Wikipedia:Peer review/Herb Mitchell (actor)/archive1

Herb Mitchell (actor)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I wanted to nominate this article as GA, but I'm not very sure. This is about a person who is no longer with us, not a fiction-related.

Thanks, George Ho (talk) 05:42, 10 September 2012 (UTC)

Yomangani's comments

• It should be in American English so "theater" rather than "theatre" (though this spelling might be a grey area for AmEng there is less risk of "correction")
• "in live theatrical performances" - "in the theater"? As you've already specified he was an actor there's no worry that we will think he is a surgeon or scenery shifter

  Actually that is a stupid suggestion as it introduces a category error - just drop the "live". Yomangani^talk 21:47, 27 September 2012 (UTC)

• The infobox has more information about his personal life than the article proper. (It also specifies "Los Angeles" in the Residence field which is only partially true. You can leave this field blank, it is not mandatory)
• "Early life and career" - perhaps just "Early life" as it is less ambiguous.
• '...which associated him with the motto "We measure success one investor at a time."' - did the commercial associate him with the motto (as part of the pitch) or did he become associated with the motto due to the repeated showing of the commercial?
• '"three forms of cancer"' this quote will need a reference inline
• The paragraph beginning "In 1992, while living in Los Angeles..." needs some attention. It is a bit jumbled. He buys a house in Blue Hill, waits over ten years to move there while either battling cancer or still battling it. We are then informed that his family is already living there (which part of his family is that? When did they move there?) He then semi-retires (when is "then"?) but still appears in some live performances "there" (where is "there"? in Blue Hill?)
• "Over the years, he was mentored by "his longtime musical collaborator Sheldon Bisberg" to perform songs well and accurately." - this is a bit of an anti-climax. Performing "well and accurately" is probably less than he was aiming for. "Call me a fool and a hopeless dreamer, but one day I believe people will hear me and say 'Listen, he's playing well and accurately'"
• "Mitchell was the father of four children with his first wife, Scarlett Kinney, and one daughter with his second wife, Janet Ahearn." - we already know he is the father of four children, but details of his marriages could have been introduced earlier.
• "On January 4, 2011, he died in the Blue Hill home of his daughter Kathy and her husband" - was he living with them?
• "He was privately buried in spring 2011." - he died in at the start of January, did he lay in state for 3 months?
• "He was paid a primary tribute in Blue Hill on September 17, 2011." - what is a primary tribute?

The article is a bit cursory - you can still see the seams where it was gleaned from obituaries - but I suppose there is little literature discussing him. I'm sure you can get this to GA with a little work but I don't think it would be worth the effort to try to push it any further than that. Yomangani^talk 11:02, 27 September 2012 (UTC)