Wikipedia:Peer review/Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones/archive2

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Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones[edit]

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I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to bring this to FAC, making it my first film FA. In particular, I'd like to know if there is anything more that the article could use in terms of content and organization. I have just begun working on the article and am currently waking my way through the recent FAR that the article went through, here. I've also created a to do list that I am currently working through, so if a point is already on there, then there's no need to mention it again. Thanks in advance! Gary King (talk) 21:01, 17 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: This is my least favorite Star Wars movie, but it deserves a better article than this - thanks for working on it. I would look closely at the FAR for ideas and the other Star Wars film articles for ideas and examples to follow. While I looked at the FAR and to do list, I may duplicate some ideas in these suggestions for improvement.

  • Lead does not follow WP:LEAD both 1) in that it does not really summarize the rest of the article (My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way, but several sections are not mentioned in the lead at all) and 2) in that nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself (but the Harry Potter movie is only in the lead - the list of other films that outgrossed it is too specific a detail for the lead anyway).
  • Language needs some serious cleanup work. Two examples: In Plot In defiance of his orders to remain on Naboo, Anakin convinces Padmé to accompany him to Tatooine to save his mother in the process of disobeying Obi Wan's orders to remain on Naboo. could just be In defiance of Obi Wan's order to remain on Naboo, Anakin convinces Padmé to accompany him to Tatooine to save his mother. and in Cast Ahmed Best as Jar Jar Binks: Who was recently appointed Representative of Naboo by Senator Amidala. Capitalized who?? No mention that Jar Jar (ugh) is CGI so only Best's voice appears in the film?
  • The whole plot reads a little too fan boy-esque and could be much more NPOV / written from an out-of-universe perspective.
  • Several places need refs (in addition to the known problem of poor quality refs or not using critical scholarship). For example, just in the Cast section The end credits erroneously list Alan Ruscoe as playing Neimoidian senator Lott Dod. The character was actually another Neimodian, played by an uncredited David Healey and voiced by Christopher Truswell named Gilramos Libkath. needs a ref and we need to be told who reported these rumors in Before filming started, Catherine Zeta-Jones was rumored to have been cast as a Dark Jedi and Ralph Fiennes was reported to have been considered to play a young Grand Moff Tarkin. Or the Roger Ebert review also needs a ref.
  • Several places where context could be provided to the reader - in Writing, for example In 1999 and 2000, Lucas transformed his original treatment for Episode II into a screenplay. says nothing about the original treatment Lucas wrote. This sentence could also be easily combined with the next (on the co-writer)
  • Article has several short (one or two sentence) paragraphs and a short section (Legacy) which could be combined with others, or perhaps expanded to improve flow. Legacy is an odd choice of name for the novelizations and comic book - would "In other media" be better? Were any video or computer games released that ttied in to the movie?
  • Poster and Yoda image seem fine as fair use, not sure how the use of File:Imperialmarch.jpg fits WP:NFCC in the current state of the article.

This needs a lot of work. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 17:09, 27 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Ealdgyth (talk · contribs)

Hope this helps. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) 02:10, 1 March 2009 (UTC)
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