Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2011 April 4

Back to main feedback page

Index of all pages

Evelyn Grubb

I have written a new article and am looking for suggestions and feedback.

Thanks in advance,

P.S. I forgot to log in (sorry) my username is telemachus.forward

50.16.18.34 (talk) 01:51, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

User:MangoTime/ANZAC Field of Remembrance

I'm not sure if I'm doing this right - but I'd like to request feedback for a new article. Thank you

MangoTime (talk) 05:32, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

Looks solid overall, has sourcing, etc. When you move it off your User page, you'll have to add categories so it can be properly organised. That aside, it looks ready to publish. MatthewVanitas (talk) 14:16, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

American-Soviet Peace Walks

I would appreciate feedback on the organization of the page, as well as content as brief summaries based on the listed sources.

Junior walker (talk) 06:19, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

Mark Featherstone-Witty

I'd like to get this page reviewed by someone at Wikipedia, so that the 'new unreviewed article' box is taken off the top of the page. Please could you look into this for me, and advise me of any amendments which need to be made to the page so it can be reviewed and official? Thanks.

MissCay (talk) 10:37, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

User:SB_Commercials/S&B_Commercials

I am new to Wikipedia so please bear with me. I am an IT engineer for the company in which I have written the article about. I just want to put our company on wikipedia but I do not want to breach anything as I am not trying to advertise our services, I only want the presence. So my question is - Is my article acceptable?

Many thanks in advance.

SB Commercials (talk) 11:01, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

Greetings, I took a look and made some minor tweaks, but the fundamental issue that I'm not seeing any notability there. Note that I mean that in the Wikipedia technical sense (not deriding the literal importance of your business), as shown in our policy guideline: WP:Notability. Fundamentally, the issue is "what is the historical/academic importance of this business, such as that people in the future will want to read about it?" If you're one outfit selling cars, out of thousands of others in England, and hundreds of thousands in the world, what's the unique factor that will make you worth reading about in the year 2050, 2100, etc? In order to demonstrate notability, you have to find neutral, third-party references discussing the long-term significance of this business, from reliable sources (see WP:RS). Not just passing mention in the local news ("XYZ business transfered ownership and now carries Acme products"), but third-party discussion of the significance. Nothing personal, but as the article currently stands I'm not seeing the importance of this one particular auto dealership over any other in the world. MatthewVanitas (talk) 19:35, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

Pieter Hugo

this is my first article on wikipedia. please check for any corrections and let me know. furthermore i would like to know how to add images to my article? thank you.

41.5.159.61 (talk) 12:13, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

The article is a bit heavy on direct quotes of opinions about his works, and rather light on basic facts about his life. It's fine to put in some direct quotes from reviews, subject experts, etc. but it's a bit much to base the article mostly on two long quotes. Can you try to trim the quotes down, but add a little more basic biographic data? Try looking at some long-running articles about photographers to get some ideas for good structure. For images, please read Wikipedia:Images to get the basic ideas of what can be uploaded and how, and be aware of the copyright issues addressed in the policy. MatthewVanitas (talk) 13:48, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

The Jungle Ultra Marathon

I would like honest feedback on our new page here please, it is our first foray in the world of Wiki. Many thanks for your time.

Worldwide Happy Media (talk) 12:59, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

User:Echsecutor/isotypic component

The articles I cite do not at all treat the term as their main subject, although the term is defined in both.

Echsecutor (talk) 14:26, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

References do not necessarily have to be exclusively or primarily about a topic, they simply need to address it in a notable way. Just a passing mention is not sufficient, but if, say, an article spends a paragraph explaining "isotypic components" in the context of a larger topic, that's certainly okay. MatthewVanitas (talk) 15:21, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

Mark Albion

Dear Wikipedia Community -

I look forward to your comments about the new article I wrote about Dr. Mark Albion.

Thanks in advance for your time and suggestions. Sincerely,

Mboutla (talk) 14:30, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

User:Krogers555/Douglas N. Graham

Thank you so much for taking the time to review my page. I really wish to abide by the scholarly standards set forth at Wikipedia. I look forward to learning from your experience.

Kevin

Krogers555 (talk) 15:53, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

Greetings, I've moved your Userspace article to an actual Userspace title, User:Krogers555/Douglas N. Graham. I also did some basic copyedit, etc. Please view the "History" tab of the article to see my changes outlined. Among the main issues to address: the article lacks a lede section (see WP:LEDE), and the footnotes are largely from primary sources, or, such as "Vibrance" are external links (just a link to the magazine) rather than footnotes (links to evidence proving assertions made in the article). I would recommend you try and track down a few more references from sources unaffiliated with Graham in order to demonstrate neutrality of sources. So, lede section and improve the refs, and you should be good to go. MatthewVanitas (talk) 16:56, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

Me-Iung Ting M.D.

Traveler11 (talk) 17:00, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

Greetings, I've done a basic copyedit and wikify. The main concern at this point is that you need to add categories (see:WP:Categories). On a side note, the "lede" (first paragraph, see WP:Lede) should summarise the high points of the article; my concern at this point is that the lede contains information that is not mentioned again below. Try to tweak the lede so that any important points are covered in-depth below, and that the lede only contains a very few points about the most fundamental facts of Ting's importance. Note also that it is fine (and necessary) to note that a person has a medical degree, people are not referred to as "Dr." throughout an article. MatthewVanitas (talk) 17:19, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

User:Kepardue/Alexandria and Western Railway

A new article to add more context to the list of defunct railroads in Louisiana. I'm still quite new to Wikipedia and would like some feedback on this before requesting that it be moved to live.

Kepardue (talk) 19:10, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

Looks good, as did your previous article. One thing to tweak: the link Gardner, Louisiana doesn't work. Advise you figure out what the article title for that city is and fix the link. I've made a few minor format changes, and added a colon to disarm your categories until the page goes live; just make sure to remove the colon in [[:Category after the page goes live, in order to activate the categorisation. Good work, look forward to seeing more from you. Do note too that, if you can find pre-1923 photographs, or otherwise Public Domain (such as from a US Federal source, not state), you can upload them to WikiCommons and make them part of the article. Ditto for maps, emblems, etc. Pre-1923 publication in the US automatically means out of copyright, but there are a variety of other legal exceptions if you find post-1923 images you want to add. Oh, also advise you add {{WikiProject Trains}} to these articles' Discussion pages, and {{WikiProject Louisiana}} or whatever other state. MatthewVanitas (talk) 19:17, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

To: MatthewVanitas Thanks so much for the feedback. Re: the link to Gardner, Louisiana, it doesn't appear that there is even so much as a stub for this town in Wikipedia. Most of these former railroad/saw mill towns in Louisiana are practically ghost towns these days, not surprised that it doesn't have a page. However, I did find that there's at least one other article that references it Eden (Gardner, Louisiana). As a matter of fact, there is a pre-1923 image that exists of one of the engines for the railway, but I didn't bring it up since it appears to have some copyright claim on it. If you could review here and advise, I'd appreciate it: [1].

I am not a lawyer, and you might want to check out the policy at Wikipedia:Image use policy for your reference, but to the best of my knowledge under US law people cannot copyright images published in the United States prior to 1923. As I understand it, if you can download that image and trim it to look good, there is no legal reason the poster can object. You do have to cite where you found it, and out of courtesy may want to include the data the page asks you add for attribution, but the image itself should be fully out of copyright, so if you can physically (electronically) snag a copy, it's fair game. If you upload it to WikiCommons, just be sure you carefully read the page and select the right options from the drop-down menus. It is extremely common that people forget to choose the Copyright status from the drop-down menus, and get upset when images are auto-deleted for failure to provide this info. But again, in this particular case you cite, I see no reason why this image cannot be cropped and uploaded to WikiCommons. MatthewVanitas (talk) 21:14, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

To: MatthewVanitas Once again, thank you for your feedback. I agree with your interpretation, and believe that we should be safe since I did give notice as requested by the DigitalCollections site: [2], and also selected that the image was published prior to 1923. With that, do you feel that this article is ready to be requested to move to live? Kepardue (talk) 21:43, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

Definitely, I think you have the process down. At this point, I'd suggest you build articles on your Userpage and then move them over as you see fit; I think you've moved beyond the Feedback stage. I do suggest you check in with WP:WikiProject Trains, though no idea how active they are currently. You might get some good technical colleague input there. Just check on your uploaded image on WikiCommons a few times this week in case anyone labels any concerns about the licensing; it's not really hard, just non-intuitive and often tough for noobs, but so long as you read it carefully and check the right boxes you're fine. Thanks again for covering this interesting niche topic. One thing, as you go to publish, consider submitting some of your articles for WP:DYK, Did You Know?. This is Wikipedia's front-page list of "trivia" each day, and it can be fun both because you can win awards for having a catchy "hook" that draws in viewers, plus it can really boost views to your page to be featured for the day on the front page. Just read up the DYK page and you can see it's pretty easy to apply for; you just have to pick some fact from your article (has to be brand-new) that is catchy to the average reader. MatthewVanitas (talk) 21:54, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

To: MatthewVanitas Excellent. I appreciate the hand holding. Wikipedia is just such a big thing, I don't want to screw anything up. I've moved both the Alexandria & Western Railway and Red River Railroad pages to live. Thanks again! Kepardue (talk) 22:03, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

User:CkiteY/The President's Daughter series

CkiteY (talk) 19:56, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

User:Sarankhel/Nikpikhel

I would like article to be approved.

Thank you

Sarankhel (talk) 21:58, 4 April 2011 (UTC)

I've done some basic wikify and copyedit. At this point, just a few thing:

• Who was "Malik Nikpikhel" ? You mention but do not explain him
• What is the publisher, publication date, and if possible ISBN serial number for the book you cite?
• If possible, rather than just cite the book at the end, it'd be better to add a footnote to each section, and footnote to the specific pages of the book you reference. (see: WP:Footnotes).
• The external link to Reference.com you cited is just a mirror (clone) from the Wikipedia page Yusufzai, so not worth linking to, so I've removed it.
• I added the category Category:Pashtun tribes and filed your page under WP:WikiProject Pashtun. At this point you should be good to move it out of your Userspace and to the article spaces with the Move tab.

MatthewVanitas (talk) 05:20, 5 April 2011 (UTC)

To: MatthewVanitas Thank you so much for the feedbacks. I am new to this and that was my first article. I appreciate your help. I will try to search more about Malik Nikpikhel but there is nothing on him other than what I have stated in my article. The rest of the information will be provided soon. I have questions about the following: you said, "I added the category Category:Pashtun tribes and filed your page under WP:WikiProject Pashtun". But the category wasn't added, maybe you added another Nikpikhel article becuase I might have sumbit it few times by mistake. Also I didnt see my page being filed under WP:WikiProject Pashtun. At last, you said, "At this point you should be good to move it out of your Userspace and to the article spaces with the Move tab." I didn't understand what you meant by that, what you mean by moving it to Userspace. I will be looking forward to hear more of your feed back. Thank you.

Ah, I see the problem; you had both a draft on your Userpage and also had a version in articlespace. My edits had been to your draft, so I just copy-pasted my edits into your articlespace. That's why you shouldn't have multiple drafts going on; it gets confusing. MatthewVanitas (talk) 22:34, 5 April 2011 (UTC)

Arden Cho

Hi. This is a new Biographies of Living Persons (BLP) article. May the article please receive feedback? I wasn't aware of the notice that appears when moving new articles to the Mainspace (the one that begins with 'This page is a new unreviewed article.'). Please let me know if it is necessary to move the article back into my Userspace during review. Thank you very much for your help and time! Okina (talk) 23:13, 4 April 2011 (UTC)