Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 December 18

Back to main feedback page

Index of all pages

User:Tkotc/ArticleStarts

This is another very short article I wrote pursuant to the Wikipedia project to provide an article covering each of the authors whose works appear on Project Gutenberg -- on Scottish librarian and author Ernest Albert Savage . See Wikipedia:Project Gutenberg author list if you think helping with this project would interest you. I have a long list of works and a short list of facts, but I think I have something useful for readers who encounter his work on PG and want to know who he was before reading his book. Comments welcome.

Tkotc (talk) 03:29, 18 December 2010 (UTC)

It seems well referenced and written. Well done! Chevymontecarlo 12:46, 18 December 2010 (UTC)

Thank you! I very much appreciate you taking the time to look at it.Tkotc (talk) 20:06, 18 December 2010 (UTC)

No problem :) Chevymontecarlo 06:52, 19 December 2010 (UTC)

Perplex Dimensions

Can check my article about this videogame in development? thanks

Alieneks (talk) 04:07, 18 December 2010 (UTC)

It's a nice start, but I do perhaps think there are some notability issues regarding the article's subject. Chevymontecarlo 12:53, 18 December 2010 (UTC)

Darkleaf Entertainment

Cna check this article of this indie videogame developer studio? thnaks

Alieneks (talk) 04:10, 18 December 2010 (UTC)

Like with your other article, I think notability is the main issue, but from a formatting/layout perspective, I think it's great. Chevymontecarlo 12:55, 18 December 2010 (UTC)

Elizabeth Cobb Middle School

I made this article by modifying the skeleton of another school article, so I would like some feedback on whether it is formatted and written correctly. Thanks,

Krashlandon ^(talk) 04:54, 18 December 2010 (UTC)

Be careful with the article's tone and neutrality, as I think some parts of the article just sound like a prospectus or 'advertisement' for the school. Chevymontecarlo 12:56, 18 December 2010 (UTC)

Thanks. I changed the tone to sound more neutral. Could you tell me how it looks now? Feel free to change anything you think I missed. Krashlandon ^(talk) 16:29, 18 December 2010 (UTC)

Nice job! I think it sounds better now. Try and add more references from third-party sources if you can though, not just from the school's site. Chevymontecarlo 06:51, 19 December 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for your help! Krashlandon ^(talk) 14:25, 19 December 2010 (UTC)

USS_General_Harry_Taylor_(AP-145)

I sailed on the General Harry Taylor as a boy from Naples to Sydney (Australia) and have certificates showing the ship crossing the equator on 8th July 1949. Can anyone corroborate this? The ship was taking mainly Baltic refugees for re-settlement in Australia.

Auzinsa (talk) 05:12, 18 December 2010 (UTC)

Bachata_Culture

I just published my first Wikipedia article - Bachata Culture. I'm soliciting general feedback.

WikiSolitaire (talk) 05:34, 18 December 2010 (UTC)

I gave some feedback on the article talkpage. There are very serious problems with the article and especially the copy/pasted text must be fixed immediately. Yoenit (talk) 13:31, 18 December 2010 (UTC)

Thanthondreeswarar_Temple_(Belur,_Salem)

Dear Mates,

Here Iam presenting my first article. The content in this artical strictly follows the rules of Wiki. Please review the articel and pour in your feedback..

Regards

Persica82 (talk) 07:20, 18 December 2010 (UTC)

You need to go through your article and provide inline citations to show where the information came from. See, Wikipedia:Citing_sources. Your statement "This has been mentioned in the book 'The History Of Salem District Manual' by Lee Fanu" shows a book that could be one such source. You need to document it as such in a standard way. Please do look at Wikipedia:Citation templates for templates that will allow you to gather the necessary information about your sources so you can use them inline in a standard way.

Terminology like "brilliant example" is likely to be criticized as a "peacock term". See, Wikipedia:Peacock#Puffery. You should review your article for this issue. The name of your article, while undoubtedly accurate, seems rather long. I would have thought that only the name of the temple would suffice, and that any confusion over which temple it is arising from its location would be dealt with on a disambiguation page. Have you reviewed Wikipedia's guidelines on article naming? This is not to say you are wrong. Just a caution. There are a lot of terms in your article that I think should be defined or explained. E.g. "The Rajagopuram is about 97 feet tall having 7 stages. Kumbabishekam was performed on..."

I can see that you've put a lot of work into your article, and I hope others will provide feedback as well.

Tkotc (talk) 20:40, 18 December 2010 (UTC)

The Room (video game)

Hello, I recently joined Wikipedia two or three months ago (give or take), and I have worked hours to make this article to where it is as of today. I was wondering if it could be improved more and I would really love your feedback! Thanks ;)! SixthAtom (talk) 23:17, 18 December 2010 (UTC)

I can't see any immediate problems as to tone or references; those are the main things that are usually wrong or need improvement with new articles. However, looking at your article I can't see any major problems; it seems notable enough and the article's layout and formatting is perfect. Chevymontecarlo 06:54, 19 December 2010 (UTC)

Thanks! I was considering to nominate this for good article status (although it might seem a bit early). However there must be some problems with it before I start jumping straight to the GA process. Again, thanks for your comment, it is really going to brighten my day here ;). SixthAtom (talk) 15:45, 19 December 2010 (UTC)

User:Cyberguy7/CyberArts_International

Hello, I believe this article to be an important addition to wikipedia's historical record, however since it is my first contribution, I anted to ask someone with more experience to look at it before I put in the links to all of my references and sources, mostly included in the article text.

Thanks for your time.

Cyberguy7 (talk) 23:33, 18 December 2010 (UTC)

I think the article sounds like a bit of an essay, to be honest. I think there are also some problems with the tone and point of view that the article is written from. Chevymontecarlo 06:56, 19 December 2010 (UTC)

User:Ben_Slotznick/Enter_your_new_article_name_here

This is my first article. It is about the Assistive Technology Industry Association (ATIA). I have a conflict of interest, being a member, but I believe I’ve kept a neutral tone and added appropriate references, though I haven’t put them in-line. I’d appreciate any comments or guidance or need for re-writes. Thanks.

Ben Slotznick (talk) 03:12, 19 December 2010 (UTC)

It's best to use inline citations to display your references; the inline citations are supposed to go actually in the article next to the statement you want to verify, rather than all in the references section. Chevymontecarlo 07:01, 19 December 2010 (UTC)