Wikipedia:Peer review/Take a Girl Child to Work Day/archive1

Take a Girl Child to Work Day[edit]

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for April 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to make it a definitive and useful NPOV article on the event, with an eventual aim of making it a featured article. I'd like to know:

is it clear?
are there any points of interest you think should be added?

I'd also like to know how to request assistance for input rather than just a review, to help with

adding sources other than the official website for the event
adding criticisms and counter-critcisms

Thanks, d<3vid seaward | Talk 19:39, 26 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: I had never of this day outside of the United States, interesting article but needs work. So here are some suggestions for improvement.

The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article and should probably be two paragraphs at least. My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way. Please see WP:LEAD
Any chance for a free image or two of these girls at work?
Several places do not have references and need them - for example the History section. My rule of thumb is that every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph needs a ref.
Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V
ALmost all of the refs are from Ccell - what have independent third-party sources said about this topic? Do newspapers cover it or are there editorials or opinion pieces on it? I do not know of such sources, but it seems like they should be out there.
Many of the paragraphs andsections are very short (one or two sentences) and should be combined with oithers or perhaps expanded to improve the flow of the article.
Many of the sections seem lacking details - "History" lists nine days but only two themes and nothing on development, participation (numbers) etc. Or in the Citicisms and concerns section, sayiong "The criticisms and concerns of any corporate social responsibility initiative also apply to this one." is bunk - cite specifics or get rid of this section.
Bold text is overused - see WP:ITALIC
See also is only for articles that exist, not red links

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 21:35, 30 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]