Wikipedia:Peer review/Robert Harold Davidson/archive1

Robert Harold Davidson

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to make sure that it meets a high standard in terms of writing style and documentation as I am contemplating writing more biographical articles about U.S. Marine and Army Officers that served during World War II.

Thanks, Dpatenge (talk) 15:14, 3 December 2010 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for your work on this article, here are some suggestions for improvement.

• The biggest issue with this article are its sources. I think that 34 of the 53 references are to Davidson's "personal papers", while there is also a ref that cites "various in-person conversations and email exchanges". The problem is that none of these are published sources and so are not allowed under Wikipedia's policy on verifiability, which states in part that "any material challenged or likely to be challenged must be attributed to a reliable, published source using an inline citation."
• As one example of something likely to be challenged, the lead says in part " At age 24, Davidson was one of the youngest officers in Marine Corps history to be assigned command of a Combat Infantry Battalion.[5]" The problem is that this is an extraordinary claim, and the only reference for it (ref 5) is just "Robert Harold Davidson, Experience Profile 1946. (Civilian Resume), Personnel Papers, op. cit." Now I am not doubting that Davidson really was one of the youngest officers in Marine Corps history to be given command like this, but there has to be a much better source than his own resume for such a claim.
• The basic idea is that references can be verified and must be to reliable sources. I have access to the New York Times archive and with a little searching found four references to Davidson there (there was also a judge named Robert Davidson, so I found a lot of articles on him too). These are:
  • NEW YORKERS PROMOTED; Forty Are Named Second Lieutenants in Marine Reserve, New York Times, Feb 23, 1941
  • MISS A. BREEDING WILL BE MARRIED; Wheaton Graduate Fiancee of Robert H. Davidson, Former Major in Marine Corps, New York Times, Apr 22, 1947. p. 31
  • General Foods Advances Three, New York Times, Jul 31, 1947;
  • MISS ANNE BREEDING, R.H. DAVIDSON MARRY New York Times, Aug 31, 1947. p. 33
• The article also refers to some sources that are relaible, but need more information given. For example his obituary in the New York Times is cited, but the page is not given (p. 15). I would imagine other newspapers (closer to his home) also carried an obituary, probably in more detail than the Times.
• I also googled "Iwo Jima Davidson" and found that he is in the book "Iwo Jima" By Richard F. Newcomb, Harry Schmidt which mentions his being wounded in the rocket attack on pp. 252-253. Other books seem like they mention him there too.
• On to the article - the disambig links finder tool in the box in the upper right corner of this page finds four disambiguation links that need to be fixed.
• Try to avoid short (one or two sentence) paragraphs and sections as they interrupt the flow of the article
• The link should be to Fanny Farmer for the candy shops
• The article is very heavy on his military service and very light on his life after - please read WP:WEIGHT
• Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches for more details

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 05:10, 14 December 2010 (UTC)