Wikipedia:Peer review/The Room (video game)/archive1

The Room (video game)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I am trying to prepare my new article for a Good Article nomination. I know this can be done with articles on flash games because one such article exists with GA status. I have took this article to WP:FEEDBACK and the one person that replied said the article was well made unlike most new articles. FYI, this isn't an official game based on The Room just in case you were wondering because I doubt that Sony, Nintendo, or Microsoft would dare place this on their list of console games.

Thanks, SixthAtom (talk) 00:44, 21 December 2010 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: PR is meant for articles nearing GA or FA quality rather than undeveloped articles like this one. Still, here are a few tips.

• The lead should be an inviting summary of the whole article. It should not include important information that is not developed in the main text sections. The existing lead discusses the game's development, but the article doesn't have a development section. Perhaps it should.

• The article needs copyediting. For example, this sentence makes no sense as written: "The game follows almost the same exact plot as that of the movie, in which that Johnny's fiance is in a love triangle with Mark and Johnny." Neither does this one: "Unlike in the movie, the game starts off with Lisa and Denny at Johnny's tombstone (which has been portrayed as a tall 16-bit representation of Tommy Wiseau, then the game goes back two weeks ago to Johnny coming back from the Bank of San Francisco with an earthquake suddenly starts up (most likely a reference to the 1906 San Francisco earthquake)." You might find copyediting help via WP:GOCE/REQ.

• Make sure that the sources you cite meet the WP:RS guidelines. Blogs, fan sites, and many dot-coms do not meet the guidelines.

• Should the article have a "Gameplay" section?

• It's often helpful to look at featured articles to see how other editors have handled similar topics. WP:FA#Video gaming lists featured articles about video games.

• The tools in the toolbox at the top of this review page find three links that go to disambiguation pages instead of their intended targets.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR; that is where I found this one. I don't usually watch the PR archives or check corrections or changes. If my comments are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 20:44, 25 December 2010 (UTC)

Comments by David Fuchs

Hey Sixth, coming at it from the standpoint of a frequent video game article writer:

• Copyediting as Finetooth says is important! Also, take a look at the Manual of Style; there are stylistic elements that are handled either in violation of the MoS or else inconsistently (for example with the sentence "The game has also had positive reviews from press..." commas and punctuation go before references, not after.)
• Expansion! A general video game article needs four sections: gameplay, explaining how players go about playin' the thing; a plot section; a development section that explains some of the background info; and the reception section that summarizes critical reaction. This article has the beginnings of two but really needs the others. Also, the plot section does a bad job introducing people to the game, especially as it presumes readers know about The Room (the movie.) You can't expect foreknowledge with Wiki articles, so introduce the movie and don't go into too much detail about the movie details. A good benchmark I use is cutting most of the plot details if they cannot be sourced reliably.
  • You have a bunch of reviews linked in the reception section, but there's little in the way of actual prose. Depending on the game, you may only have enough reception to explain "good" things and "bad things", or you might be able to break critical reaction down by features or elements (see for example Halo Wars, where multiplayer, plot, overall impressions and gameplay are broken into separate paragraphs.)
  • Interviews with developers on the technical aspects of the game or how they decided to create the game are good things to start looking for to create a development section.
  • The gameplay section explains how the game is played (its genre, etc.) and some of the content you have in the lead (but not in the body) would be what you could start the section with.
  • Current reference #1 (http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1196209/2) is not a reliable source as its using a pseudonymous user as an authority on what a real person said (I've removed the line as a WP:BLP issue.) A couple of the other references are blogs and may or may not be appropriate.
• For more guidance, I recommend Wikipedia:WikiProject Video games/Article guidelines as a good place to start if you're looking for advice on layout and structuring. For exemplar articles to use as examples, see Wikipedia:WikiProject Video games/Featured content.

I don't watchlist old reviews, but you can drop me a note on my talk page if you have further questions. Cheers, Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs^(talk) 19:14, 26 December 2010 (UTC)