Wikipedia:Peer review/Silent Alarm/archive1

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Silent Alarm[edit]

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Hey everyone. I'm requesting this review because Rafablu88 and I are planning to put it up at FAC soon and we would like some insight into how the language fares with other FAs in this area as well as if it is missing anything or is formatted incorrectly. Thanks for any insight you can provide. weburiedoursecretsinthegarden 12:45, 22 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I would reiterate what Garden has said and also encourage any willing editors to be bold and just edit something without commenting here, if they feel it would improve the quality of the article to FA standards. We've already followed the comments arising from the GA review. Any type of advice is more than welcome and we will do our best to edit accordingly. Rafablu88 (talk) 13:21, 22 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This reads well and seems complete, though I should add that I come to this as a total outsider with no prior knowledge of the band or the genre. I have a few suggestions for improving the prose in the early sections, and I see a problem with one of the image licenses.

Lead

  • "The album deals with various themes including personal relationships, transition to adulthood, and politics." - I might tighten this a bit to eliminate "various" and to avoid calling "personal relationships" a "theme". Suggestion: "The album examines personal relationships, politics, and the transition to adulthood."
DONE Rafablu88 (talk) 05:16, 31 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "while another critic commented that the album instated Bloc Party... " - Instated? Do you mean "established"?
DONE Rafablu88 (talk) 05:16, 31 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Early ideas and exposure (2003–2004)

  • "It was the joining of drummer Matt Tong after an audition that allowed the band to evolve in terms of how they wrote and recorded the songs on Silent Alarm." - A bit awkward. Suggestion: "After drummer Matt Tong joined the group, the band wrote new kinds of songs later included in Silent Alarm." Or something like that.
DONE Rafablu88 (talk) 05:16, 31 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Nevertheless, the band signed to independent label Wichita Recordings on the back of successful radio performances... " - I'm not sure what you mean by "signed to". Does it mean "signed a contract with"? And does "on the back of" mean "after"?
DONE Rafablu88 (talk) 05:16, 31 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Should EP and DJ be spelled out on first use for readers who might not know what they mean?
I doubt they need expanding and they're both linked. Everyone knows what a DJ is and saying "extended play" would probably confuse people more. Rafablu88 (talk) 05:16, 31 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Writing and recording (2004)

  • "but chief writer Okereke notes that" - Shouldn't this be "noted" rather than "notes"?
DONE Rafablu88 (talk) 05:16, 31 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The meaning behind some of the songs has been kept in some level of ambiguity by the band." - Active voice is usually better in cases like this. Suggestion: "The band has made the meaning of some of the songs ambiguous."
DONE Rafablu88 (talk) 05:16, 31 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Charlotte Cripps of The Independent suggested that the songs are crafted to balance dark lyrics with uplifting melodies. Okereke agrees and explains that they try to make clear an existential pointlessness in life." - "Suggests" rather than "suggested"?
DONE Rafablu88 (talk) 05:16, 31 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Images

  • MOS:IMAGES suggests that image sizes should generally be set to "thumb" rather than a specific pixel width. The two images in the main text sections should be set to "thumb".
The advice page says "generally". I think it's at the writer's and editors' discretion but unless the photo is something ridiculous like 1000px then I think we're OK. Both are nicely merged in the text. Rafablu88 (talk) 05:16, 31 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Image:Bloc Party.jpg has a license problem. If you click on the source link to flickr and then click on the "Some rights reserved" link under "Additional information", you will see that the license includes a "noncommercial" clause and a "no-derivatives" clause. Unfortunately, that makes it unusable on Wikipedia on two counts. WP:IUP says, "Images which are listed as for non-commercial use only, by permission, or which restrict derivatives are unsuitable for Wikipedia and will be deleted on sight, unless they are used under fair use." I doubt that you can make a fair-use argument for three images in the same article. A possible solution would be to convince the copyright holder to re-license as CC-by-SA rather than CC-by-NC-ND. In other words, it could be used if it had the same kind of license as Image:Bloc Party Warfield 05.jpg.
DONE Rafablu88 (talk) 05:16, 31 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I hope these few suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 00:29, 31 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your comments and editing. If I have time, I will definitely have a look at other PR articles. Rafablu88 (talk) 05:16, 31 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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