Wikipedia:Peer review/Liverpool F.C./archive5

Liverpool F.C.

Previous peer review

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for December 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
Right over the previous three or so days I have tried to improve this article to the best of my ability and ironed most of the issues I could see, hopefully there are only tedious problems that exist as I believe the article is the closest to Featured Article standard than it has ever been. Thanks in advance for your comments. NapHit (talk) 23:19, 2 December 2008 (UTC)

• I'll try and do a full PR on this article at some point, but one point that springs to mind (probably because I remember watching it as a kid) - LFC featured very prominently in Scully (TV series) in the 1980s, if you can find a reliable source mentioning this, it's probably worth including in the "in popular culture" section -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 15:31, 3 December 2008 (UTC)

Comments from Peanut4 (talk · contribs)

Lead

• "They have won a record 18 First Division titles, and seven FA Cups. Liverpool have won five European Cups, which is an English record. They have also won the League Cup a record seven times." I think that gives the impression the seven FA Cups is also a record. I know the FA Cup is more important than the League Cup, but it might be worth swapping them round. It certainly needs a slight reword.

Swapped them NapHit (talk) 01:21, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

• "the most notable of these is their fierce rivalry with Manchester United," fierce is POV unless you can find a quote to back it up
• "They also have a big rivalry with city neighbours Everton," Ditto with big.

Just left rivalry on both NapHit (talk) 01:21, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

History

• "The club won the Lancashire League in its first season." I corrected the typo to "its". But you continue to refer Liverpool as "they", which is equally as correct, so I would suggest use "their first season".

done NapHit (talk) 01:30, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

• "earning promotion to the Second Division," This is incorrect. There was no promotion between the Football League and other leagues. I suspect there was a vote and Liverpool won more votes than a team in the league.

rectified NapHit (talk) 01:30, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

• "The club won the Lancashire League in its first season, earning promotion to the Second Division, they subsequently won the league to move into the First Division." Two main verbs. Either reword or put a semi-colon after "Second Division".

re-worded NapHit (talk) 01:30, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

• Large parts look unreferenced. Even if you're using the same reference, I would add a citation at the end of at least every paragraph and anything which looks a bit contentious.
• "Liverpool floundered until the appointment of Bill Shankly as manager in 1959, he released 24 players during his first season and began to reshape the squad." Again two main verbs.

split into two sentences NapHit (talk) 01:30, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

• "Again League title followed in 1965–66, after winning their first FA Cup the previous season." Needs a copy-edit.

fixed NapHit (talk) 01:30, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

• "and the season after won the League again setting a domestic record of 68 points," See above. This definitely needs a reference.
• "Anfield Boot Room" Is there a link to this?
• "becoming the first English side to win three trophies in a season." Needs a reference.

referenced NapHit (talk) 17:20, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

• "Fagan resigned following the disaster" Did he resign as a direct result of the disaster? Again I think if so this needs a reference.

referenced NapHit (talk) 16:21, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

• "Evans fared little, a League Cup victory in 1995 was his only trophy." Needs rewording or something adding.

re-worded NapHit (talk) 01:30, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

• "In his second season in charge Houllier won a unique "Treble" of FA Cup, League Cup and UEFA Cup,[11] the following season Liverpool finished second behind Arsenal, with Houllier undergoing major heart surgery part way through." Two main verbs again.

split into two sentences NapHit (talk) 01:30, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

• "the club's search for investment came to an end when American businessmen George Gillett and Tom Hicks became the owners of Liverpool F.C." Why Liverpool F.C.? You've referred to them as Liverpool since the start

removed F.C. NapHit (talk) 01:30, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

• "but this time losing 2–1 to Milan." Should either be "but this time lost" or simply "this time losing"

changed to lost NapHit (talk) 01:30, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

Colours

• "The away kit was then grey until the centenary season of 1991–92," "Then" is redundant.

fixed NapHit (talk) 01:32, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

Stadia

• "They left the ground in 1892 over a dispute about rent with the owner of Anfield; John Houlding, who decided to form a new club to play at the ground." I think the semi-colon should be changed to a comma.

changed to comma NapHit (talk) 16:03, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

• "The hill was the site of the Battle of Spion Kop in the Second Boer War, where over 300 men of the Lancashire Regiment died, many of whom were from Liverpool." Needs a reference.
• "The Anfield Road stand is positioned at the opposite end to the Kop, and houses the away-fans." Not sure away fans needs to be hyphenated.

removed hyphen NapHit (talk) 16:03, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

Supporters

• "The Merseyside derby is usually a sell out fixture and tends to be a scrappy affair;" scrappy affair certainly needs a reference.
• "Liverpool fans have been involved in a human tragedy, during an FA Cup semi-final in 1989 between Liverpool and Nottingham Forest, 96 Liverpool fans died due to overcrowding in what became known as the Hillsborough Disaster."

you haven't said what needs changing NapHit (talk) 16:03, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

Sorry. Two main verbs again. Peanut4 (talk) 21:41, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

Popular culture

• "The rap was the club's FA Cup anthem for the final with Wimbledon, it featured John Barnes performing a rap with other members of the squad participating." Two main verbs.

fixed NapHit (talk) 16:03, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

Records

• "Liverpool's biggest ever victory was 11–0 against Strømsgodset IF in 1974," Ever is redundant. And the tense should be "is".

done NapHit (talk) 16:03, 6 December 2008 (UTC)

Very good work overall. Hope this all helps. Peanut4 (talk) 16:24, 5 December 2008 (UTC)