Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 September 27

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Starbase Indy

Wanted to see if this meets sourcing requirements and avoids copyright problems, as I noted a previous entry with this title, written by another person, had been deleted for copyright problems.Janeway1701 (talk) 05:04, 27 September 2010 (UTC)

It has no Inline citations. The first three sources are primary sources. The NUVO and Report-time sources are 404 errors and the last source contains only passing mentions. Unfortunately this draft wouldn't survive in article name-space, because of lack of third-party reliable sources. Armbrust ^Talk _Contribs 19:31, 27 September 2010 (UTC)

Emily's Army

The most reliable source is their myspace page myspace.com/emilysarmyl0l so if you have to ask them if the information is correct, you can send them a message. you might contact them thru 924gilman.org and calling 510-525-9926. well i dont know if they could contact you with them, but possibly. Probably the best way is to ask them if the information is correct is thru their myspace, thanxxx!!! NatalieLOVESgreenday (talk) 05:36, 27 September 2010 (UTC)

The single biggest issue with the article User:NatalieLOVESgreenday/Emily'sArmy is that of notability. See WP:Notability (music)‎. Secondly you have failed to provide reliable sources. See WP:Reliable sources. I am afraid that if you try to move the article into the mainspace as it now stands, it is likely to be deleted.--Ykraps (talk) 07:46, 27 September 2010 (UTC)

Justdial

Justdial is a very significant resource that is used by millions of people and has been around for 15+ years. I have began this article in the hope that other regular users may be able to add more content to it. I am in no way affiliated with this service but I would like for others to be able to know more about it since it can be of great help to any person who is new in an unknown location.

Pal4life (talk) 07:47, 27 September 2010 (UTC)

Deleted as advert. See WP:FIRST.  Chzz  ►  23:26, 27 September 2010 (UTC)

Air Force Network (AFNET)

Air Force Network (AFNet) is a Indian Air Force (IAF) owned, operated and managed modern, state-of-the-art, fully secure and reliable network and gigabyte digital information grid. The AFNet replaces the Indian Air Force's (IAF) old communication network set-up using the tropo-scatter technology of the 1950s making it a true net-centric combat force. The IAF project is part of the overall mission to network all three services, that is The Indian Army, The Indian Navy and The Indian Air Force. Defence Minister of Inida Shri AK Antony inaugurated the IAF's the AFNET on 14th September 2010 dedicating it to the people of India, for their direct or indirect participation in the communication revolution. Urvidinesh (talk) 11:10, 27 September 2010 (UTC)

Lots of it is not neutral, and it has many claims based on PR information, e.g. "modern, state-of-the-art, fully secure and reliable network" etc.

It says "IAF" has "stringent quality of service enforcement will facilitate robust, high quality voice, video and conferencing solutions" - according to...IAF. This is advert-like / spammy.

It needs to be severely edited, to be presented in Encyclopaedic language - stick to facts, not opinions; any claims need independent reliable source. Be very careful of conflict of interest issues.  Chzz  ►  23:29, 27 September 2010 (UTC)

User:Mkm354/DentsuAmerica

Mkm354 (talk) 12:46, 27 September 2010 (UTC)

I removed some inappropriate external links - see WP:EL - and some unreferenced facts - WP:V. See [1] - reinstate the facts if you can provide reliable sources to verify, otherwise, leave them out.

I'll also add details to the references.

Apart from that, it looks acceptable, if you wish to move it to a live article.  Chzz  ►  23:36, 27 September 2010 (UTC)

ArtActors

Axems (talk) 13:36, 27 September 2010 (UTC)

It was deleted before I saw this request; "19:08, 27 September 2010 Speedy deleted per CSD A7, was an article about a club that didn't assert the importance or significance of the subject."

See WP:FIRST.  Chzz  ►  23:32, 27 September 2010 (UTC)

ICAT Software

Hi, Just would like the article reviewed and edited for wikipedia standards. This will give me an idea for to write future articles as well. Thanks a bunch for your support.

Mikejohnson22 (talk) 13:45, 27 September 2010 (UTC)

I think the article's Tone and language style is too promotional for Wikipedia. Articles on Wikipedia are supposed to be neutral in tone and not sound like advertisements. Please try and rewrite the article, or at least make some improvements, to the article's tone to make it sound less like just an advert. Here are some phrases that I think you maybe need to take a look at and perhaps make more neutral, if that's okay:

• 'Utilizing Ricoh’s patented memo field technology, iCAT was able to work exclusively'
• 'iCAT’s intuitive software will wirelessly sync all photos with the correct content item at the press of a button.'
• 'Moreover, Assured introduced in 1997 is the only competition in the industry with 4 different products to restoration industry.'

As well as this, the article is a bit thin on the ground in terms of references. Please try and add more reliable, third-party references/sources to the article, in addition to the references you already have. Good luck! Chevymontecarlo 18:23, 27 September 2010 (UTC)

Futuremoon/Bhavishya Chandra Kamineni

Please review my article on Bhavishya Chandra Kamineni, who is the youngest to be cerified in CCC course conducted by DOEACC society.

Futuremoon (talk) 13:46, 27 September 2010 (UTC)

You only need to make one request per article, unless you've made some changes since. We are all real people volunteering on Wikipedia, so please be patient! Thanks. Chevymontecarlo 18:19, 27 September 2010 (UTC)

Bhavishya Chandra Kamineni

Please review article on 'Bhavishya Chandra Kamineni' who is very youngest computer professional.

Futuremoon (talk) 13:48, 27 September 2010 (UTC)

Many of the claims in the article are not appropriately referenced; the article in "The Hindu" does not actually state he is definitely the youngest.

I have removed some unreferenced claims, e.g. the "Extracurricular achievements", for which I doubt there is an appropriate reliable source.

"Meetings and seminars" and "Awards and recognition" also need references, or need removing. See WP:V.  Chzz  ►  23:48, 27 September 2010 (UTC)

"Awards and recognition" certainly needs reducing in size and referencing. Only notable awards and achievements should be included - at the moment, the section reads like a CV or a job application. Karenjc 17:45, 1 October 2010 (UTC)

User:Amhamh/Inversions

Amhamh (talk) 16:35, 27 September 2010 (UTC)

I think instead of listing all the chapters and sections of the book you should write a brief summary of it instead, as in it's current state the reader doesn't really get an accurate idea of what the book is from reading the article. Also, you need to try and add more reliable references and sources to your article to prove its Notability, as one Amazon reference isn't really that accurate on its own. You've done a good job so far, but it just needs a bit of tweaking and other minor improvements to get it spot on, or at least suitable for Wikipedia. I hope my feedback is useful, and please contact me on my talk page if you have any questions. Thanks! Chevymontecarlo 18:17, 27 September 2010 (UTC)

Mk. 7 Helmet

Please review.. Any help to fulfill the arcticle would be appreciated!!

Lapsi SPB (talk) 17:33, 27 September 2010 (UTC)

I'm slightly concerned about the notability of the article's subject. Please try and add reliable sources/references to the article to prove it's notability. If you need any help with this, please send me a message. Also, try and add some links to other Wikipedia articles, like this, for example:

[[Loughborough]]

which creates a link to the Loughborough article. Links help readers out as they can visit the article for something else if they are unsure of a particular term or product that is mentioned in the article. I hope my suggestions are useful, and good luck with the article! If you have any questions, please send me a message. Thank you! Chevymontecarlo 18:13, 27 September 2010 (UTC)

User:Boldart/My First Affair (Lari White Album)

This is my first Wikipedia article and I would appreciate someone giving this a once-over before I place it live.

thanks, Jon

Boldart (talk) 19:08, 27 September 2010 (UTC)

It requires additional references to reliable sources (such as newspapers) to show it is notable - see WP:VRS. Apart from that, sure, it's fine. But articles really need a minimum of about 3 newspaper articles or something, about the topic, otherwise there is danger of deletion. WP:GNG.  Chzz  ►  23:55, 27 September 2010 (UTC)