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The Unraveling

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've done a lot of work on this recently, and I'd like to get it promoted to Good Article status. It's a pretty little-known release. I'd just like to know where I go from here. Thanks for everything dudes, Silverskylines (talk) 20:46, 15 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: I think the article probably has GA in its future, but it could use another proofing. I found and fixed some small errors in punctuation, spelling, and grammar, and I mention others below, but I don't think I caught them all. I also wonder if something more could be said about the song lyrics and the themes. I see and hear the emphasis on the instrumentation, but do the lyrics matter? If so, how? Here are further suggestions:

  • A question about number agreement often comes up in music articles. Is the word band singular? If so, shouldn't the pronoun referring to it be "it" rather than "they". If so, the second sentence of the "Background" section, "Prior to The Unraveling, the band independently released and distributed an eponymous demo album, Transistor Revolt, before changing their name" isn't grammatically correct. Likewise, if "Rise Against" is singular (an it rather than a they), then the first sentence of this section is grammatically incorrect as well. I'd suggest going through the article sentence-by-sentence to make sure that the nouns and pronouns agree in number.  Done In most articles that achieved featured/good status, I've seen the "band" antecedent as plural because it refers to the group/members. If it comes up during GA review, I'll be sure to change it.
  • Fat Wreck Chords is linked once in the lead, once in the infobox, once in the "Background" section, and once in the "2005 reissue" section. I'd unlink the last one. I don't see a lot of overlinking, but I see four links of Tim McIlrath, for another. I'd cut back to two, probably. If you look for more examples of overlinking, you'll probably find them. Most terms that are linked don't need to be linked more than once in the lead and perhaps once again on first use in the main text sections.  Done Sweet, I didn't think of that at all. Thanks!
  • Should the article include anything about lyrics or lyrical themes? McIlrath wrote them, but what else? I can certainly look for more.

Lead

  • "It was produced by Mass Giorgini at Sonic Iguana Studios in Lafayette, Indiana, in December 2000." - Switch to active voice? Suggestion: Mass Giorgini produced the album at Sonic Iguana Studios in Lafayette, Indiana, in December 2000.  Done Changed.
  • "It received generally favorable reviews from critics." - Switch to active? Suggestion: Critics generally praised the album. Not sure. I've seen the structure in a lot of other album reviews. I guess it's good to be consistent.
  • "it led to Rise Against's re-signing on Fat Wreck Chords" - Should that be "re-signing with" rather than "re-signing on"?  Done Yep, good call.
  • "album on which frontman Tim McIlrath does not play guitar" - Since not all readers will know what "frontman" means, would it be more clear to say "lead vocalist"?  Done

Background

Style and composition

  • "The Unraveling combined fast, customary hardcore punk rifts with slower melodic sounds... " - The word is "riff" rather than "rift". I'd consider linking it to Ostinato#Riff.  Done Agh, I feel stupid for missing that!
  • The Principe quotation might work better as a blockquote since it's at least four lines long. WP:MOSQUOTE explains blockquotes.  Done I think it looks better.
  • ""friendships and relationships [to] religion and memories"[15]," - The punctuation should precede the in-line citation. I fixed one that was backwards, but here's another, and citation 18 is another.  Done
  • "was considered by Bill Adams of Ground Control Magazine" - Use italics for the magazine name here and in the "Professional ratings" chart and elsewhere in the article. Be consistent with the name, not cap "M" on Magazine in one place and little "m" in another. Use whichever is the correct formal name.  Done Sounds good.

Track listing

  • "All music was written by Rise Against; all lyrics were written by Tim McIlrath." - Active voice rather than passive? Suggestion: Rise Against wrote the music for every song, and McIlrath wrote the lyrics. I'll leave it as is to be consistent, as almost all other album articles are written that way. Thanks, though.
  • I would not make the bonus tracks table collapsible. I don't see what purpose it serves, and it may give screen readers trouble.  Done True, it really should only be collapsible if there are multiple additional track listings. Thanks!

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR; that is where I found this one. I don't usually watch the PR archives or check corrections or changes. If my comments are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 18:16, 22 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]


Fezmar9 comments: I was just skimming through Rise Against articles when I noticed this was up for peer review. I have never actually PRed an article before, so I hope you find my comments constructive! Most of my comments are pretty minor though as Finetooth seems to have found a good chunk of the grammatical errors. Woo! Yay for fellow fans!

Infobox

  • The size limit for the cover art has recently been updated from 200x200 to 220x220. It's not really necessary, but you could take advantage of extra space and upload a larger image for aesthetic purposes if you wanted to. I'll definitely keep that in mind later on.
  • Per WP:ALBUM#Released, only the original release date belongs in the infobox. The 2005 reissue is mentioned several other places throughout the article.  Done
  • The "length" field should be using the {{Duration}} template.
  • I notice there is a "format" field floating in the infobox code that's not really serving a purpose. The album infobox does not support this field.  Done Strange, it seems to have been removed from the template. Thanks for pointing that out.
  • It's not really necessary to mention what type of release Transistor Revolt is in the "last album" field.  Done

Style and composition

  • Use the {{sic}} template in the quote.  Done
  • "In The Age interview" should be "In an interview with The Age". And The Age should also be linked. I'm referencing a previously stated interview though, so it'll be a redundant antecedent if I change it.

Release and reception

  • A sentence from this section reads, "The CD version is currently out of print." However, their album is still available from Fat Wreck.[1] Should this maybe read: "The original pressing from 2001 went out of print, but was later reissued through Fat Wreck Chords in 2005." Or something along those lines. The way it currently reads makes it seem like it's impossible to get a copy of The Unraveling on CD, when I think you were trying to say only the original pressing. I was a little confused when I read this.  Done
  • The ratings template should be placed at the top of the critical reception section.  Done

2005 reissue

  • A sentence from this section reads, "Critics of the first album praised the updated sound quality." I found this a little confusing as well, as The Unraveling is indeed the band's first album. I think you mean to say the original pressing of the album.  Done Good call.
  • Online retailers fail WP:RS, you should use their respective allmusic entries[2][3] instead for the compilation sources.  Done Thrice for a good call.

Track listing

  • Writing credits need a source.  Done
  • Remove the "Tracks" header. It seems really random. Meh, that's how the template is. If it's a problem in Good Article review, I'll definitely change it.
    • Actually, what I am talking about isn't part of the template. Unlike how "Bonus tracks on the 2005 reissue" is taking advantage of the 'headline' field, "Tracks" is floating outside of the template.  Done OH! Again, went completely over my head. Thanks.
  • The floating sentence at the end of the section seems random as well. Maybe move it to the "2005 reissue" section?  Done Thought about that for a while but wasn't quite sure how to fix it. I'll do that.

Personnel

  • Personnel section needs a source. There is no official documentation on personnel sections requiring sources, but newer articles seem to be adding a brief statement where the information was found with a citation. See My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy#Personnel. It never hurts to add a source!  Done Like you said, it doesn't hurt.
  • Needs consistent use of the en dash. It's currently only used in the Rise Against subsection.  Done Completely went over my head.
  • It's a little overlinked. Remove wikilinks for backing vocals by Russ Rankin, guitar by Todd Mohney, and mixing and mastering for Bill Stevenson.  Done I'll leave the one on Bill Stevenson though, since he is a rather big name.
    • I should have been more specific on this one. Because this section is dedicated to the personnel, each person should be wikiliked. I was saying that their roles on this album should not be. So Russ Rankin should be linked, but his backing vocals role should not be because it's linked previously in the same section for Joe Principe. Does that make better sense?  Done Ahh, got it. Thanks again.
  • Lowercase 'm' in "Additional musicians"  Done
  • Is "credited 'Philip Hill'" really worth mentioning? Seems just like a minor typo me.  Done *shrug* I guess you're right.

References

  • Publications should be linked, and authors should be added where applicable.

All in all, it seems well on it's way to reaching GA status. If you were looking to expand the article at all, I would recommend writing a section on recording and production. This is a pretty common section in most album articles, and I know The Blasting Room is pretty legendary in the punk rock world. Maybe if you do some good digging you can find something on this ;) Thanks! I didn't think of that. I tried to find some stuff directly relating to the album, but I didn't think to check out The Blasting Room itself. Fezmar9 (talk) 01:42, 23 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

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