Wikipedia:Peer review/Rebbie Jackson/archive1

Rebbie Jackson

This peer review discussion has been closed.
This is a short but comprehensive article that I feel could become a FA in the future. I feel that a peer review is needed first, to fix any problems that it may have.

Thanks, Pyrrhus16 18:26, 27 October 2009 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This is interesting, broad in coverage, neutral, stable, and verifiable. I don't know enough about Rebbie Jackson to say whether it's comprehensive or not. I have quite a few specific suggestions, mostly about prose and style.

Lead

• "The album featured songs written by Smokey Robinson, Prince and her younger brother Michael, the latter's contribution (the title track "Centipede") becoming Jackson's most successful single release." - Perhaps a bit stronger would be "The album featured songs written by Smokey Robinson, Prince and her younger brother Michael, whose contribution (the title track "Centipede") became Jackson's most successful single release."
• "Following a ten-year hiatus from the music industry... " - 10-year for consistency?

1950–1967: Early life

• "Father Joseph was a steel mill employee... " - Maybe just plain Joseph would be better since Father Joseph reads as "Catholic priest" at first glance.
• Spell out R&B on first use and wikilink, thus: "Rhythm and blues (R&B)"?
• "His wife Katherine is a... " - Katherine should be set off by commas unless Joseph has more than one wife.
• "Under the faith, the family were not allowed to celebrate Christmas... " - "Family" is singular but "were" is plural. Either "family members were" or "family was" would be OK.

1968–1973: Marriage

• "Katherine gave her daughter encouragement to proceed with the union... " - Tighten to "Katherine encouraged her daughter to proceed with the union... "?

1974–1983: Early career

• Perhaps something is needed early in this section to explain what caused her to change her mind about a singing career.
• "The initial run of the 30-minute programme... " - I think the U.S.-centric "program" would be more appropriate. Ditto for "programmes" a couple of sentences later.
• "The shows were the first time that an... " - Maybe "marked" rather than "were" since a show is not a time.
• "Prior to the series, Jackson had thought of singing as only a minor hobby she would partake in the privacy of her home." - Suggestion: "Prior to the series, Jackson had thought of her singing as merely a private hobby."
• "The Jacksons influenced the female to become a professional recording artist; she had received support from the show's producer, who informed her that becoming a singer would be a good move for the talented woman." - Tighten to "The Jacksons motivated her to become a professional recording artist, and the show's producer encouraged her to sing."
• "Jackson would serve as a backing vocalist for several musicians around this time, as well as a cabaret singer." - "served" rather than "would serve"? Wikilink backing vocalist? Wikilink cabaret?

1984–1985: Centipede

• "reaching number 13 on Billboard's Top R&B/Hip-Hop Albums chart and number 63 on their Top 200" - "its" rather than "their" since Billboard is singular?
• "and was subsequently certified gold" - Wikilink certified gold?

1986–1997: Reaction and R U Tuff Enuff

• "Duets were featured on the album, including one with Cheap Trick lead singer Robin Zander and another with Isaac Hayes." - Flip to active voice, thus: "The album featured duets, including... "?
• "not released as a single, despite receiving substantial airplay" - Wikilink airplay?

1998–2008: Yours Faithfully

• "believing that she had already been there and done that" - Slang.
• "which features a rap by son Austin" - Wikilink rap?
• "Aside from Austin, two of her other children featured on the album; Stacee and Yashi contributed backing vocals" - Tighten to "In addition, two of her other children, Stacee and Yashi, contributed backing vocals for the album"?
• "A duet with Men of Vizion's Spanky Williams on The Spinners' "I Don't Want to Lose You" was also featured on the album." - Flip to active voice, thus: "The album also featured a duet... "?

2009–present: Death of Michael Jackson

• I'd suggest dropping "present" from the head because it's not specific. "2009: Death of Michael Jackson" would be OK.
• "and featured as finales group renditions of the Jackson anthems" - I'm not sure something can have more than one finale. Maybe "and the finale featured group renditions of the Jackson anthems" would be better.

References

• "Terra Alta, WV" - I think it would be better to spell out West Virginia for readers outside North America.
• Can the place of publication be added for the other two books in the "Bibliography" subsection?

Images

• The lead image isn't bad, but 15kb is awfully small for a self-made photo. To head off doubts, you might search for other images. Perhaps an album cover and a fair-use rationale?

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 19:54, 2 November 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the review! All is either done or in the process of being done. Thanks again. Pyrrhus16 22:02, 2 November 2009 (UTC)