Wikipedia:Peer review/Phil Collins discography/archive1

Phil Collins discography

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because i have worked alot on it recently improving content, sourcing etc. at the flc review late last year the problems were the music videos were missing alot of directors and were unsourced. this has now been resolved. What do people think needs improving or adding etc?

Thanks, Mister sparky (talk) 14:46, 12 April 2010 (UTC)

• shd be in the lists subsection. Sandman888 (talk) 20:41, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments: I have done some copyedits on the prose. Other points:-

• The general reference "Phil Collins: Discography" (Rolling Stone) and specific reference [5] appear to go to the same online source.
• The opening paragraph needs to be reorganised into sentences of reasonable length. I suggest: "The discography of solo releases by Phil Collins contains seven studio albums, one live album, two soundtrack albums, four compilation albums, forty-eight singles and a number of other appearances. Collins is an English singer-songwriter, drummer, keyboardist and actor who is best known as a drummer and vocalist for English progressive rock group Genesis. A Grammy and Academy Award–winning solo artist, Collins has sold more than 100 million records worldwide."
• There seems to be some over-linking in this paragraph. Familiar terms, or where the meaning is obvious, should not be linked, e.g. singer-songwriter, drummer, keyboardist, studio albums, singles. Overlinking draws attention away from those terms where the link is genuinely useful.
• Second, third and fourth paragraphs all begin "Collins..." try and find some variety of expression here. For example the third paragraph could read: "In early 1985 Collins released..." (The start of the second paragraph should be "Collins's")
• You need to say briefly what "5x Platinum", "3x Platinum" etc mean. These terms are unfamiliar outside the music industry.
• "In 1984 he also participated in Bob Geldof's Band Aid charity project, as well as playing drums on the Band Aid single Do They Know It's Christmas?." Is this information relevant to Collins's discography?
• ""...Two Hearts" and a cover of "A Groovy Kind of Love", which became a UK and US number one." Which of these became a UK and US number one?
• Instead of "The following year", why not say "In 1989..."? Then you won't need "at the end of 1989" at the sentence end.
• After 1998 we lose track of time somewhat. For example, "Collins' next single, "You'll Be in My Heart" is undated. Was this his last disc (apart from tributes and compilations)?
• There are uncited statements at the ends of paragraphs two, three and four'.
• The charts look good. I can't really comment on these, through lack of knowledge.

I hope these comments are useful. Please consider helping the peer review process by reviewing one of the other articles listed in the backlog (See WP:PR page) Brianboulton (talk) 16:40, 25 April 2010 (UTC)

thank you so much! sooooo helpful and makes alot of sense :) Mister sparky (talk) 22:22, 29 April 2010 (UTC)