Wikipedia:Peer review/List of Buso Renkin episodes/archive1

List of Buso Renkin episodes

This peer review discussion has been closed.
Need a peer review before nominating to featured list. Thanks, DragonZero (talk · contribs) 01:34, 15 January 2010 (UTC)

Comments from Itzjustdrama

Lead

• The episodes follow Kazuki Muto who becomes an Alchemic warrior in the battle against monsters known as Homunculus.

  More of a clarification: is Homunculus the plural form?

Episodes

• Ep 1: I believe 16 year old is hyphenated (16-year-old).
• Flash back is one word (Flashback).
• Ep 2:

  She explains that Homunculus are created when a parasite called Homunculus matter attaches itself to an organism and take its brain turning it into a Homunculus.

  Is it possible to explain it better?
• Ep 3:

  After learning that the Homunculus creator is a student at Kazuki's school, the pair search for him but to no avail.

  I'm not a big fan of the second part of the sentence. There's nothing particularly wrong with it though. Maybe "the pair search for him and fail to find him". But I don't particularly like that either....

• A Plant Homunculus appears and prepares to finish Kazuki but is intervened by Tokiko who destroys the Homunculus.

  Same thing with this one. I'd suggest something like "A Plant Homunculus appears and prepares to finish Kazuki but Tokiko intervenes and destroys the Homunculus."
• Ep 4:

  will turn him into a Human-type Homunculus; A humanoid Homunculus with abilities

  Lowercase a.

I only got as far as episode 5. More comments later. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 23:13, 20 January 2010 (UTC)

Thanks. DragonZero (talk · contribs) 02:16, 21 January 2010 (UTC)

• In general: Because Homunculi is the correct plural, make sure the rest of the article is correct.
• Make sure the phrase Alchemy Warriors is consistently capitalized throughout the article.
• Ep 6:

  He then proceeds to eat everyone around his vicinity until he is killed by Kazuki.

  I believe it would be better as "everyone in the vicinity".
• Ep 7:

  Kazuki, Tokiko and Bravo are then attacked by a Homunculus of the L.X.E. but is quickly dispatched by Bravo.

  "But it is", I suggest.
• Ep 8:

  Tokiko is able to avoid her classmates and kill the Homunculus freeing them from his control.

  Comma after Homunculus.
• Ep 15:

  The next day, they decide to head to the beach where Tokiko runs into Gouta Nakamura who tells her they will discuss something important later.

  Comma before who.
• Ep 17:

  Meanwhile, Gouta finds out a team led out by Alchemy Warrior Sekima Hiwatari is sent to confirm Kazuki's death.

  Instead of "finds out", I suggest "learns that".

I have to read the remaining 9 summaries. ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 00:27, 22 January 2010 (UTC)

Thanks again. DragonZero (talk · contribs) 01:31, 22 January 2010 (UTC)

• I read the rest, and they look fine. Good luck on that FL! ~Itzjustdrama ^{? C} 17:09, 22 January 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the review. DragonZero (talk · contribs) 19:23, 22 January 2010 (UTC)

Comments from Extremepro (talk · contribs)

• With 9 DVDs for the Japanese release, you could split the Region 2 DVD release table in half and attribute the releases to Geneon. See List of Last Exile episodes for an example.
• The box release for the Japanese version can be stuck to a bigger table that encompasses all Japanese releases.

Done but I can't seem to fix the line at the end of the table.

• Region 2 should be changed to Japanese releases and Region 1 to North American releases.

Done.

• The episode summaries should be between 100 and 200 words with 150 words as a good medium. Most of the episode summaries are too short with episode 23 at 35 words. Episode 1 at 151 words is a good length to follow. Only 4 episodes (1, 2, 11 and 26) are over 100 words with eps 2 and 11 just barely over.

This would take me too long to fix so I guess this has to wait another day.

• All references with Japanese characters need to be translated using |trans_title=

Done, thanks for the review. DragonZero (talk · contribs) 08:29, 23 January 2010 (UTC)