Wikipedia:Peer review/Survivor: Borneo/archive1

Survivor: Borneo

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for November 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want it featured. I spent a lot of time expanding it, and I'd like some comments to improve it.

Thanks, iMatthew 16:52, 22 November 2008 (UTC)

Comments from Gary King (talk · contribs)

• Unlink common terms like United States
• ", it was then" – ", and then it was"
• "season -" – "season," or "season—"
• "filmed during 2000" – "filmed in early 2000"
• I'm wondering if the summary should be written in present or past tense. Television series are in present because it's as if we're watching it when reading it, but I understand that this is past because these were real events that happened in the past. Something worth thinking about.

Gary King (talk) 22:02, 22 November 2008 (UTC)

Done, and I'll make all terms past tense tonight. iMatthew 22:14, 22 November 2008 (UTC)

It looks like it's already in past tense. Gary King (talk) 22:22, 22 November 2008 (UTC)

I believe I have some still in present, so I'll look it over again later. iMatthew 22:42, 22 November 2008 (UTC)

Comments from SRX [TRUco]

• Before the change to Survivor: Borneo, the season was known universally as Survivor: Pulau Tiga, and then it was changed again to its present title to avoid confusion with the tenth season, Survivor: Palau. - instead of and then -->but it was changed to it's present title...etc. (because it is very repetitive.
• The show was filmed in early 2000 and aired later that year on CBS. - why not stated the exact dates, as they are in the infobox?
• When ten players remained, the contestants "merged" into one tribe, named Rattana. - is it necessary to have merged in quotations? If emphasis is needed, why not place it in italics or link to it.
• At the second immunity challenge, contestants were forced to eat a typical Malaysian food called Butok, live beetle. - are you trying to say which is live beetle here? As there needs to be some word before live beetle to explain that.
• B.B. Anderson was sent home from the Pagong tribe. - there is no transition from the previous sentence to this one.
• Like in pro wrestling articles, I recommend linking somewhere the Survivor Rules.
  • How about in a see also section? iMatthew 22:58, 22 November 2008 (UTC)
• By reading the first paragraph, I am lost. It would be better if at some points it is stated on what day the events took place.--TRU_CO 22:38, 22 November 2008 (UTC)

Done with everything, and a comment. iMatthew 23:02, 22 November 2008 (UTC)

Comments from Juliancolton (talk · contribs)

• The show began filming on March 31, 2000, ending on April 20, 2000, and aired later that year on CBS. - Reads slightly oddly.
• After 39 days of competition, corporate trainer Richard Hatch was named the Sole Survivor, defeating whitewater rafting guide Kelly Wiglesworth in a 4-3 jury vote. - Hyphen to en dash.
• Over 6,000 people applied for the show, however only eight hundred were interviewed in sixteen different cities. - "Eight hundred" → "800".
• During the first night, neither tribe had a completed shelter, or a fire. - Remove the comma after "shelter"
• Later on, Gervase compared women to cows, which Joel Klug laughed at. - Excessive detail.
• Gervase however couldn't claim immunity on day 30, as Richard won, and Gervase was voted out. - Expand contraction.
• The DVD release of season one was released by Paramount Pictures in the U.S. on 11 May 2004, after it had completed broadcast on television. As well as every episode from the season, the DVD release features bonus material including commentary, interviews and behind-the-scenes featurettes. needs a source.
• Aside from that, an overall copyedit would be helpful. Hope this helps, –Juliancolton ^{Tropical Cyclone} 01:33, 23 November 2008 (UTC)

Done. iMatthew 01:40, 23 November 2008 (UTC)