Wikipedia:Peer review/Otelo Saraiva de Carvalho/archive1

Otelo Saraiva de Carvalho[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.

I've listed this article for peer review because this article has gone through significant changes in recent months with more sources being provided and expansion based upon the Portuguese version of this page.

Thanks, Jp16103 19:31, 22 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Suggestions: G'day, thanks for your efforts so far. I have the following suggestions: AustralianRupert (talk) 07:45, 25 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

the lead should be expanded to summarise the entire article
in the first paragraph of the body of the article, I suggest adding his date of birth
many of the paragraphs in the body of the article appear to be unreferenced. A fair rule of thumb is at least one citation at the end of every paragraph, so long as the ref covers everything in that paragraph
I suggest breaking the body of the article up a bit more with a few more subheaders. In this regart, I would suggest replacing the "Biography" subheader with something else as the whole article is a Biography. For instance, perhaps "Early life", "Military career" and then maybe "Political career" (I would include the election summaries in that section too, probably).
within the body of the article, there are large amounts of text that appear
in the References, Citation # 6 should not be in all caps per MOS:ALLCAPS
in the References, Citation # 11 should have a title added to hide the bare url
"A right-wing putsch attempt, led by Spinola": not sure if Spinola has been introduced before this; if not probably best to use their full name and provide a wikilink if possible
Anyway, good luck with improving the article further. Cheers.

Thank you for your input. I went ahead and made the changes you recommended. Obrigado! Jp16103 21:56, 25 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

No worries. I made a couple of tweaks, and marked a couple of places where I think a ref is needed, or a page number is needed. Otherwise, I think the article is well on its way. Nice work. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 04:50, 26 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

I went ahead and made some more changes to the content of the article. A lot of the text was poorly translated from Portuguese so I either removed it or edited it. Do you have any recommendations for content area that you think should be improved upon? Thanks, Jp16103 17:32, 26 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Nothing really comes to mind at this stage, although I think a citation is needed at the end of the first paragraph of the "Carnation Revolution and PREC" section now. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 01:59, 27 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Suggestions

"He joined the underground Movement of Armed Forces" "He" should be "Carvalho" at the first mention in each paragraph.
"On 25 November 1975, a military radical left-wing coup made up of members of the MFA, the Portuguese Army Commandos, and COPCON under the leadership of Otelo is attempted. The coup, allegedly orchestrated by Otelo, fails to take control of the Portuguese government. As a result of the coup, Otelo is imprisoned, COPCON is disbanded, and António Ramalho Eanes rises to power." This needs to be rewritten in the past tense.
It say he was a brigadier in the infobox, but the article says he was a general
"which claimed a number of robberies and murders in Portugal in the following years" This doesn't make sense.
"But later he reverted his position" should be "reversed his position"
The article uses two different date formats. Pick one.
Remove the bare URLs in the election boxes and replace them with {{cite web}} templates with access dates. This will allow the bot to restore the links when they decay.

Hope this helps. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:01, 28 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your help. I'm not sure if I understand what you mean by the different date formats, I thought the rule was DAY MONTH YEAR. Is that okay? Jp16103 03:41, 29 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Of course. But note footnotes 11, 12 and 14. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 04:40, 29 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your input, I have made the suggested changes. Jp16103 05:47, 30 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Advice Needed What work needs to be done to this article before submission to GA assessment? Jp16103 17:18, 30 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]