Wikipedia:Peer review/The Girl Is Mine/archive1

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The Girl Is Mine[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
Though not the longest of articles, I think this one is fairly complete and comprehensive. I'll be taking this to FAC in the future, and, therefore, welcome a thorough review.

Thanks, Pyrrhus16 17:06, 26 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

  • I've got a couple nuggets:
  • "Despite this" in the intro. Despite what?
  • Done.
  • Which Dutch charts are cited? Wallonia or Flanders? Or did they not have two charts back then?
  • Not sure which chart it is. It only says 'Dutch chart' in the source, so there may well have been only one chart back then.
  • Personnel needs the instruments linked. It also needs a source (ideally, the album's liner notes).
  • Done.
  • Otherwise, I'm not seeing anything too bad. Looks mostly fine. Ten Pound Hammer, his otters and a clue-bat • (Many otters • One bat • One hammer) 02:32, 27 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This is well-written and well-organized. I don't recall seeing an article with two infoboxes before, but it seems to me that they make sense in this case. I have a concern about one sensational sentence in the lawsuit section, and I note a small number of other things below.

Lead

  • "The year before, Jackson and McCartney had recorded "Say Say Say" and "The Man" for the former Beatles' fifth solo album... " - Should this be "former Beatle's" since he was only one of the group?
  • Done
  • "The remix received generally unfavourable reviews from music critics." - Wikilink remix?
  • Done

Recording

  • "Jackson stated the recording of the song was one of his most enjoyable moments in the studio." - Insert "that" after "stated"?
  • Done

Release and reception

  • "Listeners were not overtly impressed by "The Girl Is Mine" - Delete "overtly" since covert reactions would be invisible.
  • Done
  • "Rolling Stone stated that the song was a "wimpoid MOR ballad" and that McCartney was "tame"." - It might be helpful to readers if you explained the meaning of MOR. If it's short, you might insert its meaning in brackets inside the quote, or you could add a footnote. I think it probably refers to a rap group, but I'm not sure.

Plagiarism lawsuits

  • "During the testimony Jackson appeared drowsy; the singer's health had deteriorated due to child sexual abuse allegations, and he was addicted to painkillers." - I'd be extremely cautious about writing something like this about a living person. You've cited a source, but on the face of it, saying that allegations caused health problems is a conclusion not necessarily supported by facts. The doubts about this part of the claim lead to doubts about the reason for including the claims. To be fair to Jackson, I'd be inclined to delete this sentence. I don't think the reader's understanding of the plagiarism issue would be altered by its removal.
  • Removed.

If you find these few comments helpful, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 17:00, 7 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your review, it was very helpful. :) Pyrrhus16 17:38, 7 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Mlaffs' comment: Not a full review, but rather a drive-by comment after seeing a piece of feedback above. With regard to your sentence in the lede — The year before, Jackson and McCartney had recorded "Say Say Say" and "The Man" for the former Beatle's fifth solo album... — your original text was somewhat more correct. Just because a musical group's name happens to be plural, it's not really correct to drop the 's' and refer to individual members as a singular. I'd suggest either The year before, Jackson and McCartney had recorded "Say Say Say" and "The Man" for the fifth solo album by the former member of The Beatles… or, more succinctly, The year before, Jackson and McCartney had recorded "Say Say Say" and "The Man" for McCartney's fifth solo album…. Mlaffs (talk) 18:25, 8 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for pointing that out. I've added the word 'latter', to avoid repetiton of 'McCartney'. Pyrrhus16 19:10, 8 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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