Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Allegra Byron

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Allegra Byron[edit]

I'd like to turn this into an article with a good article rating. Please make suggestions on how to improve the article.--Bookworm857158367 05:37, 6 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Yannismarou[edit]

Nice article. It mostly needs some formatting adjustments, in order to be GA and maybe even FA. These are my remarks:

  • The lead should be a summary of the whole article. I'm not sure that this particular lead serves its role, because I see there important information not further analyzed in the main article. I suggest you take a look at WP:LEAD. Let me be clear: It is not a bad lead, but it may need some content revision and restructuring.
  • The same revision of content and restructuring may be needed in the next section, "Resemblances to Byron". First of all, you should tell the story from the beginning. Forget the lead! The article starts now! Where was she born? Explain us a bit the background of the relation between Lord Byron and Claire Clairmont. What was Byron's reaction to the news of Cairmont's pregnancy? And Clairmont? Was the pregnancy and the birth of the child good news for her? I suggest you follow a lineal narration of Allegra's short life and of the relevant events. Reading the whole article, I felt I was going back and forward, back and forward and that I was losing the course of Allegra's life.
  • Cite properly with footnotes. The research is good, but the formatting wrong. Read carefully WP:CITE, which is a part of WP:MoS. You can use either the Oxford or the Harvard system. The one in line citation you have is not properly written. Why don't you use the Template:Cite web?
  • "However, Percy Bysshe Shelley, who visited the toddler Allegra while she was being boarded with a family chosen by Byron, had a different opinion of the child's living arrangements over the years." I do not think you should start a new section with "however".
  • I think all your links in "See also" section are already linked within the main prose. So, I think you should get rid of this section. It is redundant.
  • I see no bibliography? Why?! The printed sources you have used should be mentioned in detail either in "Footnotes" or in a seperate section ("References"). For instance, what is "Eisler 1999". Title? Full name of the writer? ISBN? Publisher? Check also Template:Cite book.
  • In "Death, burial and a memorial" I see many stubby paragraphs. This is not nice for the prose.
  • I don't know if you would like to add a biography infobox in your article.--Yannismarou 19:49, 12 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]
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