Wikipedia:Peer review/Triangle (The X-Files)/archive1

Triangle (The X-Files)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'm hoping to get it up to Featured Article status within the year (optimistically). Please feel free to point out any areas that need work, tweaks, or adjustment. It already has passed GA and has undergone a copy-edit.

Thanks, Gen. Quon (talk) 03:05, 6 June 2012 (UTC)

Comments from Figureskatingfan

Hi, I'm reviewing this article. It's a good read and lots of fun with very few glaring issues. I think it's very close to being at the point of submitting to FAC. It's nice to see X-Files articles getting to this high quality. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 20:35, 22 June 2012 (UTC)

• Mulder is a believer in the paranormal, while the skeptical Scully has been assigned to debunk his work. As a viewer, I understand that this is a synopsis that establishes the show's premise, but it reads like this is Scully's role throughout the series. By season 6, hasn't she become less of a skeptic? Perhaps you can add that she was initially hired to debunk Mulder's work. If this is too picky, please disregard.

• Fox Mulder (David Duchovny) is found nearly drowned at sea, having been shipwrecked. Is it clear that Mulder's been shipwrecked? I'm not sure what that means, anyway. It's been a while since I've seen the episode, but I recall that we see him floating facedown in the ocean, and then he's taken aboard by the Queen Anne. The first phrase may be enough to clearly convey what you want.

• At that moment, the Queen Anne is commandeered by SS troops commanded by a figure reminiscent of the The Smoking Man (William B. Davis)... "Commandeered" and "commanded" are too similar. I suggest changing the second word to vary the phrase a bit.

• Once there, Mulder is ordered to identify the scientist, otherwise the Nazis will begin shooting passengers. These are two independent clauses; therefore, you should put a semi-colon in front of "otherwise".

• Mulder subsequently wakes up in 1988 in a hospital, surrounded by Scully, the Lone Gunmen and Skinner, having been found floating among wreckage. It's unclear exactly who was found floating. You could say, "Mulder subsequently wakes up in 1988 in a hospital after being rescued..."

• During filming of "The Red and the Black," Carter used more film than any other director except for Kim Manners. It's clearer to say, "...than any other director but Kim Manners".

• The scenes on board the Queen Anne were filmed aboard the famous passenger liner the RMS Queen Mary, which is currently used as a hotel. You mix your tenses here. Actually, you do this often throughout this article; instead of pointing out every instance from here on, I'll let you go through it and correct them yourself.

• The X-Files staff spent a total of eleven days filming on the Queen Mary, and found it necessary to erect wrap-around scaffolding on the bridge... "Found it necessary" uses too many words. It's better to say "and had to..."

• During the scenes on the bridge, large sprinkler systems provided a constant supply of fake rain. "Fake rain"? I think you want to say that they had to make it look like it was raining, so they used sprinklers.

• She later likened the episode to live theater, which she had worked before she was cast as Scully. If you're going to use the word "which" you have to say, "...which she had worked in..." You may want to change "which" to "where". And how about changing "likened" to "compared"?

• In order to bring naturalness to the set, several British and German actors were used to portray the British sailors and Nazi soldiers respectively. I don't think I like the word "naturalness". How about "In order to make the episode more authentic..." And I don't like "were used". Keep the wording simple: "...several British and German actors portrayed..." And you don't need the word "respectively"; I think it's obvious that the Brits played the sailors and the Germans played the Nazis.

• William B. Davis' dialogue was entirely in German, a language he does not readily speak. Here's another tense mixing problem. It's unclear if Davis spoke German or not. If he didn't, say that: "...which he did not speak". If he knew it but not fluently, say: "...which he spoke, but not fluently enough for the episode".

• The tagline at the end of the opening credits of the episode was changed to "Die Wahrheit ist Irgendwo Da Draußen," which translates as "The Truth is Out There. How about: "The tagline that usually appeared at the end of the opening credits of the episode, "The Truth is Out There", was translated into German:..." Personal note: When I saw the episode, I thought the German translation was so cool, I showed the credits to my husband, who knows a little German, and made him translate it, even though he hated the show. ;)

• For instance, during the scene wherein Scully runs into an elevator... Instead of using "wherein", how about "in which"? There are a few more times you use that offensive word (I must not like it, eh?); I recommend replacing them in this way each time.

• The X-Files composer Mark Snow listened to big band albums, such as records by... "Albums" and "records" are redundant. How about: "The X-Files composer Mark Snow listened to big band albums recorded by artists like..."

• The final scene, which features Mulder in bed telling his friends and co-workers that he saw them in his reverie, bears a striking resemblance to the closing scene from the 1939 movie...Furthermore, during this scene, when Mulder mentions that Skinner was with him in 1939, Skinner replies, "with my dog Toto" and Scully tells him "there's no place like home". The episode takes place in 1939, the year The Wizard of Oz was released. You mention the movie coming out in 1939 twice, so it's redundant. I would remove the first reference and say, "...to the closing scene from the move". If you do that, how about combining the last two sentences: "Furthermore, during this scene, when Mulder mentions that Skinner was with him in 1939, also the year in which The Wizard of Oz was released, Skinner replies, "with my dog Toto" and Scully tells him "there's no place like home".

• Personal question that came up for me as I read the "Themes" section, which may be unanswerable: Did any of the critics parallel the fact that in the book Wizard of Oz, it wasn't a dream for Dorothy? Wizard critics have said that's why it probably wasn't a dream for her in the movie. My own personal conjecture is that it's why it probably wasn't a dream for Mulder, either. Did anyone talk about that?

• I'm not sure what I think about including the critics' Wizard of Oz song. It's a cute anecdote, but borders on being fannish. I'm not sure if the FAC reviewers would like it. Maybe you can say that they made up the song and then put it in a note.

• I'm also not sure about the "Retrospect" section title. I recommend changing it to "Later reception", unless it's an established practice to use it. I also added some italics to some of the titles; please make sure I did it correctly. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 22:12, 22 June 2012 (UTC)

• References: Look good, from a cursory look. I looked specifically for close paraphrasing, and with a sampling, found nothing glaring. (I've found that if one source is paraphrased too closely, it's a problem throughout the article.) I could go through each ref if you'd like, but it doesn't seem necessary to me. Many of the refs in this article are from inaccessible sources, so I won't be able to check all of them, but I think that any reviewer would assume good faith and accept them.

Nice job! Forgive my picky-ness, but I've found it's a good sign when the reviewer is picky. It means that it's really close to where you want it. I suggest that after you work on the above issues, that you submit it for another PR before you submit it for FAC. Good luck! Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 22:48, 22 June 2012 (UTC)

Thank you for the peer-review. I made the changes you suggested and I feel the episode is looking better already. I'll try to weed out the mixed tenses. Sometimes I do find it difficult, such as the first lines: "Mulder is a believer in the paranormal, and the skeptical Scully has been assigned to debunk his work." Mulder still is a believer, but Scully has changed. She was initially assigned, but is now more of a believer. Anyway, thanks!--Gen. Quon (Talk) 21:44, 23 June 2012 (UTC)