Wikipedia:Peer review/History of Mexico City/archive1

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History of Mexico City[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… its pretty darn comprehensive and Id like to get it at least to GOOD status!

Thanks, Thelmadatter (talk) 17:44, 13 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

A few points (I'm not very experienced at peer review):

  • The introduction to any section probably shouldn't begin with a conjunction. I'd rephrase the first sentence just to give a basic overview (i.e. ancient Aztecs to Spanish occupation to today) and then begin the condensed history.
  • "great city" sounds weasely
  • "again was" should become "was again" or "again became"
  • Consider rephrasing "Over all of its post-Aztec history"
  • The two "however"s in the final paragraph of the lead don't seem right - rephrase one or both of these sentences. Yohan euan o4 (talk) 00:53, 18 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Very briefly, here are some suggestions for improvement.

  • Per WP:LEAD the lead should not be longer than four paragraphs and there should be an image in the top right corner. The first sentence of the lead should also try to contain the phrase the History of Mexico City in bold.
  • Per WP:HEAD, the section titles should not contain articles unless absolutley needed (so "The Aztec city" could just be "Aztec city") nor should they repeat the article title (so "Mexico City nobility" could just be "Nobility"). Most places where it says "city" in a section head could probably also be avoided
  • Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V
  • The pbs.org refs are OK, but if you want to get this to FA it needs to have more relaible sources - go to a library and get books out.
  • Language needs to be cleaned up in places. Just the first sentence The Valley of Mexico has been inhabited for about ten thousand of years. has an extra "of", for example. Try reading it out loud.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 12:36, 20 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

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