Wikipedia:Peer review/Iloilo International Airport/archive4

Iloilo International Airport[edit]

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for November 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.

I've listed this article (for the third time) to see where I can bring it from GA, and whether or not I should forward it for a second shot at WP:FAC. I've been doing a few changes here and there with respect to the prose, and I'm actively trying to collate information to make it more up-to-date. All comments would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! --Sky Harbor ^(talk) 03:25, 22 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: This looks pretty good, here are some nit-picky suggestions for improvement.

The hardest FA criterion for most articles to achieve is a professional level of English, and I think this needs some copyedits to smooth things out. For example, this sentence It opened its doors to commercial traffic on June 14, 2007 after a decade of planning and construction, replacing Mandurriao Airport in Iloilo City proper which had been in service for over seventy years, inheriting its IATA and ICAO airport codes, as well as its position as the fourth-busiest airport in the Philippines, from the former.[1] just seems too long and convoluted for one sentence.
I think the article could really use a locator map (red dot on a map of the Phillipines) as many people will not know where Iloilo is located within the country.
Avoid non-specific dates, so change is the largest airport to be constructed in the Philippines in the last decade. to something like is the largest airport to be constructed in the Philippines in since 1998. In a year or two, "in the last decade" will not mean the same thing as it does now.
The first paragraph in Name needs a ref. My rule of thumb is that every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph needs a ref.
"Passenger terminal" and "Cargo terminal" as subsections of "Terminals" seems to go against WP:HEAD (repeats the section name in a subsection header). Since the Cargo terminal section is only one short paragraph, would it make sense to just the Terminals section (no subsections here)?
Also need to avoid currently in Currently, no airline is operating international routes to and from Iloilo. (As of December 2008....)
I think I would put the Rail section last in the "Access and transportation" section - I would put the transport people actually use first, and the possible rail service last.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 05:05, 7 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Initial response

Thanks for the comments! Anyway, here's a bunch of things that I have done with respect to these comments:

I switched the rail and road sections around. This means that rail is below road, so future transport comes last.
I merged the first two paragraphs in the Name subsection so I use the references only once. Previous PRs have mentioned how the article is over-cited.
I changed "currently" to "as of December 2008" in the first paragraph of the Airlines and destinations section
I broke the sentence pertaining to the airport's opening into two separate sentences

I have an ongoing request for an airport diagram map, and I'll see what I can do with the other bullets. As far as I know, in a previous PR, it was suggested that the passenger and cargo terminals be separate so that they wouldn't be confused with one another. Hope these help. --Sky Harbor ^(talk) 11:12, 7 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]