Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2011 July 23

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Abrition,Inc

Please approved my wikipedia article Abrition,Inc

Ansh Kapoor (talk) 07:50, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

It's been speedy-deleted (twice); please read WP:CORP, and WP:YFA.  Chzz  ►  12:03, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tori_Nonaka

I need help with making the sources line up. I'm not good with writing web pages, so any assistance on the formatting would be greatly appreciated. Feel free to edit the article in anyway to make it look better.

Jennyoda (talk) 13:19, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

Hi. I've added help on referencing, on your user talk page. It does need 'inline' references; see also WP:REFB. Cheers,  Chzz  ►  12:05, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

R. Tom Zuidema

Please review this new article, a short entry on the anthropologist R. Tom Zuidema.

Arjan82 (talk) 13:44, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

Not bad, but the language needs toning down a bit; He is well-known for his seminal contributions - those bolded words aren't appropriate encyclopaedic language, because they're not neutral, they're opinion rather than fact.

Also, it really needs a couple more references (at least), to demonstate significant coverage (thus establishing his notability).  Chzz  ►  12:10, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

Platband

This article is a translation from Russian. Link to source-article is in references.

Va.pechnikov (talk) 19:12, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

You mean, User:Va.pechnikov/Platband.

It needs references (such as books, newspaper articles); see WP:VRS. The Russian Wikipedia is not a reliable source (nor is the English one). All articles need reliable sources.  Chzz  ►  12:11, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

GreenPark Village

Hello, this is my third article. I am looking for feedback to iprove until it gets built. I know about there isn't much information, but that was due to my lack of time. Thanks!

Water14 (talk) 19:25, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

I think the 2nd ref isn't quite right, because it just says greenparkvillage.co.uk retrived 23 July 2011 with no link. You need to put the URL in there.

Instead of putting ...a proposed village near [[GreenPark Business Park|Green Park, Reading]]. - which appears like this;

...a proposed village near Green Park, Reading.

...you could put ...a proposed village near [[GreenPark Business Park|Green Park]], [[Reading]]. - which will look like this;

...a proposed village near Green Park, Reading.

Notice, the two separate links. See WP:LINKING.

I'm not convinced - from the references used - that this proposed village is actually notable yet; all articles need several reliable sources - is there more coverage in other publications?

You could also add some categories. The easiest way to get some is, have a look at other articles e.g. the article on Reading itself, at the categories there, and copy whichever might be applicable. They go right at the end of the page.  Chzz  ►  12:18, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

Whitstran, Washington

This is my first article. I would be grateful for any feedback. Thanks.

MrX (talk) 22:05, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

Great first effort.

There's too many pics, and they're all squidged up. Frankly, I'd just remove "A Horse in Whitstran" because it's nothing special (Sorry) - it looks the same as a horse anywhere. I mean, it'd be fine if the article was longer...but given the current size, there's too many pics.

The first part - the lede - should summarize the rest; it shouldn't contain novel information - especially if it is unreferenced. So for example, it says it's primarily an agricultural community but there's no further detail on that in the body-text, so it's an unreferenced claim.

You could add a few more links, such as Northern Pacific Railway. You could also link "unincorporated community" to our article on "Unincorporated area", I think - by putting "...[[Unincorporated area|unincorporated community]]..." - which appears as: ...unincorporated community... - see WP:LINKING.

You could also add links from other articles; currently, it's only linked from Benton County, Washington. You could add it to e.g. List of unincorporated communities in Washington. Have a look what a similar page such as Plymouth, Washington links to, using the "What Links Here" in toolbox.

For more ideas, it's worth looking at some really good articles on similar topics - so try browsing through some of WP:FA#Geography and places.

Best of luck,  Chzz  ►  12:31, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for the feedback; I really appreciate it. I will make the changes that you recommended.

MrX 19:37, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

User:Grantal/Marc Stears

Grantal (talk) 22:36, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

It looks fine, really.

Have a look at this edit, where I've improved the web references. See {{cite web}} - you could probably improve them further.

Instead of putting Fellow of [[University College, Oxford]], it'd be better to use a 'piped link' - Fellow of [[University College, Oxford|University College]], [[Oxford]] - which looks like: Fellow of University College, Oxford - see WP:LINKING.

You could improve it by adding an {{infobox person}} at the top, and {{Persondata}} at the end.

It could be moved to a live article; you could either do that yourself, or just put {{helpme}} on your own user talk page, and ask.  Chzz  ►  12:38, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

One Shot (2013 film)

This is a newly created page. I am requesting for someone to just have a look over it, as this is my first page creation.

The BBC are the other source... which i guess would be a better source.

Rtleak (talk) 22:36, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

I'm sorry, but for now I don't think it passes the notability requirements because it's a future movie, and doesn't seem to have "significant coverage" yet. IMDB is not a reliable source. See also Wikipedia:Planned Films.  Chzz  ►  12:42, 25 July 2011 (UTC)