Wikipedia:Peer review/Mariano Moreno/archive1
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it is already a good article, but being an obscure topic there's not much people that see it. I would want more advises before thinking in further nominations.
Thanks, Cambalachero (talk) 15:19, 22 June 2012 (UTC)
Drive-by Comments
- "achieved the first military victories" -> "its first"
- "His brother considered that he was poisoned" -> "His brother alleged that he was poisoned" or "thought" or "considered it a likely poisining"
- "a poor family with fourteen children" -> "poor parents with fourteen children"
- "He met influential people within the literary field, which meant he could" -> "He met influential people within the literary field who helped him"
- "They edited a bilingual English–Spanish newspaper" Who's they? The British? A country can't edit something, but it could "publish" a newspaper.
- What's "social usages"? I think this should be explained or excised.
- This needs citation: "This report, as well as Moreno's prestige in the colonial society, helped him gain the confidence of Cisneros. Yet secretly, Moreno supported the plan to dismiss the Viceroy."
- I'm having some trouble fully comprehending the article. It's not that it isn't written well; the prose is good. It's more a question of flow and clarity, I think. The Birth and studies and First political activities sections read well, but from there on out I'm getting lost in places. One issue, I think, is that people are sometimes introduced without being fully described. For example, we talk about Manuel Belgrano and Juan Jose Castelli supporting the viceroy; it's not clear in the text why these people were important in the context at hand or, indeed, who they were. We hear about the mayor Martin de Alzaga, but it's not clear what he's the mayor of. Why did his joining of Alzaga allow him to serve as a legal adviser of the Cabildo? Also Santiago de Liniers is dealt with confusingly after the lead; he first appears as "viceroy Liniers" and later as "Viceroy Santiago de Liniers". I'd like to know more about him, what his powers were, who supported him and why. What are the forces at play and why did they clash? Was the fundamental divide one of loyalty to the Spanish crown or independence? And how did Moreno align himself within this political dynamic? A lot of this is already here, but I think it could be explained more clearly. As a first step, I would advise going through the article and seeing if there aren't ways to make things cohere better. You could also make sure that people and movements and events are clearly and fully described in the text when they're introduced. Readers are able to do some research of their own through the wikilinks, but wikilinks are no substitute for an article standing on its own as a comprehensive and accurate account.--Batard0 (talk) 11:04, 17 July 2012 (UTC)