" instead, to keep consistency?

Hotspot theory

  • "...the nearest plate boundary is more than 3,200 km (1,988 mi) away." Out of curiosity, which plate boundary is the closest?
    • I have been unable to find out. The source does not say, and when I google that, I find a thousand pages which have used our source as the source for that information. Just looking at this map, I would say the Juan de Fuca Plate. --ErgoSum•talk•trib 20:28, 4 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "V-shaped break": Elsewhere in the article, its described as an "L-shaped bend"
Yeah it is...but I think one of them should be used consistently too avoid potential confusion. --​​​​D.B.talk•contribs 20:36, 4 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Changed all to "L-shaped bend". --ErgoSum•talk•trib 23:30, 5 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...about 129 (mostly extinct) volcanoes and stretches over 5,800 km (3,604 mi)..."
    • Reworded to sound better IMO: "...about 129 volcanoes, most of which are now extinct, and stretches over 5,800 km (3,604 mi)..." (I note that the phrase "most of which are now extinct" is used elsewhere in the article, but I cannont think of another way phrase right now)
  • "(see map above)": Is this needed? If it is, the satellite map showing the bend is farther down the page.
  • "(see the section Challenges to the hotspot theory)": Again, needed?
  • "heat slowly rise a few centimeters a year (due to molten rock's high viscosity),"
    • Reword: "...heat rise slowly, a few centimeters a year, due to the molten rock's high viscosity,"
  • "...but does not melt the (usually) highly metamorphosed silicate rock..."
    • Reword: "...but does not melt the often highly metamorphosed silicate rock..."

Characteristics and study

History
  • "...Hawaiian isles" Why not "Hawaiian islands"?
Changed. --ErgoSum•talk•trib 23:30, 5 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "NOAA": The full name should be used in the first instance, acommpanied by its acronym per WP:MOSABBR
Changed. --ErgoSum•talk•trib 23:30, 5 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "on Hawaii island": Clarification, Is this the island that is commonly known as the "Big Island"?
Yes, it is known as the island of "Hawaii", or "Big Island". Which would you prefer? "Big Island" is more of a nickname, its official name is "Hawaii". --ErgoSum•talk•trib 23:30, 5 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "utilized submersibles (both manned and remotely operated), dredge samplings, and core samples"
    • Reworded: "utilized manned submersibles, remotely operated underwater vehicles (ROVs), dredge samplings, and core samples"
Changed. --ErgoSum•talk•trib 23:30, 5 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Characteristics
  • "(not surprisingly)": Remove, as someone may actually find it surprising.
Removed. --ErgoSum•talk•trib 23:30, 5 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...tallest mountain in the world, at 33,476 ft (10,203 m) (compared to 29,028 ft (8,848 m) for Mount Everest, as measured from sea level)." Per WP:MOS, sets of parentheses should not be adajacent to each other
    • Suggest: "...tallest mountain in the world, at 33,476 ft (10,203 m), compared to Mount Everest at 29,028 ft (8,848 m) measured from sea level."
Changed. --ErgoSum•talk•trib 23:30, 5 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...enough to cover California with a lava blanket about 1.5 km (1 mi) thick.": Lava blanket?
    • Suggest: "...enough to cover California with lava about 1.5 km (1 mi) thick."
Changed. --ErgoSum•talk•trib 23:30, 5 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Could the 0.00__ km³ or 0.0_ km³ measurements be changed to m³, as thousandth or hundrendth of a kilometer cubed is hard to visualize.
Changed to hectometer and cubic yards for brevity (the largest units that could reasonably accommodate the figures). --ErgoSum•talk•trib 00:10, 6 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The seamount will soon be destroyed (within a few million years, at the current rate of motion) as the Pacific Plate slides under the Eurasian Plate; the existence of older seamounts that may have already been destroyed by subduction is currently (as of 2009) a disputed issue.": "Will soon be destroyed...within a few million years" is kinda anticlimatic, also split sentence. The "as of" statement will eventually become outdated.
    • Suggest: The seamount will be destroyed within a few million years as the Pacific Plate slides under the Eurasian Plate at its current rate of motion. The existence of older seamounts that may have already been destroyed by subduction is disputed.
The "as of 2009" part is pretty standard, see {{As of}}. But I have changed the rest of it to reflect your version. --ErgoSum•talk•trib 00:10, 6 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

You may wish to contact some others editors to add comments to provide a different point-of-view (I know of a few who would most likely be willing to). Also, consider reviewing an article from the backlog, which is how I found this article. --​​​​D.B.talk•contribs 18:19, 3 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Can someone please close this PR so we can progress to FAC? Thanks.

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