Wikipedia:Peer review/Jifna/archive1

Jifna

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for April 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… I want to nominate this article for Featured article status soon, and I believe it is practically FA-worthy now considering how tiny the village is and the information we have on it, but I think a different editor should make an overview of the entire article mainly to check for prose, grammatical errors, and any MoS problems.

Thanks, Al Ameer son (talk) 22:07, 27 April 2009 (UTC)

Comment: It's more than a year since I did the GA review for this article, and I will enjoy reading and commenting on it again. I intend to look carefully for MOS compliance in respect to dashes, no-break spaces (nbsp) and other easily overlooked features, as well as doing a thorough prose review. I hope to report back within 48 hours. Brianboulton (talk) 18:35, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

• For a start, you need to replace hyphens with ndashes in the page ranges within your references. I have fixed No. 14; you need to fix 19, 21, 29 and 39

I did a lot of reference re-arranging, but I don't remember noticing any hyphens and since I re-organized many citations, could you please point out where the hyphens are again.

OK, the hyphens are in the page ranges in refs [18], [20] and [34]. These need to be replaced by ndashes. Brianboulton (talk) 22:09, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

Done. Thanks. Al Ameer son (talk) 22:17, 8 May 2009 (UTC)--

• Some work is also needed with no-break spaces (nbsps). These are OK in the earlier parts of the article, but numerous fixes are required in the Geography and climate, Demographics and Government sections.
  • This issue not yet addressed. Brianboulton (talk) 22:19, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
• Many of the references are not properly formatted. Every on-line reference requires as a minimum a title, url, publisher and last access date. Numbers 5, 22, 25, 31, 32, 36, 37, 38. 39, 42, 43, 44, 45 and 46 do not have this minimum information. Number 29, evidently a book sources, also requires to be properly formatted. I will have other questions about sources later, but these housekeeping matters must be fixed.

Done.

Nos 2, 49, 50 and 51 are still lacking access dates. No. 31 is a citation to another Wikipedia article. Brianboulton (talk) 22:19, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

More later, Brianboulton (talk) 21:37, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

Main review

• Lead: Possible confusion between village spring (water) and Spring (season). It would be clearer if you specified village "water-spring"

Done. --Al Ameer son (talk) 03:51, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

• Biblical era
  • The mdashes in first line are intrusive and not really appropriate. Suggest you delete them

Done.

• • Ref [8] needs to be properly formatted. The basic reference should be to this page

I replaced it with Robinson.

• • Ref [9]: you need to specify which edition of Joephus's history you are using, and give publication details

The STF-J source covers it so I removed Josephus.

• • Titus should be described as the future emperor, as he didn't succeed until 79 AD

Done.

• Islamic, Crusader and Ottoman rule
  • Information is missing between the first and second paragraphs. At the very least you need to give the date of the Crusader conquest with minimal detail.

Done

• • "...but after they lost Palestine" is a bit informal. I would alter to "...but after their defeat by the Ayyubids under Saladin in 1187..."

Done

• • You say the church was subsequently repaired by the Ayyubids "per a request from the Crusaders". Can you give more information, e.g. the date of the repair, and how and by whom the request was made? Note: I see that this information is expanded in the St George's church section later. I wonder if it needs to be here at all.

It turns out that the whole rebuilding request affair had nothing to do with Jifna's St. George's Church, but the more famous one in Lydda.

• • Again, I would recommend losing the mdashes, simply enclosing the phrase in commas

Done.

• • "Ibrahim Pasha of Egypt conquered most of the Levant in the the early 1830s and in 1834, there was a revolt against local Egyptian authorities in the area, and 26 residents of Jifna were subsequently exiled to Egypt for their alleged participation in the uprising." This sentence needs a bit more context, and should probably be split. Possibly: "In the early 1830s Ibrahim Pasha of Egypt conquered most of the Levant and temporarily took control of Palestine. In 1834 there was a revolt against local Egyptian authorities in the Jifna area; 26 residents of Jifna were subsequently exiled to Egypt for their alleged participation in the uprising."

Done.

• Geography and climate: The sentence beginning "Today..." should be reworded to be more time-specific, e.g. "In 2009..."

I think using 2009 would also be inaccurate and unfortunately the source used is a dead link now so I don't what year they were talking about. I will contact a fellow editor who I think is based in the territories to see if he could find the archived page.

• Demographics
  • "...but it might have been larger then" reads like speculation. Unless there is a specific citation for this, I suggest the phrase is omitted.

Done. I have found other info on Jifna's population in the 16th century which I will add tonight or tomorrow.

• • Likewise, the next sentence is not really supported by what follows, where the figures are all relatively recent. It may be better to begin the paragraph: "There are no available figures for the population of Jifna (Gophna) when it was a regional capital in Roman times, nor for any period up to relatively modern times. According to..."

Removed.

• • 465 males plus 494 females is 959 people...but the population was 961. The age distribution figures also add up to 959.

Yea, in the source, it lists the genders and ages of the population, but there's also a column that says "Not stated". This is why it doesn't add up.

• • You say "The population of Jifna appears to be growing". On the figures you give, there is no "appears" about it – the population is growing rapidly, having almost doubled since 1997. Suggest reword accordingly.

Done.

• Economy
  • "...unemployment is a minor issue in Jifna." Yet, in the Demographics section you say that 25% of the population have had to move to Jerusalem or Ramallah to find jobs. That seems like a major issue to me.

This is kind of difficult since both sentences are backed by the same source and it does seem to contradict itself. Maybe it means that those who remained in Jifna have minor employment problems compared to other Palestinian localities. --Al Ameer son (talk) 02:31, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

• Saint George's church
  • Since it is earlier referred to as "St George's church" I suggest this heading is changed to be consistent, and that references to "Saint" in the text are likewis altered.

Done. Re-merged section into the wider History section.

• • "It continued as a place of worship into the modern era" If Mass is still celebrated there, you should say: "It has continued as a place..." etc.

Done. --Al Ameer son (talk) 01:16, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

• Festivals: rather than saying the Jifna Spring festival was "unique", just say it was the first such festival to be held outside a major city.
• Government: If council members are identified by labels, e.g. DFLP, why not indicate these in the list of members?

The names and roles of the members is from one source and the political factions are from other sources. None list the names of the members and their group together. --Al Ameer son (talk) 02:31, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

• General point: WP:MOS requires the use where appropriate of no-break spaces, e.g. 200 people, 465 males etc. You should consult the MOS and apply the rule throughout the article.
• Questions are likely to be asked at FAC about the reliability and neutrality of some of your sources, e.g the Tabash Restaurant website. At FAC it is sometimes necessary to lose information if it cannot be sourced reliably and independently.

I might need to keep the Tabash Restaurant source because of the new "Small businesses" subsection, but if it gets in the way of an FA pass, I'll remove it in a hurry.

As I cannot watch all the peer reviews I'm involved with, please ping my talkpage when you want me to look again. Brianboulton (talk) 17:43, 6 May 2009 (UTC)

Questions by nominee

Since this review began, I have made some major changes to the articles. I removed the St. George's Church subsection and re-integrated it into the main History section, started a "Religion" subsection in the main "Demographics" section and added a population table. I also added a succinct mention on a traditional sweet in the Traditions subsection. This review has been very helpful and I just request you review the Islamic, Crusader, Ottoman era subsection, the Small businesses subsection, "Religion", and "Tradition". --Al Ameer son (talk) 02:31, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

Please note that there are some unresolved issues from the early part of the review. The added material looks OK, except that the last sentence of the "Religion" section doesn't seem to be related to religion, and perhaps ought to be transferred to the main Demographics text. Good luck with the article, and I hope things are well in Jifna. Brianboulton (talk) 22:58, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

Yea, I'll take care of the no break spaces if I could find them all and will fix the citations you pointed out. The last sentence will be relocated. The images I uploaded were done so illegally I realize. The person who posted them on Palestine Remembered took them from the Jifna Hope Association. I will email them for permission of use. Perhaps, they could release those two and maybe others into public domain or apply the attribution license. After that, I will go straight to the FAC page. I can't thank you enough for all your help. Cheers friend! --Al Ameer son (talk) 03:36, 9 May 2009 (UTC)