Jump to content

Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Donal Lenihan

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Hi - I hope this article can be reviewed for the following reasons.

  1. It is of a well known Irish Rugby manager and sporting personality that should have a good Wiki article.
  2. There are a number of other articles for Irish rugby managers that if I get good feedback I will do similar work on them once I see the feedback.
  3. Just want to see how my wiki style is :-) as I have been editting and creating for some time and wanted some peer input.
  4. Got sick of patrolling and wanted to take a break and put a solid bit of time into makingthis article look better.

All help, feedback appreciated....--BustOut (talk) 16:13, 17 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

It's very short, and there are no images. You may like to try expanding the article, and investigating whether there are any free use images that can be uploaded/added. DrKiernan (talk) 12:56, 20 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Hag2

[edit]
  • This article needs lots of work. Editing mentally as soon as I began reading, I managed to make it through three sentences. The following are my reasons for abandoning the article after the third sentence:
  • First of all, the Infobox baffled me since it was so large but contained so little. However since you are writing about the game of rugby and about rugby players, I elected to ignore my bafflement, and move on...under the supposition that these kinds of articles require these kinds of Infoboxes.
  • The first sentence was missing vital punctuation—as is your above commentary. There was no opening parenthesis-bracket and the missing commas between adjectives bothered me greatly: they are absolutely necessary in this case. Also, the single sentence lead should be followed by something! Thus, I would move the town into a second sentence: for example—

"Donal Gerard Lenihan (born 12 September 1959) is a retired, Irish, rugby union player with 52 international caps. He was born in Cork."

— incidentally...which stinks. How will my ten-year-old daughter know what is meant by "international caps"?
  • Writing about a person on a first-name basis, is not encyclopedic. Nor is using acronyms without explaining them in full title. Thus,

"Donal was raised in a sporting background as his father Ger was a national boxing champion and GAA player. He was a student at UCC and played for the rugby team while studying there."

— is meaningless to me.

Spell them out first: Gaelic Athletic Association (GAA) and University College Cork (UCC).