Wikipedia:Peer review/Hunky Dory/archive1
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I've listed this article for peer review because I hope to bring it to FA status and would appreciate any feedback on how to do that. I received some very good feedback through the GAN process but would like some more feedback, preferably from FAC reviewers, to get it to FAC quality.
Thanks, – zmbro (talk) 13:54, 7 July 2020 (UTC)
Comments
Hi @Zmbro: I'm not an FA expert by any stretch of the imagination, but I've seen three articles through the process, two of those being album articles. On first reading this is a very strong contender. The prose is clear and engaging, and the only issue I could see with sourcing was the use of Super Deluxe Edition, which I suggest replacing, and you could specify who USC News are (i.e., finding a way to link University of Southern California in the reference).
The only comments I could make regarding prose are:
Lead
"inspired by a Marlene Dietrich photo book that Bowie took to the session."
→this was a bit confusing until I read the 'Title and artwork' section. I read 'session' and thought 'recording session', so maybe this could be changed to "inspired by a Marlene Dietrich book that Bowie took to the photoshoot."
Background
Biographer Marc Spitz notes that a piano could not fit into his Plaistow Grove bedroom, nor was it suitable for playing in clubs or bus tours with his previous groups; Haddon Hall was more relaxed and less cluttered.
→"Plaistow Grove bedroom" could be explained at this point, since it hasn't been introduced yet into the article. It's Bowie's Plaistow Grove bedroom, right?
As a result, he composed over three-dozen songs there, many of which would end up on Hunky Dory and its follow-up album The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars
...→"end up" is a bit too informal, I'd suggest changing this to "appear", and I'd put a period at the end of this sentence. The use of a ; causes the sentence to run-on quite a bit.
Writing and recording
Ken Scott replaced Visconti as a producer, and retaining this role on Bowie's next three albums: Ziggy Stardust, Aladdin Sane and Pin Ups.
→Typo? Suggest changing this to "Visconti was replaced as producer by Ken Scott, who retained this role for Bowie's next three albums: Ziggy Stardust, Aladdin Sane and Pin Ups."
Music and lyrics
- There's some overlink of both Bob Dylan and Andy Warhol in this section. Suggest resolving.
Rankings
- This isn't my criticism – I genuinely don't care either way – but I've noticed a group of users going around removing every instance of "comprise" from every GA and FA. Here's their page. Maybe your article hasn't yet been carpet bombed because you use "comprising", but if you don't want some incredibly LAME edit wars interrupting your FA nomination, I'd suggest removing it beforehand. Like I said, I genuinely don't care about this, and don't understand why those people are doing that... but thought I'd give you a heads up about it either way. ;)
These are the only source and prose-related criticisms I could come up with in this review. This genuinely is an immaculately written article, and I honestly can't foresee any problems with this being promoted. In fact, you've given me some tips for my own current peer review nomination before I nominate it to FA. Give me a ping when you nominate for FA, and I'd be glad to support once (most of) these comments have been resolved. I wish you luck. All the best, Homeostasis07 (talk/contributions) 01:48, 14 August 2020 (UTC)
- Homeostasis07 Thanks so much for your comments! I believed I've resolved everything. – zmbro (talk) 19:06, 14 August 2020 (UTC)