Wikipedia:Peer review/True Detective (season 1)/archive1

True Detective (season 1)

I and a few other editors have spent a lot of time polishing this article and a few days ago, it passed its GA review. I would love to bring this to FA status and eventually I hope to do so within the near future. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks, DAP388 (talk) 00:34, 15 August 2015 (UTC)

• One dab link

Seems someone has already addressed this.

• One dead link

 Done

• began airing on → premiered on

 Done

• cast consists of → Shouldn't this be past tense?

 Done

• season has eight → Same here. To me it reads more like it should be 'season had eight' because it's been and gone

 Done

• the perpetrator of which remains at large. → both the murder and other crimes committed by this one perpetrator?

Correct.

• You start two sentences in this para with 'The season's' and use it again in the final sentence

 Done

• subject of analysis. → Just general analysis or a lot of analysis which is notable?

I'm not sure what is being asked here.

• over 100 consecutive days. → over a three month period

 Done

• It was a candidate for → It was shortlisted for (not a candidate for a job interview)

Candidate is correct in this context, per the last of its three definitions.

• I think it's odd that you list the awards it received the nominations for, but not specifying the ones it actually did win.

I mentioned the Emmy/Golden Globe nominations because they are regarded as the most prestigious awards in television.

• From episode 2 onwards, as all were directed by Cary Joji Fukunaga, you could just use his surname instead of repeating it in full overtime

I think that's just basic convention for this type of article, even the FA ones do this.

• Original air date, do you need to say 2014 every time when they were only aired in 2014 for the first time?

Yes, again it's basic convention.

• No. in series and No. in season show the same thing. Not sure what they are meant to be representing?

It's arranged chronologically. So given that it's the first season, yes these numbers will be the same.

• detectives Martin Hart (Woody Harrelson) and Rustin Cohle (Matthew McConaughey) → You list them the other way round in the lead

What is the significance? I can change it, but it just seems pretty minor compared to other concerns.

• The lead also says Rustin "Rust" Cohle, not just Rustin Cohle, and is linked. But here omits the nickname and the linking

 Done

• of a young prostitute, → I don't think you need 'young' here, as you follow it with her age

 Done

• So from the table of episodes, does the series use flashback? Because if it does, then that needs to be mentioned in the lead.

 Done

• as a literature professor → as a professor of literature

A bit verbose, no?

• and the University of Chicago. → and at the University of Chicago.

What's wrong with the former? Latter seems a bit awkward when put together with the rest of the sentence.

• the progam's lead → I think 'the program's' is not needed here

 Done

• appointed the production → appointed as the production

 Done

• The Award column of the table needs to be marked up for access, i.e. this columns needs to be the darker shade of grey. Look on "Only Girl (In the World)"
• The series became HBO's most-watched new series, with a gross audience viewership of 11.9 million viewers per episode.[86] → Why is this figure so much higher than the others? Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't get it.
• Ref 1 TV by the Numbers needs linking

 Done

• Refs 15, 28, 35, 39, 40 and 54 have double quotes "" in their titles. Use ' instead for titles.

 Done

Overall it's a well written and article :). Ping me with any questions or comment you have.  — Calvin999 18:02, 29 August 2015 (UTC)

Comments from RO

Lead

• It's strange to give the airing time priority over the story. The first line of the lead should be more about the content of the show, not it's air time.

Basic convention for this type of article. The templates I used for this page, Parks and Recreation (season 1) and Smallville (season 1), are featured articles and even they were structured in a similar way.

• The season's story focuses

Casual readers won't know that each season has a stoyline, so just state "The season focuses".

 Done

Conception

• preparing to write for television; his earlier attempts were unsuccessful because of a lack of money.[10]

Why does a writer need money to write? Explain this better.

Pizzolatto doesn't go into depth about what he needed said money for. He just said the idea was never realized early on because he didn't have the resources. Perhaps I could rephrase it but I don't really know how to clarify if much more than that.

• Pizzolatto did not hire a writing staff at this point because he believed such an approach would not yield the desired result

It would be better to explain why here, else why mention it?

 Done

Casting and crew

• McConaughey offered "a really compelling argument" for portraying Cohle

This should be paraphrased to avoid the direct quote.

 Done

• Meanwhile, Harrelson was attached to the role of Hart at McConaughey's request

For one, drop "meanwhile", as a little too story-teller-esque, and "attached" is an odd choice here.

 Done

• already had a working relationship with HBO

I'm not sure what this means, as he wasn't really an HBO employee.

Rephrased.

• Michelle Monaghan was awarded the season's female lead

"awarded" is almost as odd as "attached".

 Done

• Cary Joji Fukunaga, who Pizzolatto knew from Anonymous Content, was chosen as director of the season over Alejandro González Iñárritu, who had other film commitments and was forced to pull out of the project.[24][25]

This is confusing because you first say Fukunga was chosen then that Iñárritu was forced to pull out. It was probably the other way around, not?

Rephrased.

• In preparation for his role, Fukunaga conducted research with a homicide detective

The actors have "roles", the director does not.

Would "services" or "duties" be better in this instance? Or just erase that part altogether?

Filming

• Fukunaga took cues from David Lynch's Twin Peaks for a sense of direction once production began;

This has little meaning without context, as some readers will not immediately make the connection (Twin Peaks aired many, many years ago).

I tried to clarify the statement a bit.

Opening sequence

• southern Louisiana's desolate landscape

I don't think desolate when I think of southern Louisiana, the area is teeming with life. I think "remote" might be better.

 Done

• However, by the time production began animating

Avoid "however" in formal writing.

 Done

Music

• The season uses gospel and blues songs

The season can't use gospel and blues, as it's inanimate.

 Done

Themes and influences

• I'm surprised to not see some explanation of the Lynch influence here.

The Gothamist ran a piece on this, but not much else as far as I can see. Most articles dissecting Lynch's influence on the series pertains to season 2. I'll see what else I can find.

Reviews

• You did a real nice job with this section; it's very balanced and on point.

Thank you!

Conclusion

This is a real nice piece that is pretty tight overall. Some minor things stand out, but nothing that's not easily fixed. I'd take another look at the lead, which is focused too much on trivia and not enough on the story, which is what makes this show so good. I'm not sure the masculinity theme is explained all that well, though, because it sounds like a discussion of general misogyny, not masculinity itself, which is not inherently ant-female. Maybe that's a nitpick, but that part fell a little flat for me. Nicely done; keep up the great work! RO^(talk) 18:29, 29 August 2015 (UTC)

I polished the lead a little bit more and added more content relating to the plot, I hope it's enough. I'll probably also take a look at the themes section and make a few edits there. Apologize for not responding as swiftly as possible, real life got in the way of things. Many thanks @Rationalobserver: and @Calvin999: for taking the time to review this article. Appreciate it very much! Cheers :), DAP388 (talk) 18:12, 7 September 2015 (UTC)