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This peer review discussion has been closed.
We've listed this article for peer review because we would like some feedback on prose and comprehensive before bringing the article to FAC. This is admittedly an unpopular topic, so we'd like to emphasize the need for neutrality in the article and ask that reviewers pay particular attention to emotive language and the like; some such language may have slipped through our filters.

Thanks,  — Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:02, 7 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I don't have much time, but I'll give this a quick peer review if it will help. Best. Midnightblueowl (talk) 12:11, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Introduction:

Early life and educaiton:

  • Again, no mention of his class or socio-economic background. Considering that his father was a judge then I'd suggest that he was presumably middle-class?
  • "In addition, he was a freemason, eventually becoming a thirty-second-degree mason, and attended a Disciples of Christ church.[7]" Should we capitalize "freemason" ? I think that this sentence could be better phrased, perhaps to "A practitioner of the Protestant form of Christianity, he attended a church belonging to the Disciples of Christ denomination. In addition, he was a practising Freemason, eventually rising to the thirty-second degree within the brotherhood."
  • Do we know which Masonic lodge he belonged to ?

Initial Klan service:

Early National Leadership:

Internal conflicts:

Growth and political activism:

  • "Klan publications credited their launch of a printing plant and cuts in the cost of robe production with dramatically lowering expenses" I don't understand what this sentence is trying to say, could you rewrite it?
  • "Although previous Imperial Wizards had lived in lavish properties, Evans initially settled in an apartment after his promotion" – why the "Although"; this sentence doesn't seem to fit together well either.
  • "Rory McVeigh of the University of Notre Dame argues that this growth was owing to the Klan's exploitation of a "favorable political context",[72] particularly one in which privileged Americans were fearful after increases in suffrage" – Who is McVeigh; a historian ? This "growth" in what, membership ? Suffrage for whom; women ?
  • The word "Klan" is used repeatedly in the final paragraph here; try introducing some synonyms.

Decline:

Changes in focus:

Downfall:

  • This is in response to both questions: I've looked through Questia, Google News Archive, Google Books, and Highbeam and have been unable to find much. He would have been 60 or so at the time, so its likely he just tried to live peacefully. Old age strikes me as a likely reason for his death. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:10, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Reception:

  • This section could definately do with expansion, if the sources permit this. Perhaps refer to those historical studies of the Klan that refer to Evans.
  • Possibly rename "Reception and legacy" ?
  • Are Horowirz and Jenkind historians ?

Notes:

Bibliography:

Whoever wrote this article deserves a hearty pat on the back for doing such an excellent job in putting it together. I hope that you find my comments to be constructive and useful,and wish this article well in attaining FA status, which I believe that it ultimately deserved to do. If anyone wants to return the favour, they could have a peruse of an short article I currently have awaiting peer review, Islam: The Untold Story. All the best. Midnightblueowl (talk) 13:38, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Wow, thanks for all the feedback, I'll let you know if we have any questions. Mark Arsten (talk) 14:00, 8 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Comments by Wehwalt
Lede
  • "their headquarters". While the meaning is very clear, technically you have not referred to the Klan using a plural noun. Suggest "Klan headquarters".
  • "He resigned his position with the group" I assume the construction company, to which you referred in the immediately previous sentence? (not)
  • "The next year, Evans faced accusations of accepting no-bid government highway contracts ... " If I read what is said ahead in the article, the accusation was that he influenced the Highway Board into accepting his company's bid without competition. I do not read the lede here to completely state what is the article.
  • "illusive". I had to look this up to be sure. Are you sure on this? The membership gains existed, they simply didn't last. Maybe "transitory"?
Early life
  • "The son of a Hiram Martin Evans," I would strike the "a".
Initial Klan service
  • "Imagined as a continuation ... " Needs its own sentence.
  • "in which capacity". Somewhat stilted, can you rephrase?
  • How's this?
  • Where multiple footnotes are used, they should be in numerical order.
Early national leadership
  • "discord would ensue within the organization" To high-faluting. This is the Klan, it should be said in an earthier way, within encyclopedic limits, of course.
  • "However, by the end of their feud" You do not say how long the legal battle continued.
  • Consider dividing a few of the long, semicolon-joined sentences, which are often made longer by internal footnotes.
  • I think that people will get what he meant by "Nordic" without the need to mention the Southern and Eastern Europeans.
  • "Although Evans lived in parts of the Southern U.S. with few Catholics" I would omit this phrase, it's a little bit lecture-like. You're getting on your high horse and telling us he had no rational reason to be anti-Catholic, but there's no need to. The reader will get it without this phrase.
  • "were becoming increasingly active in politics" Shouldn't it be "was"?
  • " a key tenet of the country's constitution." I would omit. You seem to be setting up Evans to be laughed at, ha ha, KKK guy cares about the Constitution. Let his wrongheaded views and actions speak for themselves.
  • "worked on a series of changes, advertised as reforms, to the Klan structure and worked" ... too much "worked".
Internal conflicts
  • "After Grady dismissed a Klan-backed bill" Are you saying he struck down a law (not a bill, probably?) in his judicial capacity? This needs to be made clearer.
  • "Stephenson's proclivity for ostentation irritated Evans." Someone else seems to have such a proclivity. Can the propensity for polysyllables be less pronounced?
  • "gubernatorial candidacy" I would preface with "successful"
  • " where the lawyer's murder had received less publicity." Then Atlanta? How is that relevant to where you establish a national headquarters and wouldn't the publicity follow in short order anyway?
Growth
  • A mention of the actual membership in the first paragraph would be good.
  • " national offices" Being picky, Senator from Texas is not a national office.
  • "the earlier, more violent days of the Ku Klux Klan" I imagine the reference is to the Forrest days. However, you've stated in the article that the Second Klan was a new organization, not deriving from the Forrest organization "the group had been established five years previously". I see an inconsistency.
  • "As the Klan attempted to portray itself ... they ... " Perhaps substitute "its leaders" or similar for "they".
  • "education advocacy" ??
  • "He supported the creation of the federal Department of Education," That happened under Carter, I remember it. Hmm.
  • "Apart from fundamental Klan issues, local groups often embraced varying political ideologies; Evans risked alienating members by insisting on specific political stances." Google translate from wonkspeech says that this means that since the main point of agreement among Klan members was doctrine, taking a stance on political matters meant angering some part of his membership. If that's true, I would say so more clearly.
  • "presidential candidate Oscar Underwood". He was Alabama's favorite son, who over 103 ballots became famous because of Alabama's position on the roll call vote. Does that make you a presidential candidate?
  • Any connection between Evans and Bryan's desire not to have the Democrats condemn the Klan?
Decline
  • Other scandals emerged, further damaging ... had seen strong growth ... the state saw corruption scandals ... Evans' request was poorly received ... encountered difficulties." More activity (and variety) on on the part of your verbs would be good.
  • "alleging misdeeds including participation in kidnappings and lynchings" A comma perhaps?
  • "Klan's power. About 30,000 of their members" Again, you seem undecided as to whether to treat Klan as a plural noun.
Changes in focus
  • "The New Deal" question capitalization of "The".
  • " This rhetoric did not significantly increase the Klan's power or popularity." This reads like sarcasm. I would rephrase. It's a bit unclear what you mean like this, as you have just described a Klan in free fall.
  • "Americanist" Needs definition or link.
Downfall
  • Suggest division of first paragraph into at least two paragraphs.
  • Why did Colescott shoulder Evans' responsibilities? What was Evans doing?
Reception (perhaps better section heading would be "Appraisal")
  • Can you give a couple of quotes from contemporaries who were not opponents?

That's all I got. Watch the tendency to complicated words and sentence structures. Also watch the tendency to the passive voice and similar constructions. Aside from that, it's quite good.--Wehwalt (talk) 02:49, 9 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]