Wikipedia:Peer review/Mount Baker/archive2

Mount Baker[edit]

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for November 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it was a group collab. for WikiProject Volcanoes a while ago, and I'd like to get feedback for bringing it to FA.

Thanks, —Ceran ♦ ♦ (speak) 23:33, 29 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Very briefly, here are some suggestions for improvement.

The lead does not really follow WP:LEAD. The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article, nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself. Most of the names paragraph or the most snow at the ski area is not in the body of the article, for example.
Per WP:CITE references come AFTER punctuation, and are usually at the end of a sentence or phrase. They should also be in numerical order, so fix things like ... about 31 miles (50 km) [8] due east of the city of Bellingham, Whatcom County, making it the northernmost volcano in the Cascade Range but not the northernmost of the Cascade Volcanic Arc, which extends north into the Coast Mountains. Additionally, it is the fourth highest mountain in Washington State and the sixth highest in the Cascade Range.[9][3] move ref 8, make it [3][9]
Per WP:MOS#Images, images should be set to thumb width to allow reader preferences to take over. For portrait format images, "upright" can be used to make the image narrower.
Statements like ... the volume of snow and ice on Mount Baker (0.43 cubic miles, 1.8 cubic kilometers) is greater than that of all the other Cascades volcanoes (except Rainier) combined. are confusing - perhaps say something like "the volume of snow and ice is second greatest after Mount Rainier, and is greater than that of all of the other Cascade volcanoes."
Avoid short (one or two sentence) paragraphs - combine with others or expand to improve the flow of the aricle.
I would put the history in chronological order - now it skips around from hundreds of thousands of years ago, to "Modern Mount Baker" (violates WP:HEAD by repeating the title of the article), to 6,600 years ago, then 1792.
A model article is often useful for ideas and examples to follow. There are some mountain / volcano FAs that would be great models, see Mount St. Helens, Mount Tambora, Mount Pinatubo, and Mauna Loa.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 03:49, 3 December 2008 (UTC) )[reply]