Wikipedia:Peer review/Rotator cuff tear/archive1

Rotator cuff tear

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because my KIN 412 group and I have edited each section (anatomy, presentation, classification, prognosis, diagnosis, treatment, and summary) of this article to provide more information to the general public. This was done as part of a project in class, which required us to research rotator cuff tears, find peer reviewed and scholarly references, and post our new found information on Wikipedia to be distributed to the masses! If you could please review this article and tell us if the added information is beneficial, insufficient, etc., it would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks, Sallisonm (talk) 21:28, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for your work on this article, which needs some changes to more closely follow the Manual of Style (MOS) on Wikipedia. Here are some suggestions for improvement.

• The lead does not follow WP:LEAD and needs to be expanded and made a more accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. Nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself
• My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way, even if it is just a sentence or phrase. I would make sure that the shoulder is mentioned much earlier in the lead,
• I also note that Wikipedia articles do not have Conclusions (even if academic papers do, this need to follow the MOS here. I think much of the current Conclusion section could be used as part of the new Lead
• Avoid second person (you, yours) in things like A rotator cuff injury can include any type of irritation or damage to your rotator cuff muscles or tendons.[1] ("the" would work here instead of "your")
• Article has few wikilinks - please add more to help provide context to the reader
• Biggest problem I see is that the article is a lack of references in places - places without references include the first two paragraphs of the "Anatomy" section, almost all of the Classification section, and first three paragraphs of the Treatment section. My rule of thumb is that every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph needs a ref.
• Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V
• The article has several short (one or two sentence) paragraphs and is list-y in places - if possible try to convert this to straight prose for better article flow
• The MOS says to include both metric and English units - the {{convert}} template does this nicely
• Headers need to follow WP:HEAD - the reader already knows this is about rotator cuff tears, so the Diagnosis section does not need subheaders like "Symptoms associated with rotator cuff tears" - just "Symptoms" would be OK.
• I am not sure what the difference is between Symptoms and Signs in the Diagnosis section
• File:Shoulderjoint.PNG shows the four tendons and may be a useful image to include here
• A model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow - there are several WP:FAs in Wikipedia:Featured_articles#Health_and_medicine which seem like they would be useful models.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 03:44, 11 May 2010 (UTC)