Wikipedia:Peer review/Last Order: Final Fantasy VII/archive1

Last Order: Final Fantasy VII[edit]

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for April 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd eventually like to bring it to GA status. I'm wondering what sections I should improve and expand, as well as what information I should by looking for. I'm aware that the "Cultural impact" section is quite short. This comes from the OVA not being released separately; it was release with Advent Children, and because of that doesn't have many reviews. However, it does have a healthy development section, and the article's notability comes more from being in the FF series, and part of the Compilation of FFVII. Also, I will be listing the article for a copy edit soon.

Thanks, WhiteArcticWolf (talk) 15:28, 11 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Interesting sounding animation, here are some suggestions for article improvement.

Spell out abbreviations on first use, so Last Order: Final Fantasy VII ... is a 2005 original video animation (OVA) produced by Madhouse... I would also add "in Japan" to this sentence, since it describes only the Japanese release (I think)
Links should also be on the first use, so link Before Crisis: Final Fantasy VII in The music of Last Order was released with the music of Before Crisis...
One of the biggest problems with the article is providing context for the reader - there is very little on the background story of FF VII so that we know who these people are or what is going on. Perhaps a brief background section could be added, giving the overall plot and how this fits in, as well as detailing how the success of the original led to the making of this.
As noted above (add "in Japan" to lead sentence), there are also places where more context is needed for clarity. Another would be 77,777 copies of Advent Pieces: Limited were released, and had been sold out months in advance before being officially released. - this was only in Japan too and should say so.
The other major problem is writing from an in-universe perspective - ideally the plot and article should be written from an out of universe perspective. I have not played the game or seen the videos and I had trouble following what was going on.
Language is unclear in places - not sure what this means for example Last Order was hand-drawn and hand-drawn, causing the crew to make certain lines thinner or simplified. two hand-drawns? Try printing it out and reading it aloud.
Give the Japanese release price in Yen, not "about 300 dollars" (although it is fine to give a conversion to US $). Also for the US price, use "$39.95", not "39.95 dollars" (assumes I am correctly recalling the prices, but you get the idea)
Why is there no link for ~~Final Fantasy VII Advent Children~~ Advent Pieces in the article? Part of the background might be to list the game, then all of the spin offs in some order so those not familair with all things Final Fantasy can follow it.
- Sorry - I confused Advent Pieces and Final Fantasy VII Advent Children.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 19:34, 21 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the feedback!

I noted the abbreviation for Last Order, and will find a way to skillfully not toe abbreviations for the other games/film. I'll also work on adding in context and linking on the first use.
Context is definately tough for this one, since there is so much background information on it. I'll make a section about background information, and I believe I know some interviews where the crew talks about their decision to create the Compilation in general.
I'll read through the plot section and fix that up.
I've also noticed some mistakes scattered around. I'll take your advice on that one.
The only price I could find was written in "about 300 dollars." I did the conversion, though I kept the about to be safe, as well as the English conversion.
Advent Pieces is the same thing as Advent Children; it's just a special release. I've noted that in the lede, and will check the rest of the article to make sure that's clear. WhiteArcticWolf (talk) 20:37, 21 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The lead for the FF VII article has a nice brief summary of the overall plot: Set in a dystopian world, Final Fantasy VII's story centers on mercenary Cloud Strife who joins with several others to stop the megacorporation Shinra, which is draining the life of the planet to use as an energy source. As the story progresses, the situation escalates and Cloud and his allies must battle the game's main antagonist, Sephiroth. Hope this helps, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 12:51, 22 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]