Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Jeff Hanneman/Archive1

Jeff Hanneman

I would like to get this to B class and potentially GA in the future. I can't find much information about his early life and I'm aware of the copyright problem with the image. Thanks. M3tal H3ad 05:09, 9 January 2007 (UTC)

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• Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.^[?]
• If this article is about a person, please add {{persondata|PLEASE SEE [[WP:PDATA]]!}} along with the required parameters to the article - see Wikipedia:Persondata for more information.^[?]
• Avoid using contractions like: didn't.
• Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.^[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Senators^{Talk | Contribs} 05:37, 10 January 2007 (UTC)

Done. M3tal H3ad 06:41, 10 January 2007 (UTC)

Yannismarou

• First of all, if this article is going to achieve status higher than start, it should be further expanded with the inclusion of more infos and analysis.
• We have nothing about his early years. The article starts straight away from his participating in the band.
• "In early 1982, Kerry King was trying for a position as guitarist in a band, with Hannemans friends." I don't fully understand this sentence. Maybe because I am not a native English speaker, but I also think it is not that clear. King and Hanneman's friends were trying for a position in a band? King and Hanneman were trying for a position in a band, where Hanneman's friends were playing? King, Hanneman and his friends were all trying for a position in a band?
• "Hanneman wrote the lyrics for the infamous song "Angel of Death", which lead to Slayer being accused of Nazism." I would like a citation for this particular sentence.
• "Slayer's earlier records were dominated by Hannemans song-writing, forming a music and lyric writing partnership with Tom Araya, which can overshadow the creative input of King." I don't like again the wording. In any case, this sentence needs citing.
• "Hanneman is interested in Nazi war medals Nazi Germany and ,the subject to much of the lyrics he writes." Huh?!
• "Hannemans father fought in Normandy during World War II and brothers in Vietnam, often talking about their experiences while at dinner.[1] War movies were shown on TV a lot and Hannemans brothers built tank and plane models, leading to Hannemans interest in warfare and Nazi history.[1]" This info should be better placed in an "Early years" section.
• I see many typos. The article needs a cleaning.
• "Medals" is stubby. Can you further expand it? Maybe you could put there the corpus of the "Nazism" controversy, maybe even renaming the section. But again try to avoid repetitions, because you also treat the "Nazi controversies" issue in previous sections as well.
• "Equipment" is listy IMO. Is this section necessary? If yes, could you turn it into proper prose?
• If the article gets more expanded, you could also add one-two more photos.
• Maybe you could add some further comments about the quality of his lyrics and of his playing as a guitarist.--Yannismarou 19:47, 11 January 2007 (UTC)

Thanks Yannismarou. I have made almost all the changes per your request. The equipment list is how it should be for guitarists and if turned into prose will be another stubby section, surely one list is ok. Commenting on the "quality" of his lyrics and music would be NPOV(for me anyway) and wouldn't have much to write about, i have commented on what he writes about though. M3tal H3ad 02:45, 14 January 2007 (UTC)

LuciferMorgan

The "Equipment" section would be better if it was changed to prose, and would be much more engaging. Here you could discuss how his choice of equipment may have evolved over the years and when etc., and why he's chosen to use certain instruments. LuciferMorgan 10:19, 14 January 2007 (UTC)

If it was changed it would be like, Jeff hanneman uses xx, xx, xx and has his own signature model as does slayer bassist Tom Araya. While on tour he takes six guitars with him, because of the different tuning and possibility of a string breaking. Which is all i can find :O M3tal H3ad 10:30, 14 January 2007 (UTC)

Done, although its not perfect i do believe it is better reading, ty. M3tal H3ad 11:51, 14 January 2007 (UTC)

KNAC.com interview you've used in the article. You'd be better off replacing the links to the original source, as opposed to the Slayer fansite. LuciferMorgan 13:17, 16 January 2007 (UTC)

Hanneman and King are rated at number 10 in a March 2004 list of the 100 greatest heavy metal guitarists as selected by Guitar World magazine's staff. This could go in a section discussing his style and influence LuciferMorgan 13:11, 16 January 2007 (UTC)

As concerns Hanneman's style, use interviews by the band members where they comment on Hanneman's style or he comments on it himself. Also, you could use the comments of music critics. I think a section discussing, with appropriate inline citations (removing crufty rubbish by some other metal editors), the guitarist's style and influence is integral to the article. LuciferMorgan 13:11, 16 January 2007 (UTC)