Wikipedia:Peer review/Jamiroquai/archive2

Jamiroquai

Previous peer review

I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to ensure that it is FA quality. I would especially like comments about the sub header's titles and one of the sections describing basic info containing a fansite reference link. Any other concerns to be addressed would be appreciated as well.

Thanks, 100cellsman (talk) 08:51, 14 January 2019 (UTC)

Comments from MaranoFan

Lede

• "music video of the 1996 single Virtual Insanity" --> "music video for the 1996 single Virtual Insanity"
• "As of 2005, Kay is the remaining member from the band's original line-up." -- Should there be an "only" before "remaining"?
• "Jamiroquai has thus sold more than 26 million albums worldwide" -- The "thus" is redundant in this sentence.
• "Front-man Kay won a BMI Presidents Award" -- I don't think this should be in the lede if the whole band didn't win it

Formation

• "He was then signed to Acid Jazz Records in 1991 after he sent a demo tape of him singing a song of the Brand New Heavies" --> "He was then signed to Acid Jazz Records in 1991 after he sent a demo tape of him covering a song by the Brand New Heavies"
• "the group's formation was a result of Kay's failed audition to become a singer of the Brand New Heavies" -- The "of" here should be replaced by "for" too

International breakthrough

• "When You Gonna Learn became their first single in October 1992" --> "When You Gonna Learn was released as their debut single in October 1992"
• "the single however, cost £35k ($46k) to produce due to Kay's control of the production.[5] The single entered the UK chart at number 52" -- I would reword this to avoid repetition of "the single"
• "was described by an AllMusic review" --> "was described by an AllMusic reviewer"
• "The album's second single, "Too Young to Die" entered the UK singles chart at number 10" -- This is a lie. It entered at number 15 [1]
• "A Rolling Stone review described the group" -- Again, its the reviewer describing the group, not the review. Reviews don't write themselves
• "In 1995, the group co-wrote the track "Lost Souls" for Guru's album Jazzmatazz, Vol. 2: The New Reality" -- Which members co-wrote it?
• "Jamiroquai played as an opening act for the Rolling Stones" -- The "the" is part of their official name and should be part of the wikilink
• "The group were preparing their fourth album Synkronized (1999) in Kay's Chillington studio complex" -- Missing commas before the album title and after the year
• "appeared in a climactic dance scene of the cult film Napoleon Dynamite" -- Why is this described as a "cult" film? I think that should be replaced by "comedy film" since that is what the opening sentence of the movie article describes it as.

Release from Sony Music

• Since you wanted feedback about this, I would rename this section to encompass the names of any albums they may have released during this time.
• "The same single, as well as "You Give Me Something" were both number 2 in the US Hot Dance Music/Club Play chart" -- I would rephrase this as "Along with "You Give Me Something", it reached number 2 on the US Hot Dance Music/Club Play chart"
• "Their sixth album titled Dynamite, was released in 2005 and reached number 3 on the UK chart" -- Missing comma after 2005
• "The former reached number one in the US Dance Club charts" -- Use "on" instead of "in" here

Automaton

• "Although not released as a single, the track "Shake it On" peaked at number 154 in the French Singles Chart" -- This isn't really noteworthy enough to be on this article, maybe on their discography page.
• "Requiring surgery, it led to cancellation of two shows in Tokyo for their Automaton Tour, which were rescheduled in September" -- So were they cancelled or rescheduled? Both can't be true

Musical style

• Again, the BBC review didn't write itself, we should mention the author
• "During their career in the 1990s" -- "their career in" can be removed from this sentence.
• "Kay was additionally influenced by hip-hop and its culture" -- Link hip hop here as this is the first mention of the genre

Themes

• "Political themes include the anti-war song "Too Young to Die" -- This sentence is weirdly written since its a song, not a theme in and of itself. This would be better written as "Political themes were expressed on the anti-war song "Too Young to Die"
• "Kay has initially wrote songs about the environment" -- Either remove "has" from this sentence or change "wrote" to "written". Its grammatically wrong as its currently worded.
• "Called "icons of the music-video format" by The Atlantic" -- Again, you should attribute this to the author, who is Spencer Kornhaber

Achievements

• Just move this down as an introductory paragraph to the Awards and nominations section. These sections serve the same purpose, accomplishments, and neither is too big to be combined. Again, you can refer the Tove Lo article for an example of this.

Awards and Nominations

• The N in nominations should be lowercased
• The awards should be integrated into one single neat table. See Tove Lo for reference.

• Sorry if this lengthy review looks discouraging, but I actually found this article to be a very interesting read! Once the concerns are addressed I really can see this becoming an FA down the line. Regards.--NØ 12:21, 15 January 2019 (UTC)

Eh, it mostly needed copyediting. I fixed almost all of what you described but I couldn't figure out how to reword Kay being the remaining original lineup member, (I was stuck on this part too) and AllMusic credits both the group and Kay for co-writing the lost souls track. Other than that, this peer review really helped! Thank you! 100cellsman (talk) 13:35, 15 January 2019 (UTC)

MaranoFan, so update, I fixed all the problems now and I'm gonna try to get this as an FA again. 😎✌️ 100cellsman (talk) 19:40, 15 January 2019 (UTC)

The most glaring concern for me is that the awards still haven’t been combined into one table. Once that’s done I’ll go through the article again and potentially support the FAC. Regards.—NØ 02:56, 16 January 2019 (UTC)

I've never combined tables before though. It might take a little while for me to figure that out.

And I've thought about spinning the awards off into a new article, but I'm not sure if the section might either be too small for that or too big for this article. 100cellsman (talk) 08:08, 16 January 2019 (UTC)

OK. Now all the issues should be fixed. I apologize for missing what you've said about the award tables. 100cellsman (talk) 18:00, 16 January 2019 (UTC)

MaranoFan, is there anything else that needs work? 100cellsman (talk) 15:44, 17 January 2019 (UTC)

Great work on the table. I would suggest combining any instances of the same award shows or nominated work that are present directly after each other using rowspans. Also, scope rows should be added for each ceremony, and the years and refs should be centre-aligned. This list I worked on may be used as reference for these. Other than that this article is solid and meets the FA criteria.--NØ 15:51, 17 January 2019 (UTC)

MaranoFan, How does this look? [2] 100cellsman (talk) 22:03, 17 January 2019 (UTC)

Yes, the formatting is perfect. I don't think the side table which sums up all the awards and nominations is necessary though (unless its split into a separate article), it also doesn't need to be in a different sub-section than accolades. I would also link the years to the articles about the award ceremony that year. (Examples: 1, 2).--NØ 06:50, 18 January 2019 (UTC)

I'll be archiving this discussion as I fixed all major issues in this review. 100cellsman (talk) 10:57, 18 January 2019 (UTC)