Wikipedia:Peer review/Sturm Brightblade/archive1

Sturm Brightblade[edit]

I'm hoping to bring this article to Good Article status soon, and want to know what needs to be done to do so. Compare to current good articles Goldmoon and Riverwind. Thanks. Dooms Day349 18:37, 28 June 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Overall it looks good. A couple of comments:

The use of "we" in the "Appearances" section gives the article an informal feel that is not really appropriate for an encyclopedia. (See WP:TONE#Tone.)
The characteristics section employs some jargon that may not be transparent to readers who are unfamiliar with the game: "one handed sword", "two handed sword +3" and a "bonus to charisma checks". (See WP:Jargon.) Could these be explained in a form that does not require game rule knowledge? For example: two-handed sword—a magical weapon that, within the Dungeons and Dragons game system, provides a +3 bonus to attacks and inflicted damage.

Thank you. — RJH (talk) 19:10, 3 July 2007 (UTC)[reply]