Wikipedia:Peer review/S&M (song)/archive3

S&M (song)[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because…this articles NEEDS to pass its fifth FAC. Yes, it has failed 4! Please list any faults you can see. Has just been copyedited by someone from the GOCE. *I'd like someone/people to comment who are very familiar with the FAC process*.

Thanks, Calvin • ^{Watch n' Learn} 00:37, 15 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Nikkimaria

Per request I'm offering a few comments about things to improve in this article, but this list is not comprehensive and I'm not any kind of expert in pop-music articles; if possible you should try to find someone who is to comment. Nikkimaria (talk) 01:20, 15 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"When speaking about the lyrical meaning behind the song, Rihanna explained that listeners should not take it too seriously, saying that she does not interpret the song as being sexual, instead saying that it more metaphorically" - unclear sentence, and the last clause in particular is not grammatically correct
A 25-second sample from a 4:04 track is pushing it on the <10% fair-use rule
Doing. Calvin • ^{Watch n' Learn} 15:25, 15 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Done Calvin • ^{Watch n' Learn} 01:47, 21 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Don't italicize quotes
File:Ester_Dean_in_"Pitch_Perfect"_movie_set.jpg is nominated for deletion, and based on current vote-count is likely to be deleted
"The song was written by Mikkel S. Eriksen and Tor Erik Hermansen under their stage name Stargate, Corey Jackson Carter, Sandy Wilhelm under her stage name Sandy Vee, and Ester Dean" - suggest reformulating to put people without stage names first, if possible. Also, not sure if "stage name" is the correct term. Perhaps "pseudonym" would be better?
"overt use of sexual lyrics" -> "overtly sexual lyrics"?
"stand-out track" is a bit colloquial unless it's a direct quote - suggest quoting or rephrasing
"Rihanna's response to her critics whom she considered had been disparaging" - "Rihanna's response to critics that she considered to have been disparaging"?
"night time television" -> "night-time television" or "nighttime television", depending on hyphenation standard used. There are a few other spots where hyphens should be added or subtracted
"after she was allegedly assaulted by her ex-boyfriend" - were they dating at the time of the alleged assault? If so, suggest "then-boyfriend"
"digital music sheet" -> "digital sheet music"?
I don't think that sounds right. Read both out loud. The first sounds better. Calvin • ^{Watch n' Learn} 15:25, 15 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
You might consider using the {{sic}} template instead of writing it in manually
What do gold and platinum certifications signify?
Why "on November 29, 2010, upon the release" but "on December 4, 2010 upon the album's release"? Use consistent punctuation
""S&M"...became the artist with the most number one songs" - I don't think that's what you meant to say
"In the issue of Billboard published on April 30, 2011, due to the release of the remix featuring Britney Spears, "S&M" sold 293,000 downloads" - this reads rather awkwardly
"becoming Rihanna's' tenth US number one single" - missing a hyphen, have an extra apostrophe. In general, check punctuation in this paragraph.
Done all, with two replies.

Stopping in-depth commentary at the bottom of the Chart performance section. Nikkimaria (talk) 01:20, 15 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from AJona1992

Well well well, I'm not familiar with the FAC but its always nice to get as much reviews/opinions from users who are not familiar with the topic (though I know who Rihanna is). So this is just a few comments from me and someone else will review it.

The second para on the lead reads ""S&M" debuted at number fifty-three on the US Billboard Hot 100 chart upon the album's release", however, per WP:ORDINAL (As a general rule, in the body of an article, single-digit whole numbers from zero to nine are spelled out in words; numbers greater than nine are commonly rendered in numerals).

This sentence (same para) With the release of the remix, needs some clarification, I believe you do mean "remix version" of this single, though I'm not sure if changing it to "remix version" would help the prose at all. Maybe the next reviewer can help with this one.

This part in the "Background and composition" section reads "S&M" is an up-tempo, why isn't up-tempo wikilinked? In many (or even most) FA song articles, tempo is always wikilinked in the composition section once, though, here it isn't.

File:Rihanna - S&M.ogg needs a better (rather a further reasoning) rational then currently presented. Here are some examples File:Set Fire to Rain.ogg and File:Selena-DreamingOfYou-wiki.ogg, and a discussion about the "further reasoning" for music samples hopping to seek FA status.
Doing. Calvin • ^{Watch n' Learn}
Not done I don't see a "further rational" section. Best, Jona yo! ^{Selena 4 ever} 16:55, 15 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Hence why I said "doing", not "done"... Calvin • ^{Watch n' Learn} 17:11, 15 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry about that. Best, Jona yo! ^{Selena 4 ever} 17:13, 15 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
FN#3 Publisher/label? Also, a catalog number (publisherid) and page numbers are recommended
FN#10 why is musicnotes.com italicized?
FN#12 I was told that Slant Magazine is never italicized because it is a web site, not a printed publication
FN#16 publisher?
That is the publisher. Calvin • ^{Watch n' Learn} 16:13, 15 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
FN#46, FN#47, FN#51, FN#67, FN#72, FN#82, FN#83, FN#115, FN#127, FN#129, FN#130 and FN#131 is not being consistent with FN#7, FN#45, FN#116, FN#117 and FN#118
How is FN45 not consistent with 46, 47, 51, 67, 72, 82, or 82? Can you elaborate. FN116, 117 and 118 and pre-coded, I can't help the linking.
Because some Billboard sources you wikilink the magazine and publisher, however, with some you don't. Best, Jona yo! ^{Selena 4 ever} 16:55, 15 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Yeahhhhhhh, pre-coded means you can't change it! Calvin • ^{Watch n' Learn} 17:11, 15 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
lolz thanks for telling me :-) Well everyone isn't perfect. Best, Jona yo! ^{Selena 4 ever} 17:13, 15 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]
FN#70 is not being consistent with the way you present authors. For example, for FN#66 you wrote "White, Belinda" however for FN#70 you wrote "Jody Thompson".

I hope these pointers help :-) Happy holidays, Jona yo! ^{Selena 4 ever} 01:20, 15 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Have done all apart from those with replies. Calvin • ^{Watch n' Learn} 16:13, 15 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]