Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/Battle of Mount Austen, the Galloping Horse, and the Sea Horse

The following discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Battle of Mount Austen, the Galloping Horse, and the Sea Horse

Respectfully submit this article on a battle from the Guadalcanal Campaign for A-class review. Cla68 (talk) 03:28, 18 June 2008 (UTC)

Support: Some comments, though -

• The Japanese were taken by surprise, and by nightfall on August 8 the 11,000 Allied troops, primariy from the 1st Division of the United States Marine Corps under the command of Lieutenant General Alexander Vandegrift, secured Tulagi and nearby small islands as well as the Japanese airfield under construction at Lunga Point on Guadalcanal.
  • It seems like this could be long and akward for some. Could it possibly be split up into simpler sentences?
• Throughout the campaign, the Japanese used Mount Austen (called Bear Height by the Japanese and Mount Mambulu by the local Solomon Islanders), located west of the Lunga River and about 6 miles (9.7 km) from Henderson Field, to observe the American defenses around Lunga Point, to emplace artillery with which harassing fire was delivered on Henderson Field, and as a defensive point to protect their positions around the upper Matanikau valley and to protect the Maruyama Road which was a trail used to move men and supplies into the interior of the island.
  • Another huge sentence. Perhaps it could be split into - Throughout the campaign, the Japanese used Mount Austen (called Bear Height by the Japanese and Mount Mambulu by the local Solomon Islanders), located west of the Lunga River and about 6 miles (9.7 km) from Henderson Field, to observe the American defenses around Lunga Point. Emplaced artillery on Mount Austen delivered harassing fire on Henderson Field. The hill was also used a defensive point to protect their positions around the upper Matanikau valley and to protect the Maruyama Road which was a trail used to move men and supplies into the interior of the island.?

The following is from an automated peer review script, so it may or may not apply to the article - take this with a grain of salt!

• Per Wikipedia:Manual of Style (numbers), there should be a non-breaking space -   between a number and the unit of measurement. For example, instead of 300 yards, use 300 yards, which when you are editing the page, should look like: 300 yards.^[?]
• This article may need to undergo summary style, where a series of appropriate subpages are used. For example, if the article is United States, then an appropriate subpage would be History of the United States, such that a summary of the subpage exists on the mother article, while the subpage goes into more detail.^[?]
• There are a few occurrences of weasel words in this article- please observe WP:AWT. Certain phrases should specify exactly who supports, considers, believes, etc., such a view.
  • apparently
  • might be weasel words, and should be provided with proper citations (if they already do, or are not weasel terms, please strike this comment).^[?]
• Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
  • Vague terms of size often are unnecessary and redundant - “some”, “a variety/number/majority of”, “several”, “a few”, “many”, “any”, and “all”. For example, “All pigs are pink, so we thought of a number of ways to turn them green.”
• The script has spotted the following contractions: aren't, aren't, isn't, doesn't, if these are outside of quotations, they should be expanded.

Again, those are all based on a bot script, so they may or may not apply. However, as a whole this is a really good article and I'm glad to support its promotion to A-class. JonCatalán (talk) 16:26, 20 June 2008 (UTC)

• I appreciate the constructive criticism. I changed the two long sentences just as you suggested and am checking what the automated script found. Cla68 (talk) 05:43, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

• Support Another great article. I also have some comments:
  • Some sentances are too long, and are difficult to read (for instance "Throughout the campaign, the Japanese used Mount Austen (called Bear Height by the Japanese and Mount Mambulu by the local Solomon Islanders), located west of the Lunga River and about 6 miles (9.7 km) from Henderson Field, to observe the American defenses around Lunga Point, to emplace artillery with which harassing fire was delivered on Henderson Field, and as a defensive point to protect their positions around the upper Matanikau valley and to protect the Maruyama Road which was a trail used to move men and supplies into the interior of the island.")
  • "In the meantime, the Japanese secretly decided to abandon Guadalcanal" - 'secretly' seems redundant given that the Japanese weren't in the habit of (deliberetly) informing the Americans of their plans.
  • Why was Colonel Leroy E. Nelson replaced? - was he relieved due to poor results (and was this justified?), or was he wounded or sick?
  • "the tank, protected by a wedge of 16–18 riflemen" - what's meant by 'wedge' in this context? Can you just say "the tank, protected by 16–18 riflemen"?
  • Is it worth discusing whether the campaign to take the inland hills was nessessary or justified in retrospect? Given that the Japanese were clearly in difficulty and were dependent on their supply landing points in the coastal area, the Allies probably could have foregone these battles in retrospect. Nick Dowling (talk) 01:13, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

• Thank you for the review and constructive feedback. I broke-up some of the long sentences and made the other corrections you suggested. I had explained Nelson's relief in the footnotes, but added it now to the text. Only one source I've seen so far, and a source I haven't used in the article yet (No Bended Knee by Merrill B. Twining), discusses whether the Americans should have been trying to capture Mount Austen and the other, nearby hills in the first place. Twining, a 1st Marine Division staff officer who was treated rudely by Patch and his staff when they took over operations on Guadalcanal, argues that it should have been obvious that taking Mount Austen was a waste of time and resources. I think I'll add a sentence or two on that to the Aftermath section. Cla68 (talk) 05:54, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

• Support. Excellent article! --Eurocopter (talk) 20:11, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
• Support Well done. TomStar81 (Talk) 04:39, 25 June 2008 (UTC)

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page, such as the current discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.