Wikipedia:Peer review/Hurts 2B Human/archive1

Hurts 2B Human

I've listed this article for peer review because I'm looking to ultimately promote it to the GA status.

Thanks, Gabrielflorin01 (talk) 11:23, 20 December 2019 (UTC)

Comments from Aoba47

• For this sentence, Pink collaborated with a handful of producers and songwriters in pursuit of a sound that was a departure from her previous albums., I would remove "a handful of" as I do not think it adds much to the sentence. It is rather vague, and the plural word "producers" already indicates that Pink worked with multiple producers and songwriters in the process of creating this album.

 Done Combined the two sentences

• I would avoid using "the singer" per this essay.

 Done

• Link Pink the first time you mention her in the body of the article. The lead and the body of the article are treated separately so items would have to be linked in both. For this instance, I would link Pink in this sentence: Pink released her seventh studio album Beautiful Trauma in October 2017 to mixed reviews.

 Done

• I am uncertain if some of the information present in the "Background" section is really necessary for this article. For instance, I do not see how the sentences on Pink getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and the ceremony is relevant to this article on this particular album.

 Done

• The song "Walk Me Home" is first referenced in the "Background" section so it should be linked there instead and unlinked elsewhere in the article.

 Done

• For this sentence, The album's cover was unveiled on February 28, after a number of teasers on Pink's social media page for several days., do any of the sources clarify the exact number of teasers or days?

I think the first three sources would count as three teasers

I would either specify the number of teasers as three or just say something like "after Pink uploaded teasers on her social media" to replace the vague wording from "a number of" and "several". Aoba47 (talk) 01:10, 6 January 2020 (UTC)

 Done

• Items should not be linked multiple times in the body of the article. For instance, Chris Stapleton and Slant Magazine linked twice. I would double-check to see if there is anything else.

 Done

• I am a little confused by this sentence: Nevertheless, she commended songs like "Can We Pretend", "90 Days", and "Happy", calling the former "an ideal showcase" of the singer's personality. I normally see "the former" used when discussing two items so it seems out-of-place when discussing three items. I think it is a bad sign when I am not sure what "the former" is referencing here so I would try to be clearer.

 Done Removed "Happy"

This is definitely not an exhaustive review, but these are things that I noticed when doing a very quick read-through of the article. Hopefully, this will inspire other editors to review this in the future. I am a fan of Pink's music, but for some reason, this album just never connected with me. Hope you are having a great new year so far! Aoba47 (talk) 04:21, 5 January 2020 (UTC)

Thanks for your very helpful effort, hope you're having a great year too! Gabrielflorin01 (talk) 14:11, 5 January 2020 (UTC)

Thank you! Aoba47 (talk) 22:46, 10 January 2020 (UTC)