Wikipedia:Peer review/Sigi Schmid/archive1

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Sigi Schmid[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to see it meet FA requirements. Any thoughts on what improvements are needed would be appreciated.Cptnono (talk) 22:29, 16 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This looks very good. It's well-written, seems comprehensive, verifiable by WP:RS sources, well-organized, interesting, and generally follows the Manual of Style guidelines. I'd be inclined to revise the singular-plural pairs that mate a single entity such as UCLA or Los Angeles Galaxy with a plural pronoun, "they". Some of the links in the citations are dead and will need to be updated or replaced. Here are a few suggestions for further improvement.

Lead

  • I'd be inclined to hyphenate German-American in the first sentence since you are using it as an adjective modifying "coach".

UCLA and U.S. soccer

  • "From 1978 to 1984, while he was coaching, Schmid worked eight months out of the year as a CPA." - Tighten by one word by deleting "of"; i.e., "eight months of the year"?
  • "In 1985, UCLA won the NCAA Division I championship at the Kingdome in Seattle when they defeated American University... ". - Should it be "UCLA ... it" rather than "UCLA ... they"?
  • "The U.S. won their group in the opening stage of the tournament without conceding a goal... ". - I won't keep harping on this, but I think "U.S." is singular and "their" is plural even though "U.S." refers to a team. "Team" is also singular. To use the plural, you would need to say something like "team members", which may be too wordy. Maybe just, "The U.S. won its group... "? Ditto for other similar constructions throughout the article.

Los Angeles Galaxy

  • "Schmid was forced to play an atypical squad since the final was held during the MLS offseason." - Would it be helpful to elaborate a bit? What's the connection between the off-season and an atypical squad? Also, off-season needs a hyphen.
  • "Success followed in 2002 with the Galaxy winning the Supporters' Shield for having the best regular season record in the MLS." - "With" doesn't make a very good conjunction. Suggestion: "Success followed in 2002 when the Galaxy won the Supporters' Shield for having the best regular season record in the MLS."
  • "The shift allowed Alexi Lalas to play as a sweeper without marking responsibilities in the backfield." - The jargon here is a bit dense. What does it mean to "mark responsibilities"? Do sweepers normally have backfield responsibilities, or did Schmid especially tell Lalas not to worry about the backfield in this particular game?
  • "Midway through the 2004 season Schmid was fired, despite the team being in first place in the league, and Schmid coaching the Western Conference in the All-Star game." - Awkward. Suggestion: "Midway through the 2004 season Schmid was fired even though his team was in first place in the league and even though he had been picked to coach the Western Conference in the All-Star game."

Seattle Sounders F.C.

  • "Schmid was named the first coach of the expansion franchise, Seattle Sounders FC, and is the team's current coach." - "Current" is non-specific; it's better to use something specific like "and has continued with the team through 2010." That number will have to be updated periodically, but at least editors can tell at a glance whether it needs updating or not.

References

  • Magazine titles such as Sports Illustrated should appear in italics.

Other

  • The link checker tool at the top of this review page finds four dead urls in the citations.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 17:02, 27 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Awesome. Thanks Finetooth!Cptnono (talk) 17:35, 27 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Skotywa comments

  • As of 2009, he is the head coach of Seattle Sounders FC. - Should be updated to 2010?
  • He moved with his family moved to the United States in 1956 when he was four years old - needs to be reworded
  • Don't know if this has been previously considered, but it might be worth mentioning that his brother lives in the Seattle area and was part of what enticed him to Seattle. Also that his mother died when he was young.ref
  • There is a lot of overlinking as well as repeated links. For example, Los Angeles Galaxy should be linked the first time it shows up in prose and then not again. (I usually exclude the lead section from this rule). U.S. Open Cup links are another example.
    • Galaxy has infobox, lead, prose, lists. That seems like many but is within that gray area since all of those typically get it. We could remove the one in the main body? The Cups all go to the specific years. Does that seem eastereggy? I don't mind removing those or better specifying the year if needed. Do you notice any other links?Cptnono (talk) 03:26, 5 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • and earn a spot in the FIFA Club World Cup - I don't think this actually happened (at least the Wikipedia articles don't mention it).
    • Sure did. Actually something to look forward to if it happens next April.Cptnono (talk) 03:19, 5 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sorry, I should have been more clear. I was talking about where that exact text appears in the article in reference to the LA Galaxy in 2000. I don't think they actually went on to play in the Club World Cup. If they did, then a sentence should be added to explain how LA performed there. --SkotyWATC 04:24, 17 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Wikipedia has failed you! This is the current source used. They faced Real Madrid and I think I recall seeing a source saying they lost. I'll track a reference down right now. And maybe adjust the other Wikipedia article if I can find another detailing the qualification process.Cptnono (talk) 04:30, 17 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Follow-up: I have failed! The Club World Cup was postponed that year.[1] I need to find more sources. I should have known Wikipedia would have the answer: canceled. They lost to Real Madrid in a friendly years later. Cptnono (talk) 04:38, 17 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Even with his team was in first place in the league and after being picked to coach the Western Conference in the All-Star game, Shmid was fired midway through the 2004 season His termination came after the Galaxy scored only three goals in a winless five-game stretch. - there are a number of things wrong with this sentence (capitalization, grammar, and spelling)
  • We need to get a more recent picture in this article of Schmid wearing Sounders FC stuff. I'll see if I can dig up one (or take a picture myself).
    • YES! I check Flickr after every game but there has been nothing. Please feel free to replace it if you can track one down.Cptnono (talk) 03:19, 5 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think all the references to "the Sounders" should be replaced with "Sounders FC" or "Seattle".
  • References
    • Are 35, 53, and 59 reliable sources?
      • Not sure. I'll do a google news archive search to replace them.Cptnono (talk) 03:19, 5 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • The publisher needs to be in itallics for references.
      • Disagree on this one unless it is a source that is published on paper. Maybe we'll finally get an answer if I don't right?Cptnono (talk) 03:19, 5 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • External links look to be in good shape and alt text is present for all images (though the one for the MLS Cup picture could be expanded).

This article has improved a lot since the last time I read it. It's getting close to FA quality I think. --SkotyWATC 16:44, 4 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

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