Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/Archive 14

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CITY College, International Faculty of the University of Sheffield

To whom it may concern

I posted and article under the name of User:Floropolou for the CITY College, International Faculty of the University of Sheffield. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Floropoulou

I would like to get a feedback if the article is appropriate and valid to be published regarding to its content? The name of article should be CITY College, International Faculty of the University of Sheffield.

Many thanks in advance. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Floropoulou (talk • contribs) 10:25, 23 July 2009 (UTC)

Utah State Route 143

Just created this article, and while I think it's a pretty good start, I would like to get this up to Good Article status eventually. I'm going to try and get a map created for the infobox. What other improvements would you suggest? Thanks in advance. De FaultRyan 16:13, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

I think it's quite strong overall; good work. The structure and depth of detail seem right on, and it's consistent with the other SRs in Utah. At first I didn't know what this meant: "In 1963, the state legislature reversed the direction of the route, leaving it otherwise unchanged." How do you reverse a public highway? Then I saw your table, with mileage notes for the intersections. Are you referring to mile markers? Were they replaced with markers starting from "zero" at the other terminus? This could use some clarification; it may not be common knowledge for a route to have a "direction".

I notice you've linked "Utah Scenic Byway" and "Forest Service Byway" more than once; my reading of link density is that you should probably just link the first usage. Well done... keep going... Petershank (talk) 19:35, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for your input. I clarified the meaning of the term "reversal". This comes from the legislative description of the route. I'm not sure if they put mile markers on state routes back then, but if they did, I imagine they would have replaced/moved them to reflect the new beginning and end points of the route. Well, the two links of byway terms were fairly far apart, but you have a point there. I delinked the terms in the lead-in (to keep the lead-in cleaner) and kept the latter links, although I may elaborate on the actual byway status elsewhere if it would help the article. My gut tells me this is at or close to B-class status, so I might look at submitting it to a more thorough in-project peer review. Thanks again for your insights. Best of luck. De FaultRyan 21:08, 16 July 2009 (UTC)

Ryan, nice to read an article about a scenic highway. I hope this sets a trend, IMO they are more interesting than urban streets. My advice would be to focus more on the scenic aspects, rather than a turn-by-turn description. Unfortunately, I know that's tougher as you can hit WP:OR concerns. But I'd recommend to at least try. www.utah.com has articles about all officially declared scenic highways in the state, and meets WP:RS standards. I'd check them out.

Question, Is it really notable that the legislature reversed the legislative description? I know that's not the first time this has happened. The impression I get, is it's just a case of the legislature changing the description to conform with the modern convention that roads begin in the south/west and end in the north/east.

Putting the roadgeek hat on. =-) State Route 1 was only a paperwork designation, no highway was signed as such. Someone looking for State Route 1 on a Utah highway map won't find it. Also, The link to SR-1 in the history section points to Interstate 15. This is not technically correct, as the Interstate Highway System didn't yet exist in 1953. At this point in time, SR-1 was the internal state paperwork designation for U.S. Route 91. As such, I would just say US-91 and maybe put (SR-1) next to it, as this is what period maps would show. I'd also advise to search period newspapers for history of the lake and other scenic features that would relate to the highway. The legislative changes are a part of the history that can't be ignored, but that is not all the history behind the road.

That's some quick feedback, hope it helps. Dave (talk) 01:46, 17 July 2009 (UTC)

Thanks, that will help a lot. Most of my work on the highway projects has been more along the lines of starting new articles and making minor tweaks/expansions to existing ones. I haven't been as involved with GA-level enhancements, so this will help me get a feel for what makes a high-quality highway article. See you around Dave. De FaultRyan 20:50, 19 July 2009 (UTC)

(new indent thread)
I just rewrote the route description to incorporate your suggestions and did some other cleanup/tweaking. Still working on broadening the history section more (to include pre-legislative route history and history of the immediate area). How's it looking now? De FaultRyan 19:16, 22 July 2009 (UTC)

I like the latest changes. Good luck.Dave (talk) 04:44, 24 July 2009 (UTC)

Article on Thera Rising, Inc.

Hi there! My name's Ben and I'm the Marketing and Research Director for Thera Rising, Inc., a small St. Paul-based company. I'm looking at writing a Wikipedia article for the business, but I want to be very sure that I follow the posting criteria so that it doesn't come off looking like a marketing piece. Furthermore, this is my first Wikipedia article, so the formatting may not be perfect. It would really be great if I could get some feedback before I move the article over to live. You can see the draft that I saved to my user page here.

Thanks for your time! If you have any comments/criticisms/suggestions, please let me know!

(I think I got the signature to automatically link to my user page, but if not, here it is. Not that there's much there anyways.) —Preceding unsigned comment added by BenMMartin (talk • contribs) 17:24, 28 July 2009 (UTC)

So far you have no outside references. There are three citations, but all to your own company. You need to read wp:COI. Some editors may feel your position makes it impossible to directly contribute. The usual advice in the case of an existing article is to suggest that a contributor make suggestions and cite sources on the talk page, while letting other editors make the actual edits. That advice doesn't work in this case. I wish I could be more positive.--SPhilbrick T 02:06, 2 August 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geographers_on_Film

I am working on creating this page for what can be an important academic resource for educators in the field of geographic thought, and though I have reliable references and resources, including professional publications and annals of the Association of American Geographers, I cannot figure out how/where to add them. As you will see, the editors are calling for citations and reliable sources. Can anyone offer advice to this Wiki novice? Thanks, Wes —Preceding unsigned comment added by Wesdow (talk • contribs) 02:49, 30 July 2009 (UTC)

I added the reflist, which is key to seeing the citations. Check out wp:cite. I find it very useful to use an option Citation tool, which you can add by going to your preferences, (see the link at the top of the page), go to Gadgets, and click "reftools". That will add a tab at the end of your editing buttons; click on it and enter the relevant fields and it will create a citation for you. Place the citation in the main article, when you save, the footnote number will appear in the article, and the citaiton itself will show below "Notes".--SPhilbrick T 02:22, 2 August 2009 (UTC)

Definitions

This is with regards mostly to the science and mathematics related articles. If at all possible, if simpler definitions could be given for the more advanced terms, such as Planck's Constant, that would be greatly appriciated. See, I my current level of education is a High-School equivalent, but I very much enjoy studying the advanced conepts. This would help me to understand better. —Preceding unsigned comment added by 68.231.211.87 (talk) 05:10, 27 July 2009 (UTC)

You may wish to see if the Simple English Wikipedia has an easier article. Malinaccier (talk) 21:23, 4 August 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Gerda_Arendt

This is Gerda Arendt, new contributor from Germany and slightly overwhelmed by the amount of reading required before starting an article successfully. My intention (August 2) was to supply more information on composer and cellist Graham Waterhouse, who is on the "list of 21st century classical composers by name", than just his year of birth. I thought that once you are on a list like that you are notable ... The article was deleted before I even could mark it "hang on".

I improved the article in my user space and would like to discuss it.

Questions: Graham Waterhouse is born in England but lives in Germany, I would not know in which category to place him.

There is no general category "cellist" - redirected to "cello".

Which category would show "21st century classical composer"? --Gerda Arendt (talk) 16:58, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

Following the suggestions at Wikipedia:Categorization of people, I would categorize him into Category:German composers (or, if possible, one of its subcategories). As far as the deletion, I'm guessing that someone felt he wasn't notable. Notability of an individual is not required for inclusion on a list. Take a look at WP:COMPOSER for the applicable notability guideline, but basically, you need to tell us why he is important. cmadler (talk) 19:29, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

Founding Fathers

I just viewed the article "Founding Fathers" and note it includes within its definition a bunch of nonsense. The Founding Fathers were not every Tom, Dick, and Harry who lived in the USA in 1787, when the Constitutional Convention was held. The Founding Fathers are the fifty-five men who in secret drafted the founding document upon which the government of the United States of America was and is founded. The United States of America did not exist until 1788 when it was ratified by the states. There is only one Constitution for the nation which now exists as the United States of America and the men who wrote it are the Founding Fathers of the United States of America. Please, read Webster's Dictionary for the definition of Founding Fathers, with capital Fs.

The Declaration of Independence, for example, was a declaration of independence from King George, not the founding document of the United States of America.

Gene Garman —Preceding unsigned comment added by Gene Garman (talk • contribs) 05:40, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

I agree about capitalizing the Fs, but the declaration was in fact the precursor to the establishment of a nation (on paper, the constitution). Though many people do get these documents confused, for instance Jefferson states the 'all men are created equal' in the declaration, not in the Constitution (though it should have been) —Preceding unsigned comment added by Saberhr1 (talk • contribs) 06:23, 5 August 2009 (UTC)

You should probably raise these concerns on the article's talk page. cmadler (talk) 13:19, 11 August 2009 (UTC)

RUNNERS IN SCORING POSITION

If the lead off batter hits a double but does not score in that inning because the next three batters strike out, is that scored as "zero for one" OR "zero for three" with runners in scoring position?

Bob —Preceding unsigned comment added by Bob Ebertz (talk • contribs) 19:50, 9 August 2009 (UTC)

This is the wrong forum. Try asking at the entertainment reference desk, which includes sports. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 13:42, 11 August 2009 (UTC)

Mistake

On the list of best selling music artists it says Michael Jackson has sold 350 million, but that is a mistake he has in fact sold over 750 million, can you please correct this mistake. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Looshmj (talk • contribs) 11:36, 10 August 2009 (UTC)

Wikipedia is the encyclopedia that anyone can edit, so be bold and make the change! Just please remember to cite a reliable source for the information. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 13:26, 11 August 2009 (UTC)

Dispute with biased Wikipedian

Hi, I an a new Wikipedian. Unfortunately I have a bitter dispute with another biased Wikipedian who try to manipulate facts. No matter what kind of proof I submit he changes it his way. I would like an independent review of all the facts so the article can represent the truth, Thanks.--Rm125 (talk) 04:24, 11 August 2009 (UTC)

This is the wrong forum. Start at Wikipedia:Dispute resolution. -- œ ^™ 04:32, 11 August 2009 (UTC)

King Range Wilderness

I created this short article quite some time ago, and it has been sitting quietly unassessed since then. Any comments would be appreciated. Thank you in advance for your time. Sincerely, Marcia Wright (talk) 15:24, 12 August 2009 (UTC)

I think you've got a decent article going there. A few suggestions and improvement ideas:

Try to make your wikilinks appropriately specific, for example "Roosevelt elk" rather than "Roosevelt elk" and "bald eagle" rather than "bald eagle".
The article occaissional digresses into topic addressed elsewhere (and in some cases linked to), for example, "An estuary is broadly defined as..."
Although the sourcing is certainly adequate, I think additional sourcing could improve the article, particularly more secondary sources. Most of the citations seem to refer to BLM publications, which I would consider primary sources in this case.
Should the Rocks and Islands Wilderness really be part of this article, or is it really a separate area that should have its own article? If it does belong here, then more should be written about it, and a map of it (or showing its location) would be very helpful.
The article mentions several climate peculiarities or anomalies. Why is this area like this? Or, if no one is sure, what are the leading theories? Is this being researched by anyone? If so, what are they investigating, and if not, is there a particular reason?

I hope this gives you some ideas for continued improvement to the article! In terms of assigning a specific quality assessment grade, I'd probably put it at a strong C- or a weak B-class, but please take that with a grain of salt, as this topic is far outside any expertise or even familiarity I might claim. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 16:49, 12 August 2009 (UTC)

New Page - need help populating and formatting - Ground Zero Awareness Campaign

Hi.

I can't seem to find on the internet any central location for the "Ground Zero Awareness Campaign".

I can't find anything on Wikipedia either so I registered, got my home page up and made a sub page:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Burt987/Ground_Zero_Awareness_Campaign

Does anyone know anything worth adding to the above-lined page? Can anyone add any questions to the above page?

If there is an official Ground Zero Awareness Campaign website I would love to know what it is.

Since Wikipedia has almost everything about everything - I was hoping to get as much info on the Ground Zero Awareness Campaign as possible amassed in one location - Wikipedia.

Please LMK if you can help and please feel free to add stuff to the page.

Thanks.

Burt987 —Preceding unsigned comment added by Burt987 (talk • contribs) 04:43, 13 August 2009 (UTC)

Burt987, please take a look at suggestions for writing your first Wikipedia article and also at "What Wikipedia is not". Thanks, cmadler (talk) 15:14, 13 August 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Tennant

This is the WORST picture I've seen of David Tennant. And, as a fan, I've seen many pictures of him, some better than others. But this one is SO bad, that it almost seems that someone purposefully sought out the worst pic available. REALLY. I'm not being overly dramatic. Please consider changing it. —Preceding unsigned comment added by 71.207.46.40 (talk) 07:37, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

I'm not sure what you find so particularly bad about the image (and I'm not sure which image you are referring to); however, if you have a better photo to which you own the rights and are willing to release them, or if you know of a better photo which can be freely licensed, please upload it to Wikipedia and add it to the article. Keep in mind that because of Wikipedia's goal of being a free content encyclopedia, we generally cannot use copyrighted images of living people. See Wikipedia:Non-free content#Unacceptable use for more details. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 12:47, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

Veronica Papworth

I found nothing on Wikipedia about Veronica Papworth - illustrator and columnist - I have tried as a total newbie to follow instructions and set up a new page for her and for other's to add to this, but I seem to have a problem with setting this up. Could you take a look and feedback to me on where I have messed up please? —Preceding unsigned comment added by Jill Pack (talk • contribs) 09:39, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

You had the entire article encompased in the <ref> </ref> tags. I've fixed that and a couple other minor things. You can see exactly what I changed here. You will probably want to add some more detail to the article, particularly to tell people why Veronica Papworth is important and worthy of an encylopedia article, otherwise your article may be deleted. Take a look at our notability standard for people, and if you need help, you might ask at WikiProject Biography, a group of editors working on the creation, development, and organization of Wikipedia's articles about people. Thanks, and welcome to Wikipedia! cmadler (talk) 12:57, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

ESRO

I have done most of the work on this article. I would like to know what still needs to be improved and what is already acceptable. thanksU5K0 (talk) 18:29, 16 August 2009 (UTC)

You need more inline references. Many more. Bsimmons666 (talk) 22:48, 16 August 2009 (UTC)

And not just bunched up in the lead. -- œ ^™ 02:11, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

You need more references from third-party sources. Given that ESRO merged with ELDO to become ESA, ESA is not an independant source. cmadler (talk) 13:11, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

Request for first article feedback

Hello:

I am new. I would like feedback on this article in my user space User:Webmina/User/Webmina There is another article I am preparing that technically describes the CrystaSulf chemical process.

Thanks, Mary Y. Greening 03:55, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

I suggest that you start by adding reliable, third-party sources to your article. This might include journal articles about the technology, newspaper or magazine articles about the company, etc. These are needed to ensure that Wikipedia's notability guideline is met. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 13:08, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

Please be aware of our COI and spam guidelines. I see that you created a new account after your account User:Crystatech was blocked. Triplestop x3 01:21, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

International Foundation for Electoral Systems

I could really use some feedback at least on the quality of this article(please assess), or what I should do to improve it. Thank you much for your help, SADADS (talk) 13:56, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

I have rated this article as C class. It looks like a very good start so far, especially the use of sources.

To gain B class i think the main thing to improve is the article structure and prose. Reading articles with dozens of very small sub-sections can be tiring for a reader, giving them more reason to click away. I would remove the country sub-sub-section and write a single paragrpah for each country, with these paragraphs simply under the continent sub-section headings. It is also generally prefered that lists be written instead as prose paragraphs, so the history section and areas of activity could be written with this in mind.

The list of Party leaders etc seemed excessive to me. Those that are notable (ie have a wiki article) or especially important to the party should be covered elsewhere in the article, but the wholle list is not needed. Not a big deal now, but i expect it would prevent the article passing GA.

Good job so far, and good luck with future work on it!YobMod 19:40, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_Gazelle

The second paragraph on the above website page reads as follows:

" It probably lived in the better-watered mountain areas of sorth Africa rather than in deserts. The last record dated from before 1894. It is known from three specimens, which were purchased in markets in Algiers and Oran, northern Algeria, in the late nineteenth century. They are held in museums in Paris and London. "

I believe that the text that I have highlighted with bold text, should read "South Africa" rather than "sorth Africa"?

Regards An avid wikipedia user —Preceding unsigned comment added by 198.54.202.114 (talk) 05:49, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for pointing it out. I fixed it (should be "north Africa"). In future, if you see such problems, please be bold and edit yourself, or leave a note on the articles talk page, which will likely get a more expert response. Thanks again!YobMod 09:05, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

Daniel Solomon

Hi, I'd very much appreciate any feedback on my first article. It's still quite messy so I have it on my user page. User:Julie.crossman/Daniel_Solomon Thank you. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Julie.crossman (talk • contribs) 18:53, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

A few quick comments:

The lead is too short. Check out Wikipedia:Lead section. Keep in mind that many readers won't know the reference to "new Urbanism" and while you've linked it, you could help the reader and expand the lead by adding something here.
Articles must satify notability. While that may be satisfied by the link, I'm out of my depth here, so be prepared to be challenged by someone else.
"He taught at UC Berkeley from 1967 – 200?" I doubt this is proper, but I don't know the right answer. Sorry, but I'm just giving you a heads-up that someone might challenge it. I looked at wp:mos#dates but didn't see an answer.
“the relationship of urban land to hinterland, of the city to its transportation infrastructure, the city to its own history and the role of public space in the culture of the city” [4] This is dangling
"Peter Calthorpe, Andres Duany, Elizabeth Moule, Elizabeth Plater-Zyberk, Stefan Polyzoides, and Solomon founded the Chicago-based Congress for the New Urbanism in 1993." Awkward sentence - I don't like it starting with a list.
"The CNU's Charter of the New Urbanism says: We..." Consider setting off the quoted item as a blockquote. I wasn't sure where the quote ended - be clear on the distinction between quoted material and your words.
Consider going into your preferences, then gadgets, and clicking "reftools". It will give you a template to improve your references. You should add a Title, an access date, optionally a publisher and of course the url. The "Cite" tool will make it easy.
~~Look into reformatting the citation style of your external links. I'll do one as an example~~ My mistake, looks fine

BTW, good start

For the dates teaching at UC Berkeley, is he still teaching there? If so, it's better to say "He has taught at UC Berkeley since 1967." If he's no longer teaching there, it should be possible to find out when he left and put the specific year into the article. cmadler (talk) 14:35, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

new user needs help

I need feedback on my article "László Marton" for the English language wikipedia. Thank you, Dvornicsek —Preceding unsigned comment added by Dvornicsek (talk • contribs) 20:58, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%C3%A1szl%C3%B3_Marton

Hi,

I need feedback on my article. Thank you! Dvornicsek —Preceding unsigned comment added by Dvornicsek (talk • contribs) 21:01, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

Copying and pasting entire passages is still copyright violation even if you cite the source.. Plagiarism at best if stating that it's 'YOUR' article. Suggest you rewrite the entire article using your own words. -- œ ^™ 23:16, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

The free ecnyclopedia

I have a deep concern about articles becoming to damn advanced for the average, for example: Vitamin A, Vitamin B, Microwave). Additionally, the Firewire article is suprisingly too advanced and needs to be re-written. Of course I'm not saying that we should "dumb down" wikipedia but at least get the basic references stated. Does anybody else agree with me??? South Bay (talk) 01:08, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

It's a problem, to be sure. Experts sometimes write without perspective, and it can be harder for others to edit it down to the level of mere mortals. At any rate, you might want to check out http://simple.wikipedia.org - it's a site that tries to use simple English for all the articles. It's really cool, and could definitely use some extra help! ~ Amory (user • talk • contribs) 01:34, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

feedback please?

I am new to wikipedia and need help with my first article. The draft is currently under my user account (July271997). It is about a Palestinian composer/musician who has passed away (Mohsen Subhi). I wanted to:

(1) get feedback on it before I even try to make it public (2) learn how to upload pictures from the web (e.g. a CD cover) and some that are from my personal library, and (3) eventually get it published and accessible to the public. Thanks, —Preceding unsigned comment added by July271997 (talk • contribs) 16:21, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

I made link on the user's page, so it is easier to find.

Initial comments:

The writing and structure seem good. I changed the heading to be more in line with wiki standards, and added a references section. * If the article was created now, it would certainly attract templates about inline citations and wikifiying. To avoid these:
- more incline citations should be added that confirm the information given (from webstes or from books. If using print sources, please give the author, title, publisher, page numbers and ISBN number if possible); and
- link words to other wiki pages, especially uncommon nouns or complicated words, words that can be linked to interested related articles and certainly any foreign words like Oud. To make wikilinks, simply place double square brackets around a word like [[this]].
Consider using an infobox. The easiest way is to find one on another person article, and copy it across, changing the entries for each field.
To upload a image: 1) save it to your desktop. 2) Click on "upload file" in the menu to the left. 3) Browse to Select the file. 4) Give the file a simple unique name, preferably one that could be found by searching the persons name. 5)Select a license from the drop-down list (there is one for album covers i think). 6) Write a "fair use rational". This means giving reasons why the image is needed for that particular page, and detailing where the image comes from.

The WP:Composers talk page should be able to give you more specific advice on composer pages, and have links to many other composer articles so you can see the standards expected. They may even be able to help with article writing and sourcing! :)

Good job so far, hope you enjoy wikipedia and keep contributing.Yob Mod 20:06, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

Thank you!!!! I found your feedback very helpful. I feel like my article is ready to go up, can you give me another round of feedback? (i will look into the infobox later). also, if you think it's ready to go public, how do i do that? i moved the page but obviously that's something different. —Preceding unsigned comment added by July271997 (talk • contribs) 05:10, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire

We've put in a fair bit of work improving this article over the past week (compare to [1]), and are looking for suggestions for improvements. Does the article leave you with unanswered questions? In an ideal world, in which a suitable reference could be found for any fact, what else would you like to see in this article? On the other hand, do you see anything there that should be removed? Other suggestions? Also, the WikiProjects into which this article falls seem to be largely inactive, with the exception of WP:REENACT, for which I seem to be the only reviewer, so I'll ask here for opinions on how you think this article should be assessed, and what is needed to move it to the next level. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 17:37, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Hey, sorry your request for feedback wasn't answered sooner. I enjoyed reading this article! I'm sure it meets WP:BCLASS. I see that it has recently been nominated for GA, and I'm interested in seeing how that goes. A few good things I saw was that the article is very well referenced for the amount of prose it has, as well as being well structured. After reading the talk page, the only thing I would comment on, is that it probably should have at least one more photo in the article. If you can't decide on which photo to include, you could just create a category for them on Commons, and add the Template:Commons category box to this article. I think that would be a great addition. If you haven't seen, this is the page views that article has been getting this month. :-) Good work on everything. Killiondude (talk) 05:28, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks! I've added the commonscat template, and am working on putting more images (there are plenty of appropriately-licensed images of it on Flickr) into Commons. Please let me know if you have any other suggestions. cmadler (talk) 13:43, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

PLEASE CORRECT IT

I WOULD LIKE TO REQUEST ABOUT ARTICLE WRITTEN ON SIR ABDULLAH HAROON LINK GIVEN BELOW THAT IN ARTICLE IT IS MENTIONED THAT HE WAS A LEADING SINDHI BUSINESSMAN, BUT HE WAS NOT SINDHI HE WAS KUTCHI.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abdullah_Haroon

HIS FAMILY BELONGS FROM KUTCHI (INDIA).

THANK YOU,

RAMIS ALI —Preceding unsigned comment added by 116.71.57.97 (talk) 13:03, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

I see that you took care of it yourself. Any chance you also have some good sources for the article? It's desperately in need of them, and we could use your help! ~ Amory (user • talk • contribs) 13:12, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:BlueMagnet/Steve_Buckingham_(record_producer)

Help!

Trying to post this short bio for Steve Buckingham. Not patient enough for all this formatting... Please help me make this into wiki standard so I can post ASAP!

Thanks in Advance!

BlueMagnet (talk) 01:17, 21 August 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:BlueMagnet/Steve_Buckingham_(record_producer)

Removal of few photographs depicting Prophet Muhammad(PBUH)

Hi,

I would like you guys to remove photographs depicting Prophet Muhammad(PBUH) immediately. Its totally prohibited. Please remove them at the earliest and also add PBUH everytime Muhammad(pubh) is written. Please respect others faith.

Here is the link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muhammad

Mohammed Hamed Sajid —Preceding unsigned comment added by Mdhamedsajid (talk • contribs) 20:23, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

The discussion of this is at Talk:Muhammad/images - you're better off discussing it there. Bear in mind that when this has come up in the past, the general consensus has been to keep the images. We have a policy of not using (pbuh) or (saw); see Wikipedia:Manual of Style (Islam-related articles)#Muhammad. – iride scent 20:28, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

I think there is nothing wrong with using honorifics in talk space. Hans Adler 20:36, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

Oh, I agree with there, just not in articles. – iride scent 20:40, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

(ec)As you can see from the images themselves, there were times when the prohibition was interpreted differently within Islam. At the time depictions of Muhammad were considered admissible so long as the images were not worshipped. This is in conformance with a plain reading of the Qur'an, and everything else is a later tradition. Wikipedia isn't even an Islamic project, so we do not feel bound by this prohibition. Personally I would respect your feelings and those of many others, and remove these images from all articles other than depictions of Muhammad and perhaps a few other very specific articles about the history of Islam. But there is a general consensus not to do this. Hans Adler 20:36, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

As Hans Adler points out, the flat statement "Its totally prohibited" is not an accurate statement.

Furthermore, should the Islamic community reach a conclusion that such depictions are not allowed by Muslims, that decision would not apply to kafir (apostates are another matter). Please respect my beliefs.--SPhilbrick T 18:04, 21 August 2009 (UTC)

In any event, this page is not the place to discuss it. cmadler (talk) 18:16, 21 August 2009 (UTC)

DEAR LORD PLEASE HELP ME!! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:BlueMagnet/Steve_Buckingham_(record_producer)

Thanks in advance...

Sincerely, Blue BlueMagnet (talk) 01:51, 21 August 2009 (UTC)

It looks like you've got both internal and external links figured out. You can't add this photo, because it's a copyrighted image of a living person. Since it's possible to find a freely-licensed image or for someone to take a new photo and release it under a free license, we can't accept a copyrighted photo of him. The article can probably be moved to Steve Buckingham (record producer). Thanks, cmadler (talk) 14:31, 21 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks Cmadler! About the photo thing still... Steve Buckingham is the one asking me to put this Wikipedia page up for him, he gave me this photo to use for his website as it is his official publicity shot. I was the one who scanned in the photo, made the website and have direct permission to put this up for him, so how do I handle that? Thanks so much for your feedback!!

Sincerely, Blue

BlueMagnet (talk) 15:05, 21 August 2009 (UTC)

I see that you've uploaded the photo to Commons. To avoid any problems, you will probably want to have the person who owns the copyright on that photo send an email confirming that it is released to the public domain. See [2] for details. Also, since you have a direct connection to Buckingham, please be aware of our conflict of interest policy. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 16:54, 21 August 2009 (UTC)

Wizard101

Currently a start class Video Game article and often subject to more fan-based content than truly encyclopedic additions, I have recently pruned and reorganized the content starting here and ending here for the time being. I'd appreciate some feedback and tips on how to bring this to C class or better, I'm normally doing mostly gnome-type work. Thanks. MLauba (talk) 23:05, 22 August 2009 (UTC)

My top criticism of the article as it currently stands is that parts of the storyline and gameplay sections are written from an "in-universe" perspective, which needs to be corrected. These sections are also a bit confusing to someone (like me) who hasn't played the game. Finally, the only mentions I could find of player interaction are in the online safety features section (if this section were removed, and the term "MMORPG" were removed from the lead, a reader would never know that this wasn't a traditional one-player game), but player interaction is ususually a key element of an MMORPG. cmadler (talk) 12:44, 24 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the feedback. I've started trying to address the in-universe issue, if you would care to have a look and let me know if this makes it clearer for the non-player, I'd be grateful. MLauba (talk) 11:27, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

It's a bit better. The "Backstory" section doesn't really seem to be backstory but rather the plot of the game, at least near the beginning. (True backstory would be anything that happens before play begins.) That section needs some more work. For example, "The player successfully defeats each demon..." -- really? The player never loses? "The story however unfolds again in the next world, Grizzleheim, leading to new developments" sounds like an advertisement. Also, the comment I made above about player interaction still stands. Keep working on this, it's gradually getting better. cmadler (talk) 12:10, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

Re the player interaction, absolutely, I haven't even touched this so far. I'm focusing on the in-universe aspect first, and then tackle the rest :) Thanks again for the time. MLauba (talk) 12:29, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

Delta Cancris (aka Arkushanangarushashutu) One of the first times I've tried editing - something funny with first quote. Would love a hand here!

G'day folks

I'm a long time user, first time editor here & still learning the ropes. I have just tried to edit the Delta Cancris article. Had something odd happen to the first quote I've included there regarding the historic recorded occultation of Jupiter by Delta Cancris. Have added quite a bit to this article - incl. new references but not sure they've quite worked out. Also got a message about "whitespace" (?) not sure what the issue is there. Not brilliant with computers and going to be busy next few days I'm afraid but still any feedback or help with it would be very much appreciated. Sorry if anything I've done here breeches Wiki netiquette. Can you see my email address & email me about this? Or is that not possible or advisable?

Instead of spacing out the quotes, use blockquote tags: <blockquote>text here</blockquote>. I've also fixed the first quote in the article this way. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 19:17, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Dada Gujar

I had created an article on Dada Gujar. It was deleted stating that it was a copyright infringement and advertising. Please have a look at the article here: User:Hadapsar/Dada_Gujar and give me some feedback. Please see the talk page of the article to get my exchanges with the editors. Thanks. [[[User:Hadapsar|Hadapsar]] (talk) 04:10, 28 August 2009 (UTC)]

The other editors who left comments on the talk page are correct. In general, anything that anyone has written is copyrighted. (See WP:COPYVIO) Also, it is not written in a manner appropriate for an encyclopedia. (See WP:NPOV) cmadler (talk) 14:14, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

profanity in William Wundt article

Please remove the "masterbating" (sic) sentence several paragraphs from the top in the William Wundt posting.

Thank you. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Myquestforknowledge90210 (talk • contribs) 23:35, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Mount Hope Estate

I'm still working on it, but I think it's almost stable. In addition to general feedback and criticism, is there anything noticably missing from this coverage? Are any points unclear? Thanks, cmadler (talk) 18:05, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

Looks great to me. I fixed a couple typos, that was it. I'm not a fan of adding a footnote to a heading, but I've done it when I couldn't avoid it, and I don't see it discouraged in wp:cite. Two of the three pictures are almost identical, and the first is visually marred by the building or wall on the right. Consider cropping the first. Consider not having two images so similar.--SPhilbrick T 17:00, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

Please review - LMT Communications

Please review this article for posting.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Eirinidlm

thanks, Eirinidlm (talk) 15:19, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Sorry, but it comes across as a little too PRish for me.
Some peacock phrasing (Recognizing a strong need).
Listing the goal isn't really appropriate. Rather than

"The goal of the company was to create an business strategies magazine"

be more more straightforward:

"The company publishes a business strategies magazine"

I don't know enough about the industry to know how a circulation of 19k ranks, so I don't know whether this publication is notable.

Please look at wp:cite. You need references in reliable sources, linked to the text. The guideline will help you.--SPhilbrick T 17:14, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

My user page

Hi,

I'm trying to make a short information about Embedded Artists in the same way as has been made for IAR Systems. What am I doing wrong? —Preceding unsigned comment added by Hallmaria (talk • contribs) 12:28, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

I responded to this user at his/her talk page. ceranthor 13:02, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

In re: Gill

This is an article about a case currently pending before the Florida Third Circuit Court of Appeal which could overturn Florida's 31-year-old ban on adoption by gay men and lesbians, the only ban of its kind in the U.S. The trial court judge struck down the ban, but the state has appealed. The adoption ban has received wide-spread attention over the years, due to Anita Bryant's original campaign to pass it, Rosie O'Donnell's use of her talk show to try to have it repealed, and its inclusion as a major plot point in the movie Milk.

I'm looking for suggestions both to improve the article and general suggestions on writing better articles on court cases, as I want to expand the number of articles on landmark gay rights cases in Wikipedia. Viciouslies (talk) 16:32, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

Someone at WikiProject Law can probably help you with general advice on writing articles about court cases. cmadler (talk) 16:46, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks. I haven't found a lot of useful information there (or even a good way to ask for it) but I'll keep looking. Any suggestions for improving this specific article are definitely appreciated. Viciouslies (talk) 03:20, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

Mistress Absolutes Entry

Hello, I've tried to create this entry a few times so have set it up on my user page so that I can iron the details and issues with the article. I am very new to Wiki so sorry for any caused so far.

The page in question is http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Malstrome/Mistress_Absolute would it possible for it be reviewed and feedback given? —Preceding unsigned comment added by Malstrome (talk • contribs) 20:33, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

In theory, this is the right place to ask, but this site isn’t staffed as well as I would like. I’ll offer a couple comments, but I don’t want you to conclude that addressing my comments would be sufficient. You should look at some article for similar people to get a sense of style and requirements.

The second sentence “She is well known and revered worldwide’ is problematic. On one hand, it is important to establish notability early on, but on the other hand, it cannot simply be asserted, it needs to be sourced.

A slight complication is that it is desirable to write the opening section (Lead) as a summary of key points listed below. So points made in the lead don’t have to be directly sourced, as long as they are a summary of points made later in the article which are sourced.

Don’t simply say she is well-known. Cite references to support the statement.

Don’t say she is revered, she may be but that’s a conclusion an editor should not be making. if you want to use the word, find a quote from a reliable source.

Please read wp:Cite. While you have included some citations, they are not in the correct format. The guideline will help, and you can look at other articles for examples.

I saw a number of spelling and grammatical errors. One or two I would just correct, but there are quite a few, so I think you should do a read-through first.

I think you deliberately capitalized “Her” and “Herself”. That may be her preference, but it is not encyclopedic style.SPhilbrick T 13:09, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:AmaruKR/Sandbox David Newman Biography

Hello,

I'm new at Wikipedia and ready to post my first article, on Kirtan artist David Newman.

In the interest of disclosure, the subject is a client of mine (I maintain his website). I am aware of Wikipedia's policies on this so I have tried to maintain a neutral pov but would like to know if anyone sees anything that would be considered non-neutral. I wouldn't write an article about any client, in fact I've refused to do so before, however this particular person has colleagues and contemporaries on Wikipedia as well as a large and growing fan base so I do think he belongs here. Any help getting this article up would be appreciated.

Thank you! —Preceding unsigned comment added by AmaruKR (talk • contribs) 15:59, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

I'd suggest that he doesn't presently meet Wikipedia:Notability (music), though if his new CD is released on Nettwerk, he would then meet criterion 5 for musicians and ensembles. You might want to keep this in userspace until then. Also, since the "Musical Style" section is sourced only to his website, you should probably strengthen the attribution. Try something like "He describes his music as [insert direct quote]." cmadler (talk) 17:35, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

First thank you for creating this in a sandbox instead of creating it in the main space and then insisting that it not be deleted. I would agree with Cmadler, not quite notable enough yet. It could also use some cleanup which I would be happy to help with after we can establish a firmer notability. Tiggerjay (talk) 03:49, 4 September 2009 (UTC)

User:Mhughes2k/WEST (brewery)

Looking for a bit of feedback about an article regarding the WEST Brewery in Glasgow! --Mhughes2k (talk) 11:17, 4 September 2009 (UTC)

I think the awards, plus being the only Reinheitsgebot-compliant brewery in the UK establish notability, but this article needs better sourcing. Find some reviews of their beer, media coverage of the awards, etc. and the article would be much improved. You may want to add an explanation of how the brewery was "founded" in 2003 but didn't open until 2006. A few photos illustrating the outside of the building, the inside, the restaurant, etc. would also help. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 12:58, 4 September 2009 (UTC)

PLEASE....... PLEASE AND AGAIN PLEASE TO REMOVE IT

first of all i would like to say hi to every members of wekipedia

As we all Muslims have requesed you before to remove our PROPHET'S PICTURE (PBUH) FROM THIS SITE AND ITS SEEM

THAT NO ONE IS RESPONDING TO OUR REQUEST so we once again reuqest you to remove it as soon as possible . It is a

very serius thing .....please...please and please.

here is the link

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Maome.jpghttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Maome.jpg

or

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Mcrop.JPGhttp://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Mcrop.JPG —Preceding unsigned comment added by 77.31.41.98 (talk) 14:46, 4 September 2009 (UTC)

We understand your concern, and we understand your religious views. However you must understand that Wikipedia is not censored and that not everyone subscribes to your views/faith. You may, if you wish, disable images in your web browser, if you do not want to see the images. Please read the Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) near the top of the page here. ƒ(Δ)² 17:46, 4 September 2009 (UTC)

However, I do not understand your concern, and I do not understand your personal religious views. I have read the Qur'an and it does not prohibit depictions of Mohammed. You do have the right to politely ask for removal, but as such removal would be contrary to our principles, I politely decline. However, this is not even the forum to present such a request, it is the forum for feedback on existing articles you have written.--SPhilbrick T 01:07, 5 September 2009 (UTC)

Please provide feedback and formatting suggestions

Hello--

I hope this is the right place/method to get feedback on an article in development. It can be found here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Johncmorley/Camerado

Thanks for any feedback,

Johncmorley (talk) 11:38, 4 September 2009 (UTC)

This article has a number of issues:

It lacks reliable third-party sources (with the possible exception of IMDb, the reliability of which is debated).
Much of the article is contradicted by one source (After mentioning a brief stop in Cambodia in 2003, and his arrival in January 2005, Rosette writes, "As I've spent more time in Cambodia, I've se up my own film company called Camerado, which makes documentaries for NGOs that are active in the region.").
As currently presented in the article, Camerado may not meet Wikipedia's notability guideline. Note that, per WP:MOVIE, "listings in comprehensive film guides such as... the Internet Movie Database" are considered trivial coverage, which can be used to cite facts, but do not establish notability.

Thanks, cmadler (talk) 13:34, 4 September 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the feedback -- that particular ("contradicting") article does appear to contain factual errors though, since the Camerado title "BookWars" can be verifiably referenced to a year 2000 release. The article appears to mis-quote Camerado founder Jason Rosette, attributing an incorrect date to the start of Camerado's operations. So: I assume that source should not be used?

Johncmorley (talk) 04:38, 5 September 2009 (UTC)

About elizabeth II

in the section about elizabeth II 1080's about when she was shot at by blank bullets you forgot to say that canada offerd the queen a home for her family to say so that she could be better protected —Preceding unsigned comment added by 142.177.60.71 (talk) 03:22, 7 September 2009 (UTC)

Grigory Vorobiev

All,

Looking for some comments and suggestions on my first article on Wikipadia.

Thanks, --Agvorob (talk) 18:38, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

I think you're off to a pretty good start. The key thing that's missing is reliable, third-party sources, for now don't worry about whether they're in English or Russian (although since this is the English Wikipedia, English is preferred when available). I suggest that you could go ahead and move it to articlespace and continue working on it there. cmadler (talk) 19:34, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

Task Force for International Cooperation on Holocaust Education, Remembrance and Research

Hello, I recently created my first wiki article, Task Force for International Cooperation on Holocaust Education, Remembrance, and Research, and have been gradually trying to improve it. Any feedback would be very useful - in particular in relation to tone, which seems to be a problem. Thanks --Kameyer (talk) 19:54, 7 September 2009 (UTC)

principle of no-work-no-pay (dies non)

I have created this article about unauthorised absence of workers. Kindly send your valuable feedbacks on it.Anandkharebsnl (talk) 11:57, 5 September 2009 (UTC)

Please look at wp:cite. While you have provided some references, the reference style could be improved.
You need to establish {wp:n|Notability]]. I did a quick google search which convinced me that the phrase is common, even though I hadn't heard it before. However, whether I had heard of it or not, you need to establish that "no-work-no-pay" is notable - you have emphasized the references to "dies non", you need to add some for "no-work-no-pay".
In your second section, you assert, without qualification "The doctrine of "no-work-no-pay" is a fundamental axiom in industrial relations." I don't believe this is universally true. Addling references will probably help you determine where and when the statement is valid.
"When a person is employed, he is expected to carry out the work assigned to him." Please see if this can be written in a gender neutral fashion.
"Even die-hard trade union leaders respect this principle of equity and natural justice." I don't believe this is universally true. Again, adding proper references will probably help you understand when and where it is true.
In the fourth section, you are discussing the contents of a book. This is not a book review. It is good to have a reference to support the statements, but the statements should be written as statements about the concept in the banking industry, not statements about a book covering the industry.
The fifth section just appears to be a cite from a law, not put into context. I can guess why you think it is relevant, but the reader shouldn't have to guess.
The sixth section is a reference to a judgment, but the reference isn't properly formed, more importantly, there is no hint to the reader what was concluded and why it is relevant to this article.--SPhilbrick T 22:12, 5 September 2009 (UTC)

Re: Sphilbrick's comment about gender-neutral language: I have reworded the sentence (and the following one) so that it is gender-neutral. I agree with the other points Sphilbrick has made, plus would add the following point:

In several places, the article mentions practises in India - although the lead section does not mention that the article is about India specifically. The references also refer to Indian publications. As Wikipedia is a world-wide encyclopedia, I would suggest that either it is made explicit that this article refers to an Indian legality, or (far more preferable in my opinion) a search for references in other parts of the world (including, by by no means limited to, the UK, the US, the European Union, etc). I have placed a globalize tag on the page with this in mind, and will leave a message on the article's talk page about this. -- PhantomSteve (Contact Me, My Contribs) 21:17, 7 September 2009 (UTC)

Kent Plantation House

Hello. I have created the Kent Plantation House article. Right now, I am editing it on my user pages. Please tell me what you think. Click here to go to my article. Btilm 00:06, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

Could use some better prose but otherwise looks nice. You may want to consider a WP:DYK nom. -- œ ^™ 04:14, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

The only thing that I think looks out of place is the price of admission and opening times - that has a tone of advertising! -- PhantomSteve (Contact Me, My Contribs) 00:18, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

Schloss Eggenberg (Graz)

This article deals with the history and construction of Schloss Eggenberg in Graz. It draws on a number of sources including original Joanneum website information. I would like feedback on the article in every form to improve not only this article but others that I may wish to write dealing with the principle actors surrounding Schloss Eggenberg and the House of Eggenberg.

Oops, didn't properly link in the last post :-)

Thank you Smf77 (talk) 10:30, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

I wouldn't be too concerned about the use of the Joanneum website for citing facts, but value judgements such as the first sentance of the article need indepenant sourcing.
Five of the external links all go to the Joanneum museum website, unless these subpages are difficult to find it would probably be better just to give one main link for that site.
If it were me, I'd restructure the "Further Information" and "Notes and References" sections. Consider giving the full listings for all cited works once, in one place, using shorter listings for the footnotes, and only listing works that are not cited nor used as references for this article as "Further reading".
In section titles, only the first word and proper nouns should be capitalized. ("The Construction History of the Palace" should be "The construction history of the palace".) Likewise, be careful not to capitalize common nouns in the text. See Noun#Proper_nouns_and_common_nouns.
There are a number of statements in the article that really need citations, which you may be able to provide from the currently referenced works. (Examples: "In addition, three exquisite East Asian cabinets were integrated into the sequence of rooms." "From the early modern era there is only 1 view of Osaka (unfortunately in a poor condition), so these works are especially noteworthy.")

I hope this helps some. cmadler (talk) 14:03, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

Bible translations by language

I just (roughly) completed a merge on this page, and it still needs a significant amount of editing to maintain its B class. Before I start on the detailing though, I would appreciate some high level perspective on the goals and format of this article. Specifically:

This article was moved from List of Bible translations two years ago. Given its massive scope, it is only possible to provide a very brief treatment of every language in one article and I think it might be better to return to the previous name. Thoughts?
The lead uses a non standard list format in lieu of a TOC. If this article is being transformed to a true list, should we remove the list from the lede and restore the TOC?
Is it acceptable to footnote the external links (currently broken up by section) so they all appear in one section?
What portions of this article's content are good candidates for splitting/deletion to reduce the article's size?
Finally, there is an old suggestion on the talk page about converting this list into a sortable table. I like the idea. Does anyone have suggestions as to the appropriateness and feasibility of this suggestion? Jminthorne (talk) 21:53, 7 September 2009 (UTC)

Small add - as I look back at the page, I was mistaken about the B class statement; it is list class. Jminthorne (talk) 21:56, 7 September 2009 (UTC)

First the article name: I don't think "list of Bible translations" is the right place. I'd go with "list of Bible translations by language" - that's what you really have. There's no problem with a list article having a substantial amount of non-list text also.
I would remove the current list from the lede and replace it with a table of contents; however, it appears that some of the languages listed in the lede link directly to other articles rather than to sections of this one. You will want to make sure that each of these has a section in this article (even if the section consists only of a "see...") so they all show up in your new TOC.
It is certainly acceptable to combine all the external links in a single section at the end; in fact, that's the normal practice. But that might not work well for this article given the size and the intent to gradually spin off sections as their own articles.
In thinking about whether a section is big enough to stand on its own, I'd look at three factors. First, how much content is already written. The Cherokee section could probably be split off as a non-stub article as is. Second, how much could be written. There is probably not much that could ever be written about translations into Pipil, for example (unless a Bible translation helps revitalize the language). Finally, consider sources. If you don't have a source you can't write about it.
I would not convert this into a sortable table. I just don't see how to make that work well.
Do consider other ways to organize this information. For example, rather than listing alphabetically by language (which creates obvious problems for the table of contents), consider organizing them by language family (see List of language families). Then your top-level headings would be: Indo-European, Sino-Tibetan, Niger-Congo, Afro-Asiatic, Austronesian, Dravidian, Altaic, Austro-Asiatic, Tai-Kadai, Japonic, and Other (isolates, mixed languages, unclassified, etc.). If you brainstorm on it, I'm sure you can come up with other ways to organize that make more sense than "A-F", "G-L", etc. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 17:39, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

William Stanley (Victorian inventor)

I have created the above page of a very well known person in the South Norwood and Croydon areas of South London.

I have all the information there, all cited (using books, websites and newspaper articles - both online and offline).

All I need now is advice on how to tidy it up!

This is the first time that I have created a new article about a person in detail.

Any advice would be gratefully received! Thanks. -- PhantomSteve (Contact Me, My Contribs) 23:54, 9 September 2009 (UTC)

Starting points would be:

You have two different sets of footnotes that could probably be merged together. Also, I can't find any full citation for "Akpan", what is it?
Take a look at the Manual of Style for biographies. Particular items that jump out at me include:
- The alphabet soup of terms after his name in the lead, for which I can't find an explanation in the article.
- The lead should give more context. What are one or two specific things for which he is best known?
Consider rewriting the "Personal life and education" and "Work" sections. These seem to be a recitation of facts about him which jump around topically, and in many cases are single-sentance paragraphs.
Consider changing the "Legacy" section from a bullet-pointed list to paragraphs.
Several sections of the article are long lists, such as "Selected works". Consider moving these to the end of the article, after all the text, but still before the citations.
At the end of the "References" section, you have some additional listings, which it appears were not used in this article. Consider putting those in a separate section or sub-section, such as "Further reading".
For more detailed biography-specific advice, consider also asking for help at WikiProject Biography.

Good luck! cmadler (talk) 14:38, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for you feedback, cmadler. A couple of responses from me about them, as they are very helpful! (I'm going to print this off, along with the MOS entry, to refer to when working on the article)

The "Akpan" is refering the the book I used by Eloise Akpan, which was in the reference list, just after the citations list! I have moved it to be with the Notes section.
I will remove the letters after his name, as they are not required - they show the societies that he was a fellow of, but they could be removed with no loss!
The layout and re-writing advise you have given is invaluable - I will spend some time working on this (I started re-writing it as it was a whole lot of "In 1865, he ..." followed by the next paragraph "In 1867, he...", etc - it looked more like a diary than anything else!)
I will move the extra references into a separate section, as you advise.

I will do some more work on it over the next fews days (kids allowing!) and leave a message back here when I would appreciate further input (from you or others!) I will also leave a message at WP Biog when I do that

Once again, thanks for your invaluable constructive criticism, which is really helpful. -- PhantomSteve (Contact Me, My Contribs) 15:12, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

I have restructured the Notes/References section (merging into a Notes and References section), with the Akpan references listed after the citation for the book. I have also put the others in a "Further Reading". I'll do more work on this tonight (hopefully) and during the next few days. -- PhantomSteve (Contact Me, My Contribs) 15:21, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

My article on Mscore has no feedback and is still sitting in my contributions

When will this be reviewed and possibly made a live page for people to find?

Thanks! Dstokey —Preceding unsigned comment added by Dstokey (talk • contribs) 17:19, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

I think you misunderstand how the feedback requests work. Articles (especially those in user space such as your one User:Dstokey/Mscore) are not automatically reviewed. You need to make a request for it to be reviewed, by placing an entry on this page. To do this, go to the top of this page and read How to post a request and following the instructions there -- PhantomSteve (Contact Me, My Contribs) 17:39, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

This article is not appropriately written, and may not be an appropriate topic for Wikipedia. It is written like a press release or advertisement, does not give a good explanation of the significance of Mscore, and does not cite any reliable, third party sources. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 17:42, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

(edit conflict) A very quick (and I mean quick, as I've got to go offline in a minute) shows no references to independent sources (see WP:RELIABLE_SOURCES, and no specific indication of notability. However, if I get a chance to look at it later, I will - but no promises! -- PhantomSteve (Contact Me, My Contribs) 17:43, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

George Tsimbidaros-Fteris

Hello, I recently published an article I wrote about George Fteris, a famous Greek writer who wrote a song which had an impact on the Greks in WWII. It was rated as a "start class" article, and I am having troubles getting peer review to work. So, I would like feedback and suggestions for the article. Thanks a lot, --Iliada 13:31, 11 September 2009 (UTC)

I haven't looked at the article in depth, but two impressions came across:

although there are 4 references, there seemed a lot of parts of the article that weren't referenced, so they would benefit with more referencing
the final reference (Βενιζελέας, Γ.Η.. "ΓΕΩΡΓΙΟΣ ΦΤΕΡΗΣ") - if Google Translate is to be believed, this would be Venizelea, G.I.. "GEORGE FTERIS" - May I suggest that it be cited as Βενιζελέας, Γ.Η. (Venizelea, G.I). "ΓΕΩΡΓΙΟΣ ΦΤΕΡΗΣ" ("George Fteris") (in Greek) or even Venizelea, G.I. "ΓΕΩΡΓΙΟΣ ΦΤΕΡΗΣ" ("George Fteris") (in Greek)? Personally, I'd go for the latter, as this is the English-language wikipedia!

If I get a chance to, I'll look at it in more detail later -- PhantomSteve (Contact Me, My Contribs) 14:45, 11 September 2009 (UTC)

I agree with the first suggestion on the second point. I believe the guideline is that names should be given in their original language, and that when it uses a different alphabet, a transliteration should also be given. There's a policy or guideline on this somewhere, I've seen it within the last two days, but I can't find it at the moment. cmadler (talk) 15:16, 11 September 2009 (UTC)

I thought I'd seen it before, but what I found is Wikipedia:Verifiability#Non-English_sources which states that any quotations should be transliterated. Of course, if an English-language edition of the book was ever published, this would be the preferable source, but my searches didn't find any. Also, looking at the source for that citation [3], it says at the bottom of the page Δημοσίευση στη μηνιαία εικονογραφημένη επιθεώρηση «ΤΑΫΓΕΤΟΣ ΚΑΙ ΜΑΝΙΑΤΕΣ» του εκδότη Παν. Πετροπουλέα, Τ. 4 Μάιος 1978., which Google Translate renders as Published in monthly illustrated review «TAYGETOS AND MANIATES» issuer Univ. Petropoulos, T. 4 May 1978. - I couldn't find a reference to the book there. A Google search of the site reveals a few references to Βενιζελέας, Γ.Η/Γιώργου Η. Βενιζελέα (Venizelea George H) on various pages, as an illustrator. I think we need a fluent English/Greek editor to look at this in more detail - I think the citation should either be as a {{cite web}} one for that website, or as a {{cite news}} for Taygetos and Maniates - although I think that particular site is more to do with the third reference. *sigh* I wish I could read Greek myself -- PhantomSteve (Contact Me, My Contribs) 15:56, 11 September 2009 (UTC)

Parent Company Guarantee

Embarrassed when I received a late night text from my boss mentioning a PCG and I had to ask him what it stood for I was forced into my first Wikipedia article. Does it cut the mustard? Improvement welcomed. DrJock (talk) 17:26, 8 September 2009 (UTC)

The article needs a lot more context and explanation. Is this a legal principle or requirement, or is it an option that such a parent company can choose to offer? Both sources are in the UK, is this UK-specific or international? If the former, why, and if the latter, how does it vary from country to country? Are there any noteworthy examples of this? Related terms/principles? What is the history of this, both in practice and of the specific term? When and where did it originate? How common/widespread is it? Thanks, cmadler (talk) 15:01, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

I know the term as "parental guarantee" although a quick search doesn't indicate that this is a more common term. It may be worth noting that there are alternatives— something like "also known as "parental guarantee". (adding to cmadler's point, it is highly likely that the phrasing varies from legal jurisdiction to legal jurisdiction, so it may be worth checking a bit to see when each option is used.)I think the reference to contractor makes the concept too narrow. It is not uncommon for the parent of an insurance company to have to make a parental guarantee—specifically that the parent would pay obligations associated with insurance policies issued by the subsidiary. I see this as a classic example, but it isn't really a contractor relationship.--SPhilbrick T 23:28, 11 September 2009 (UTC)

Okay now to remove the BLP banner on the Robert Conley page?

I added more references to the Robert Conley Wikipedia page. They are primary source material from highly credible sources (The New York Times Archives, NBC News Archives, NPR online, Carnegie Foundation), fully supporting the who what, where, and when of the simple, factual claims made on the page. I think the page looks well referenced and ready for normal treatment. May I ask you to sanction the removal of the "additional references needed" banner?

Also, after one of the redesigns by one of the Wikipedia editors, where he/she collapsed four sections into one, there are four, relic, "section edit" boxes all in a row now, three of which should probably be deleted now, no?

Sincerely, Sinequaoui (talk) 13:53, 9 September 2009 (UTC)

One thing we don't do a good job of is explaining that anyone can remove the notice if they feel they have complied. That said, if someone added such a notice to an article I had worked on, I would want them to agree it is now OK. Looks to me like you did a great job, so go ahead and remove it. As to the multiple "edit" boxes, that's a glitch created by the fact that there are several images on the right side. WP:BUNCH addresses the issue, but I confess I haven't tried it myself, and I've seen other report that it works sometimes but not others. You might try putting one or more of the images on the left (but not the first).--SPhilbrick T 23:38, 11 September 2009 (UTC)

Ian Miller (illustrator), John Blanche, Confounding Factor (games company)

Hello. The title includes three article pages, which are the only ones I have started myself. The first two are fairly old now, although I have been doing some heavy editing on them in recent days, the third is a new page. I was looking around Wiki at help pages, etc., and found this page, so I thought I would seek some feedback as I have been working on each page as sole creator and editor. Any feedback and suggestions ould be appreciated. Thanks in advance. LSmok3 (talk) 12:51, 12 September 2009 (UTC)

Ian Miller

It is usual to include notability in the opening lead. Perhaps the Fighting Fantasy reference qualifies - it doesn't mean much to me, and he wasn't close tot he principal illustrator for the series, so I wonder if it qualifies. Illustrating Lovecraft means more to me, could that be mentioned?

The school reference in the Early life section was incorrect—I've fixed it. However, the main text now lists the name of the school at the time he attended it, and the info box lists the different, current name of the school. Potentially confusing. I don't know the best solution—one option is to include a parenthetical reference (now the Central Saint Martins College of Art and Design) in the Early Life section, but you may think up a better solution.

The first reference isn't searchable, which isn't your fault, but it might be worth a quick glance around to see if there is a higher quality version anywhere.

My main concern is that the Career section is a sequence of very short, one and occasionally two sentence paragraphs. I don't see an obvious way to combine, but it comes across as choppy. Given that the paragraphs are addressing different issues, the ideal approach would be to expand a few of them. Consider that option if you have the time and interest to make it a better article.--SPhilbrick T 14:51, 12 September 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for your input. Firestly, with regard to notability, he is well-known among FF fans and officionados for his early work for the series. Perhaps more important is the ref to Games Workshop, which is FF-related. Generally Miller is known in RPG circles, which includes both FF and GW (as one website puts it "fanboys know him from Games Workshop" here. The ref to his Lovecraft paperback contributions is merely one part of his general career as a book illustrator, and to be honest I only included it because I found a citable web source: even as a long-standing fan, it was news to me. He has also illustrated Tolkien-related material, which I'll work into the Career text somewhere (I have already added him to Category:Tolkien artists. Personally, although I have found one web ref to the Lovecraft paperbacks, I don't really feel it is a major enough part of his career for which he is known to include in the intro. His work for Wizards (the Bakshi film) is also of major note.

I see what you mean about the school name. I agree, the best solution would be the current title in parenthesis.

The (online version of the) first ref (to the Fantasy Art book) isn't searchable, no; it's a PDF made of images. Sadly I have searched around for online content for this, with no luck; it's very OOP, and apparently too obscure to be online in full anywhere - I only found the one I've used because it's included on the artist's official site. It would also be good to have access to a copy of Ratspike, for both Miller and Blanche, and some of his other books, but they are also hard to get hold of. . . I was hoping someone with a copy might turn up and add (properly) to the page. . .

I agree that the main body is, as you put it, choppy, made up of short paras. The problem is the lack of citable biographical information out there. Most sites just feature the artwork, and the only bio data I have is from the primary source (his site), and the book. That's it really. As I said, it would be good to have a copies of his other books, assuming they contain any biog. content, but for now I'm a bit stuck for ways to expand.

Thanks for your help. LSmok3 (talk) 16:21, 12 September 2009 (UTC)

Article

One Dale Graybill who has been convicted of a ponzi scheme (hence notablility) has affected the retirements of people around the United States . You or someone you know may have been affected by his actions. The Dollar amount is over $10,000,000.00 (10 mill. USD.)

I need to move it to articlespace and make it public , Your reviews and comments are appreciated. Expiditer (talk) 01:35, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

Draft article for Lake Erie Transit

I have a good basic article on Lake Erie Transit, a public bus service in SE Michigan. Saw that Toledo's TARTA has one, read some neat green features for LET and so drafted something. Found some good newspapers articles too. I used the helpme feature and received some help.

If anyone has time, would appreciate any other feedback. The article is on my special userpage http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Glasscity09/Lake_Erie_Transit

--Glasscity09 (talk) 17:00, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

That article is definitely off to a good start. I'd suggest that you go ahead and move it to Lake Erie Transit - go to the current location of the article, click the "Move" tab near the top of the screen, and put the new article name in the box when prompted.

Some other suggestions:

It looks like one of your references is cited twice. Instead of giving a full second citation, consider naming the reference so it can be used more than once.
Make sure to give the correct article title in each of your references. When using the citation template, the "title" is the title of the specific article cited, not the larger work.
The first mention of the subject of the article is always bolded.
Consider uploading a photo or two. Search for appropriately licensed images on Flickr, ask friends, or take some photos yourself.

Thanks, cmadler (talk) 17:58, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

I realized there was wrong info on the Lake Erie Transit Bus Transit info box. The original has a place for daily ridership. I have only found annual ridership (of about 400k). But, I don't know how to change the default Daily ridership to Annual??? Any suggestions? For now, I simply left that area blank. Thanks. --Glasscity09 (talk) 03:05, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

Wikipedia allows routine arithmetic calculations, including division. Assuming a 365-day operating year, 400,000 annual riders is approximately 1,096 daily riders, though since the initial figure is approximate, it might be better to say "about 1,100 daily riders" to avoid false precision. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 13:06, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

User:Ifokkema/LOVD_(Leiden_Open_Variation_Database)

Hi guys, This is my first article in which I found myself struggling between making it clearly notable without using terms like "most popular" or "most used". I would appreciate any comments you may have, before I move it to the articlespace. Thanks! Ifokkema (talk) 09:22, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

If it is the most popular or the most used, the article should say that, but it needs to be cited. The other suggestion that immediately occured to me is that when you move it to articlespace, you should put it at Leiden Open Variation Database with a redirect from LOVD, and switch the beginning of the article to read "The Leiden Open Variation Database (LOVD) is..." Thanks, cmadler (talk) 13:37, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

Thank you very much for your time and your suggestions! I have made the corrections and will now move the article to the location you suggested. Ifokkema (talk) 11:23, 17 September 2009 (UTC)

Marlene Tseng Yu

Hello, Wiki Editors!
I have created my first article in my userspace: Marlene Tseng Yu. Please help me to edit it and move it to articlespace, as I am not sure of the technical procedure to move it to articlespace (please advise). I will wait 4-5 days and make (10?) necessary changes in the meantime. Any feedback or changes are welcomed. Thanks!
Anav7043 (talk) 17:59, 15 September 2009 (UTC)

Thank you for creating this page in your userspace! I think this article is suitable for articlespace, and you can find full instructions on how to move a page at Help:Moving a page#How to move a page. If you have trouble with this, let me know and I can help you. One particular part of the article that could probably use a little cleaning up is the "External links" section, which strikes me as fairly long. Take a look at Wikipedia's external links guideline, and you may find that some of the links you've given should probably be removed. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 18:59, 15 September 2009 (UTC)

Thank you very much for your help! I appreciate it, and will make some changes. If I may post another question here, I would like to ask, how about "Categories"? Is that section automatically generated based on content? I know I am doing something wrong, as I tried to insert into the article the following, and it didn't work:

Categories: 1937 births Categories: Abstract expressionist artists Categories: American painters Categories: Asian Americans Categories: Chinese Americans Categories: Living People Categories: Modern painters Categories: University of Colorado alumni Categories: Women artists
Anav7043 (talk) 13:37, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

You're close. I see that you used the DEFAULTSORT template, which is good, it ensures that the article is listed under the person's last name. To put an article in (for example) the category called "1937 births", you would type [[Category:1937 Births]]. Also, since the category "Chinese Americans" is a subcategory of "Asian Americans", you would only want to include her in the former, not the latter. See Wikipedia:Categorization for more details. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 13:43, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

Also, keep in mind that it's best to make the categories as specific as possible, so instead of "Women artists", you might use "American women artists". cmadler (talk) 13:51, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

Excellent feedback! Thank you for all of your helpful advice. I have removed almost all of the external links as per the guideline, added categories, and specified the categories further as advised. Now I am waiting for the "move" button to appear. Does the ten required edits only apply to articles or can they also be changes to posts such as this one? If the ten edits only apply to articles, are they applied only towards articles in articlespace or can they apply towards articles I have in my userspace? I'm not sure what else to edit in the article I currently have in my userspace during the next couple of days. I am grateful for any suggestions. Perhaps I will try adding a photo.
Anav7043 (talk) 19:15, 18 September 2009 (UTC)

The move button appeared. The article in my userspace has been moved to article namespace.

Anav7043 (talk) 03:45, 19 September 2009 (UTC)

[[4]]

I have written an article on Dale Graybill who is notable due to his being involved in a Ponzi type of scheme which affected many people around the U.S.A.

He bilked investors to what amounted to over 10$ Million USD. The references or citations are department of Justice, FBI and IRS news release Documents. Also from newspapers in the local connecticut area. If you could please review the article and let me know if any changes need to be made I would greatly appreciate it. Expiditer (talk) 05:12, 14 September 2009 (UTC)

First, you are to be commended for starting this in a sandbox. I wish more people would follow your lead.

However, there are a number of problems with the article as it currently exists.

There are general layout issues - please take a look at WP:LAYOUT for some useful advice.

Specifically, it is important to have a WP:LEAD section establishing notability.

I don't know whether this person will meet the Notability threshold. While his Ponzi-scheme might, that does not automatically make the rest of his life (spouse, her career, his religion) notable. I hope someone more conversant in this issue will weigh in—I'd hate to encourage you to work on making this better if it is not going to meet the threshold.

Your need more references to the event in reliable sources. Yes, you do have some references, but where is the evidence this was discussed widely in the press?

Please make sure to review WP:CITE to see how to cite sources.

Sorry, I wish I could be more positive. Writing an article as your first contribution to Wikipedia is harder than some people realize. Consider making edits to other existing article to get a feel for how articles are structured.--SPhilbrick T 12:53, 14 September 2009 (UTC)

Please also take a look at the policy on biographies of living people, which applies in this case. It needs to be very carefully written and very well sourced to reliable sources. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 13:53, 14 September 2009 (UTC)

Thank you for your contributions, I appreciate the help, I do have a question however. If someone is notable, because of a deed or deeds that they do, doesn't that make them as a person, a notable person? Expiditer (talk) 03:18, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

Not necessarily. See "people notable only for one event" for a thorough explanation with examples. cmadler (talk) 12:57, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

I'm just trying to give you a heads up that notability for a deed does not automatically create notability for the people involved. (I wrote this before Cmadler weighed in with similar point) While it will often be the case, it doesn't always follow, so you will want to make sure there are reliable sources discussing the person, not just the event. An alternative would be to write an article about the Graybill Ponzi case (or something similar) and write it from the point of view of the incident, rather than as a biography. That would allow you to concentrate on sourcing the incident, and not have to deal with the fact that sourcing other details about the person are extremely thin.--SPhilbrick T 17:29, 19 September 2009 (UTC)

Article for review, Dale Graybill

Hello, I have made and article to the best of my ability as a noob, I would like to have a peer review. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Expiditer/Sandbox 01:38, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

Sorry I did the article below as well, but i messed it up Expiditer (talk) 01:38, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

I have some thoughts on your article:

When writing an article it's best to establish why the topic of your article is important in the first sentence (see 1st sentence format here). Just being convicted of tax evasion doesn't establish notability itself b/c many people have been convicted of the same thing. Also, since you're article is about a person you should also establish who he is in the first sentence, i.e. full name and birth date if known. Here's a good example of another article about someone else convicted of the same crime. In all wikipedia articles, the topic (in your case Dale Graybill) should always in bold font in the first sentence.
Because your article is small I only think the lead needs to be one paragraph. The 2nd and 3rd paragraphs sound like they should be in the body of you article MOS:BEGIN.
I really think you should wikilink Ponzi scheme in your article. What a ponzi scheme is, is not described in your article and I had no idea what it was until I searched for it on wikipedia. I would suggest giving a basic, textbook definition of what a ponzi scheme is to clarify what kind of crime you're describing and also wikilinking it so that people who want to learn more can go to the full article.
Your table of contents is a little odd to me. I don't think the "conviction" and "sentencing" section should be under "born". I also don't think you need that many sections because it makes your article appear choppy. It doesn't flow as smoothly because most of your prose is broken up into very small sections. I would suggest changing the born section into "early life" and putting "religion" and "marriage" within that section. I don't think there's a wikipedia policy on how TOC should be, this was just my opinion based on what I've seen. Here's a list of other articles about people convicted of tax evasion. Look at some of those and you can get a better idea of how to format your T.O.C.
You've provided good references but they need to be formatted correctly. Here's a list of citation templates. At minimum, it's most important to give retrieval dates for when you accessed a website. That way people who want to fact check you can use the wayback machine to do so.

If you like, You visit the wikipedia page on 1st articles for other guidelines WP:1ST. Hope this helps // Gbern3 (talk) 18:51, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

As I noted above, an alternative would be to rewrite the article about the Graybill Ponzi case (or something similar); writing it from the point of view of the incident, rather than as a biography. That would allow you to concentrate on sourcing the incident, and not have to deal with the fact that sourcing other details about the person are extremely thin.--SPhilbrick T 17:31, 19 September 2009 (UTC)

Jamaica Society of Energy Engineers Article

This page gives a brief outline of the Jamaica Society of Energy Engineers and how it was established. See article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jamaica_Society_of_Energy_Engineers

Great article!!

Mddwilliams (talk) 22:47, 18 September 2009 (UTC)

Great start! Please take a look at WP:FOOTNOTES. You are providing citations, but it is desirable to add access dates to web cites. Also, I find it very useful to use the cite tool, which you can enable by going to user preferences, then Gadgets, and selecting "reftools" in the Editing Gadgets section. This makes it easy to do citations.--SPhilbrick T 17:58, 19 September 2009 (UTC)

New page Industry (Irish band)

Hi, recently saved my first new page to wikipedia (see above title). provided references for all info within article. tried to layout the page as per other articles. Could you take a look/clean up/improve layout if not up to standard.

Kind regards,

Bryan (basedshift09)

Good start! Please take a look at WP:FOOTNOTES. You are providing citations, but it is desirable to add access dates to web cites. Also, I find it very useful to use the cite tool, which you can enable by going to user preferences, then Gadgets, and selecting "reftools" in the Editing Gadgets section. This makes it easy to do citations. Also, check out WP:LDR for a new (this week) method of doing references, which leaves the main page a little less messy. --SPhilbrick T 19:00, 19 September 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vicente_Villarin

Hi,

I am writing about an up and coming fashion line, Vicente Villarin. First time using Wikipedia and would like to have this reviewed.

Thanks

I guess I'm too late, as it has been deleted. Don't forget, if you had content you think could be expanded into an acceptable article, ask for Usification--SPhilbrick T 19:02, 19 September 2009 (UTC)

Vanished (Bakluon)

Any general feeback would be appreciated?

Are the citations acceptable in the External Links section?

Matthew Robinson Executive Producer Khmr Mekong Films

There is no reason to duplicate the references in the external links section. I'll see if I can improve it in any other way. decltype (talk) 19:24, 19 September 2009 (UTC)

Bacalar Chico National Park and Marine Reserve

I have just written an article on a national park and UNESCO World Heritage Site in Ambergris Caye, Belize. It outlines the history, governance, and natural features of the park. This is my first article for Wikipedia, so any help would be greatly appreciated.

Muidergracht (talk) 11:30, 19 September 2009 (UTC)Muidergract

Please take a look at WP:FOOTNOTES. You are proving references, but you haven't tied them back to the main text material. Your sourcing style doesn't fit any of the Wikipedia options, but take a look at a new option WP:LDR, which you can use to adapt your style to relatively easily. Consider paragraph breaks, your sections are long single paragraphs.--SPhilbrick T 19:12, 19 September 2009 (UTC)