Wikipedia:Peer review/Thom Yorke/archive1

Thom Yorke

I've been picking away at this article for a while now. I think it's much improved since I started, but I don't think it's ready for a GA nomination and I'd like to get another pair of eyes on it to see what can be improved, particularly the "Musical approach" section. Thanks! Popcornduff (talk) 17:30, 20 July 2015 (UTC)

Comments from Calvin999

• There are some dead links
• For genres, instruments, assoc. acts, labels etc, you can use a hlist so it bullet points them and makes them clear. See "Man Down" info box for an example.
• Associated acts generally are only included if there are three or more notable instances/songs/recordings/collaborations where Yorke has worked with someone. Not just once or twice.
• best known as the singer and principal songwriter of the alternative rock band Radiohead. He is known → Repetition of known
• is an English musician best known as the singer and principal songwriter of the alternative rock band Radiohead. → is an English musician. He is the lead singer and principal songwriter of the alternative rock band, Radiohead. (link alternative rock too)
• He is known for his falsetto vocals. As a multi-instrumentalist, Yorke mainly plays guitar and piano, but also plays synthesiser, bass guitar and drums. → He is known for his use of falsetto, and is a multi-instrumentalist. While he predominantly plays guitar and piano, he also plays the synthesiser, bass guitar and the drums.
• with schoolmates. → with his schoolmates.
• After he finished his degree at the → After graduating from the
• The 2000 Radiohead → Which album was this? First, second, third?
• saw Yorke move → It's not just him if he is part of a band
• In 2009, to perform the album live, he formed Atoms for Peace with musicians including Flea and longtime producer Nigel Godrich → This reads awkwardly, especially the second clause
• the band released an original album, → So was their previous material covers and not original work?
• he creates artwork for Radiohead's albums. → he creates the the bands album artworks.
• Use of one line paragraphs/sentences should be kept to a bare minimum per criteria. There are a few instances of this, as well as two line paragraphs. I personally think it makes the article look messy and unfinished; a paragraph should ideally be 4 to 5 sentences.
• Yorke has been critical of the music industry, → Why?
• and with Radiohead and his solo work has pioneered alternative music → Should be a new sentence.
• wear a patch over his eye. → You don't need to say "over his eye" because a patch already indicates that.
• Yorke's family moved frequently. Yorke's → Repetition of Yorke successively.
• after his son's birth; → after his birth;
• Yorke was seven. Yorke moved → Repetition of Yorke close together again
• The whole Early life section sys Yorke a lot to be honest. I know it's his name but you can use 'he', 'the singer' etc.
• worked a few jobs → worked at various jobs
• worldwide hit single → the article for Creep doesn't have any chart positions. What made it a hit exactly?
• By the time of Radiohead's second album, → By the release of their second album
• but Yorke was ambivalent about this success → Need context
• Ref 1: The Guardian, not guardian.co.uk
• Ref 5: link The Observer
• Ref 11: link The New Yorker
• Ref 18: Problem with the formatting, red link.
• 26 and 27 are missing publishers and dates.
• Same with 84
• Ref 113 Don't WP:SHOUT
• There's inconsistency with the date formatting throughout the references.

Hope this helps. I think it needs quite a lot of work. I don't think it would pass a GAN right now. Ping me if you need more help or have questions.  — Calvin999 15:50, 28 August 2015 (UTC)

Thanks so much. Yeah, I don't think it's ready for GA either - I've yet to really undertake that particular mission, but wanted some more feedback first. All your points are appreciated. Popcornduff (talk) 01:47, 29 August 2015 (UTC)