Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/James R. Flynn (songwriter)

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James R. Flynn (songwriter)[edit]

I'm hoping that this article be reviewed by another editor mainly so that I can get feedback as to my job [as I was the main editor of this article] at writing Mr. Flynn's biography. I dont believe the artlce would ever be fetured, but I hope it can become a good article. This biography is a work in progress. I wrote the his biography at first, but did not include sources for his noteability. It has been rewritten and many more indipendent cites added. I desided to remove the noteability tag, hopefully not prematurely. Now that i've reworked it, i'm hoping I can get some advice as how to smooth it out. This is my first biography. The noteability issues brought up in the first draft of the biography is the reason for this peer review.Cindy Flynn (talk) 20:38, 27 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Yannismarou[edit]

  • First of all the conflict of interest tag should at a certain point go. It seems that there is a coi because of "Close relationships". Not only you but Flynn himself seems to have edited the article (edit summary:"minor change to my position on a need for a strong military"). This could be resolved, if third-party editors work on the article, and make sure it is NPOV.
  • Read WP:LEAD, and apply its instructions. The lead should be a summary of the article.
  • "James was born in Lewiston, Maine to Lawrence and Katherine (McIlroy) Flynn. He is the fourth out of five sons." What is this sentence doing alone?! Doesn't it belong to any sub-section?
  • "Early Adulthood" is uncited.
  • "government student financial aid. Flynn earned a master's degree in secondary school administration from the University of Southern, Maine". Avoid external jumps (external links within the main text) like this one. Make a proper citation.
  • Per MoS do not wikilink single years. Only year-month-date.
  • "Flynn is well known in the New England country music circle for his songwriting.[1] [8] [9] Flynn wrote his first song in 1960. This song was recorded by a group called "The Citations." Flynn received his first songwriting contract from Jimmie Davis, former governor of Louisiana and a member of the both the "Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum" and the "Country Music Songwriters Hall of Fame."" Choppy prose.
  • "Flynn's philosophy on songwriting is interesting." Uncyclopedic.
  • "He believes he is a "small frog in a small pond."". Meaning? And provide citation.
  • "Flynn finds enjoyment in simply knowing people are enjoying his music. Flynn adopts some of his songs to video, that he posts to a YouTube account." Again I do not like the prose.
  • "as a deterent to evil forces in the world". Which are the "evil forces of the world"?!
  • "He also grew up in Monmouth, Maine, a border town to Manchester, Maine, the hometown of Samantha Smith the notable child-activist." This sentence looks to me at least misplaced.
  • "Flynn enjoys writing story songs, and songs that pull the listener in." Again, what do you mean exactly? In general, the "philosophy" section has many problems and gives me a sense of OR.
  • "Jim is noted for his song writing ability,[1] and has been rewarded for his achievements by many organizations. In the 2005 DECMA awards, he won first place in the "Best Folk Songwriter" category for a song called "The Ballard of L.L. Bean", and took second place in two other songwriting categories." Again this sentence looks coming from Flynn's diary; not from an encyclopedic article. And I also have a problem with the source. I don;t think this Ytube video is in accord with WP:VERIFY and WP:Reliable sources.
  • "Jim is noted for his song writing ability". POV.
  • Put in the "See also" section only articles not linked in the main text. And why the Cold War link is related with Flynn?!

What mainly needs this article is less editing by Flynn himself! What you need in order to upgrade it is uninvolved editors to work on it, and verifiably sources to back Flynn's own edits, because, otherwise, the article suffers from OR. So, I'm more concerned about the CoI issues, and the quality of the sources, and less for the notability issue. Some of the web sites used look to me as not the best sources one could cite.--Yannismarou (talk) 16:29, 7 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

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