Wikipedia:Peer review/Hit 'Em Up/archive1

Hit 'Em Up

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like it to reach FA status. I believe it is an important cultural topic; I did very prematurely bring it to FAC on the day that I moved it from userspace. The points raised during that discussion I have addressed, excluding some minor prose issues.

Thank you, Theornamentalist (talk) 17:47, 2 December 2010 (UTC)

CrowzRSA comments

• 2Pac (real name Tupac Shakur) I'm not sure this is the best wording. Perhaps just remove "real name". I saw that was brought up in FAC, but I have never seen that before.

Removed "real name".

• Link "produced" (record producer)

Linked.

• "Hit 'Em Up" was written[2] and recorded in Can Am Studios in Los Angeles, California in May 1996.[3] Why is there a reference randomly placed after "was written"? This also goes against MOS because references should generally go after punctuation.

Addressed; one reference said written, the other recorded.

• Dramacydal and Outlawz are the same group, and should be noted as the same name to be consistent.

Fixed.

• Los Angeles, California should be linked.

Added.

• New Jersey should be linked.

Added.

• Is there no last name for 'Tiffany'?

The book I read made no mention of her last name, although I did not have full view of the text. Her inclusion in the article was brought up during FAC, I thought it relevant to his lifestyle, along with the information about his assistant getting involved with his other female associates.

• or at least had advance knowledge he would be robbed and shot insert "that" inbetween "knowledge" and "he".

Added.

• although it did not mention Shakur's name he felt it was mockingly directed towards him insert comma after "name".

Added.

• Lyrically, the song was aimed primarily at The Notorious B.I.G. since it was just talking about "Who Shot Ya?", specify it was "Hit 'Em Up", not just "the song".

Fixed.

• Ref 12 should go at the end of the sentence after ref 8

Moved.

• A reference is needed directly after quotes.

Do you mean that there should be a ref after the quote, instead of at the end of the sentence, making "Biggie, remember when I used to let you sleep on the couch?" and their subsequent fallout.[15] incorrect?

• Chino XL also came under fire "came under fire" is poor English

changed to "was also insulted.

• There is inconsistency between the uses of ". and ."

changed all occurrences to ."

• Link Slauson Avenue

Added.

• Link Fox Hills Mall (Westfield Culver City)

Added.

• Put ref 33 at the end of the sentence and remove the comma between "Mall" and "in"

Done.

• Shakur had already had enough, so he fired her "already had enough" is not professional wording

changed to "had grown wary of her"

• the release of "Hit 'Em Up" Evans Comma before "Evans"

Added.

• That's all I see right now. Also, it's nice to see another 2Pac article attempting to achieve a higher status. I recently nominated Me Against The World for GA and was passed. If this is to fail FAC again, I strongly suggest that you or someone else nominate it for GA. CrowzRSA 03:28, 9 December 2010 (UTC)

• Thank you CrowzRSA. - Theornamentalist (talk) 04:25, 9 December 2010 (UTC)