Wikipedia:Peer review/Justice Party (India)/archive1

Justice Party (India)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because, i would like to nominate it for GAR and then eventually a FAR. Because of my own "extensive" knowledge of the subject, i am not able to judge how this article comes across for uninvolved readers. I would like to know if this is comprehensible and easy to understand for people unfamiliar with the subject and if it is not suggestions for improving it. Thanks, Sodabottle (talk) 10:51, 6 September 2010 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments: This looks avery substantial article. I am sorry that I do not have time to read it in detail, but here are a few observatioins arising from a quick run-through.

• There are numerous instances of information requiring citation, sometimes involving whole paragraphs. See, for example:-

• Brahmin and non-Brahmin divide: last two sentences of first paragraph
• Conflict with Home Rule Movement: first paragraph
• Transformation into Dravidar Kazhagam: last sentence of second paragraph
• Organisation: first paragraph
• Alienation of Dalits and Muslims: contains an uncited blockquote.

These are not necessarily all the instances which require citation, but are the most obvious cases. Please check carefully for others.

• Some of the page ranges in the references have hyphens rather than dashes. Ref 39 is a "p" not a "pp".
• I am dobtful about the validity of some of the image licencing, and suggest you consult an editor with experience in this area. User: Jappalang may oblige.

• The link in ref 51 is dead.

• Prose: I have not been able to consider this in detail, but there are cases of awkward and sometimes repetitive prose. Here are just a couple of examples:-
  • "After four years of sitting in the opposition, the Justice party won the 1930 elections and B. Munuswamy Naidu became the Chief Minister.[27] His tenure as Chief Minister was beset with controversies. He assumed the Chief Ministership at a critical juncture." Very cumbersome: easily reducible to "After four years in opposition, the Justice party won the 1930 elections and B. Munuswamy Naidu became the Chief Minister.[27] He assumed office at a critical juncture, and his tenure was beset with controversies."
  • "Periyar's take over the Justice party shook up its' outlook and functioning." "Takeover" is one word, and "its" does not require an apostrophe.

The whole article could beneficially be copyedited to remove similar cases of dubious phrasing. It's a good and important article and worth the extra effort. Brianboulton (talk) 18:53, 11 September 2010 (UTC)

Sodabottle's reply

Thanks Brian for the review. I have done the following to address the issues raised:

• uncited portions - all of them except one are cases of splitting the paragraphs after writing them. The refs at the end of the next para are the sources for the first paragraph as well. I am now adding them the first paragraphs in all the cases. Similar case for block quotes. One exception was my own OR, which i have now removed.
• Fixed the deadlink in ref 51;
• fixed the pp in ref 39
• Fixed the awkward phrasing where you have pointed out, going through the others (i am hopelessly repetitive :-)).Will ask for someone from the guild of copy editors to take a look.
• Same for the images. will ask Jappalang for help.

--Sodabottle (talk) 19:26, 11 September 2010 (UTC)