Wikipedia:Peer review/Sanctuary (season 1)/archive1

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to nominate for FAC. I'd like a peer review first because I feel I have done all I can, and now need fresh eyes to point out any prose issues.

Thanks, Matthew RD 20:18, 7 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Some initial remarks:

  • The date format in the references is inconsistent, the first couple refs use day month year, the rest uses month day, year. Ref 19 uses ISO YYYY-MM-DD format for retrieved date.
  • Rename "DVD and Blu-ray Disc release", "Home video releases"" per WP:MOSTV.
  • Add Variety after "Brian Lowry" in the quote, the {{Rquote}} template is setup for this (para 4).
  • I don't believe the "(currently "Syfy")" is necessary in the broadcast section.
  • There is an inconsistency with American and British spelling. Used in article: favourite (B) (American: favorite), realize (A) (British: realise), realise (B) (American: realize), ization (A) (British: isation), installment (A) (British: instalment), aging (A) (British: ageing), program (A) (British: programme).

Very nice work in such a short time. Xeworlebi (talk) 20:30, 7 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for those notes. I have decided to use American English, so changed all the Brit English. -- Matthew RD 00:26, 8 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Part 1 of a more in-dept and on prose based review:

  • Use non breaking spaces ( ) between values and their unit. Example "$21 million" → "$21 million" See WP:NBSP for more info.
  • check for WP:LQ, such as "hit and miss," → "hit and mis",
  • "where a team track down" seems rather vague, a team of what? or could simply be changed to "the Sanctuary team".
  • "against the Cabal, their nemesis who" I believe nemesis refers to a person rather than an organization, also not really clear the Cabal is an organization rather than a single person. Also can we call them a nemesis? they only became aware of there existence in episode 3, nemesis more implies long time enemy
  • "commission a first season", maybe change to "commission a television show" or "commission a television season"
  • "together written all" change to "together wrote all"
  • "The first season cost an estimated $21 million." either "costs" or "costed"
  • "Critical reactions behind the season were mixed" behind? "of", "for"?
  • "In total, five awards were, including one Gemini and four Leos." were what? also 4+1=5, so five awards including 5?
  • "caputured" (ep4) typo (captured)
  • "colour" is still British spelling (tool didn't catch that earlier)
  • "Christopher Heyerdahl plays two characters, as Bigfoot" remove "as", perhaps use a colon, and a semicolon between different part ("Sanctuary; and John Druitt") for clearer separation
  • Why is the regular cast section split in two paragraphs? There doesn't seem to be a apparent difference that would serve as a logical split point
  • "humour" is still British spelling (tool didn't catch that earlier)
  • "The producers cast Robbins, and was receptive towards his performance." "casted" and "were"
  • "his scenes in the season premiere" change to "his scenes for the season premiere"
  • "Young had to also appear in one of those plays" sentence makes little sense to me
  • "the grandaughter of Nigel Griffin" typo ("granddaughter")
  • "after she was recommeded by Robin Dunne" drop the "Robin", also "recommeded" typo ("recommended")
  • "Kindler did not like his performance, but Wood liked it" double "like[d]", maybe change to "but Wood did"
  • "Also in the episode, Sarah Strange and Thai-Hoa Lee" "Also" isn't that great of a sentence start, also, shouldn't it be "for the episode"?

Ok, I made it till the end of the cast section, but it's 4 am so I'm going to sleep, I'll pick this back up at a later time. Xeworlebi (talk) 02:58, 8 January 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Part 2 of a more in-dept and on prose based review:

  • "A Stargate SG-1 writer at the time, he asked series director Martin Wood if there was a potential to a series" weird structure, maybe change to "he asked director Martin Wood, a Stargate SG-1 writer at the time, if there was potential for a series"
  • "According to actress and executive producer, the season" which? Tapping I assume
  • "All episodes of the first season were written by Sam Egan and Damian Kindler." drop the "Damien"
  • "The season was given a budget of an estimated $21 million." structure weird, maybe change to "The season was given a an estimated budget of $21 million
  • "Director Martin Wood contributed to the story of", drop the "Martin" and delink his name
  • "incorporarting" typo (incorporating)
  • ""The Five" become a significant part of the series mythology" change to "became"
  • "inadverdantly" typo (inadvertently)
  • Red One cameras shoot in 4K resolution, maybe add this link to the article, also, "resolutions up to 4096 horizontal by 2048 vertical pixels" just sounds weird
  • "Martin Wood directed eight of the thirteen episodes" drop the "Martin"
  • "elaborate sets are not built for the scenes to be filmed" change to "were not built"
  • "reorganising" still British spelling (tool didn't catch that)
  • "preffered" typo (preferred)
  • (image) "decomissioned" typo (decommissioned)
  • "Intead" typo (Instead)
  • "Robin Dunne wore a muscle suit that was previously" drop the "Robin"
  • "were produced by Sanctuary's art depart" use {{'s}} and de-italicize the 's
  • "mannaquins" typo (mannequins)
  • "The first season, was broadcast" why is there a comma here?
  • "originaly" typo (originally)
  • "Tapping believed plz show me a sentence
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