Wikipedia:Peer review/War of the Worlds (2005 film)/archive1

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War of the Worlds (2005 film)[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I improved the article till 54 kilobytes. I listed the Production, Cast, Plot, Performances of the film. My edits weren't actually did in this article, but here, —User:World Cinema Writer/W. Before nominating for WP:GA, I want to make sure the article is fine, which is also the main purpose of this WP:Peer review nomination.

Thanks, World Cinema Writer (talk • contributions) 09:19, 5 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

P.S.; I certainly used Rob-B-Hood, Alien vs. Predator (film) and Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Crystal Skull as my guide to write the article. To be honest, World Cinema Writer (talk • contributions) 09:22, 5 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comment: Just for starters, if you click on the disambiguation tool in the toolbox next to this review, you'll see that it finds 26 links in the article that go to disambiguation pages instead of their intended targets. Finetooth (talk) 20:20, 13 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

More Finetooth comments: This is interesting and seems comprehensive or nearly so. However, it badly needs copyediting. Here are a few suggestions for improvement.

Lead

  • "Due to responsibilities, Ray protects his children and attempts a journey to Boston to meet with Ray's wife." - Shorten to "Ray protects his children and tries to go to Boston to rejoin his wife"?
  • I see a couple of comma-spliced pairs of sentences in the lead. Here's one pair: "Cruise admired Spielberg and planned to collaborate with Spielberg again, Cruise visited Spielberg during the filming of Catch Me If You Can. " The comma should be a terminal period.
  • Dates like 29 June shouldn't be wikilinked.
  • There's no need to wikilink the $ sign or to put US in front of the $ sign except, if you like, on the first instance.
  • "Cruise and Spielberg chose to develop The War of the Worlds into a film adaptation." - Movie titles should be in italics here and throughout the article.

Development

  • I'd suggest moving the text box down and to the right to avoid squeezing the text so much.
  • "Steven Spielberg and Tom Cruise collaborated together for the first time in 2002's Minority Report." - Tighten by deleting "together"?
  • "Minority Report generally received positive reviews and gross approximately US$358 million at box office." - "Grossed" rather than "gross"?
  • "Since then, Cruise admired to collaborate along with Spielberg, either Spielberg does likes to collaborate with Cruise." - This sentence makes no sense. - Suggestion: "Since then, the two men have enjoyed working together."
  • "Spielberg stated that he just thought it would be fun to make a really scary film with really scary aliens, which I had never done before." - Who does "I" refer to?
  • "Numerous scripts were written for the film. Josh Friedman and David Koepp wrote the final script for the film, which Spielberg accepted it." - Delete "it"?
  • "The script was focusing on one family only, the Ferriers. Spielberg accepted the script after finding it has similarities with his personal life." - "Had" instead of "has"?
  • "Several similarities includes the divorce of his parents (Ray and Mary Ann's divorce) and other reasons by Spielberg was because the survival of the survivors reflects his own uncertainty after the devastation of the terror attacks of September 11 attacks." - Grammar. I'll stop the line-by-line critique at this point, but it's clear that the whole article needs copyediting. You might be able to find a copyeditor via the list at WP:PRV#General copyediting.

Cast and characters

  • I'd suggest eliminating all the bolding in this section, including the double bolding on the linked words. The only exception would be the head, which is automatically bolded. MOS:BOLD has details.

"General

  • I see quite a bit of overlinking. For example, it's not necessary to link Tom Cruise and Steven Spielberg so many times or to link such common words as "blood" and "survival". WP:OVERLINK has details.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. Finetooth (talk) 22:38, 13 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Done doing everything. Thanks for the comments. World Cinema Writer (talk • contributions) 08:09, 20 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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