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Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/John Perkins (Royal Navy officer)

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John Perkins (Royal Navy officer)

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Benea

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A few comments:

  • I find the style of disambiguation unusual. Going by the styles found in Category:Royal Navy admirals or Category:Royal Navy officers, 'John Perkins (Royal Navy officer)' would be a more appropriate form of disambiguation, rather than appending a nickname.
  • The style of writing ships followed by their rating or armament as you have done was common in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries (Endeavour schooner, or Antelope (50)) but is far less common now, and may confuse readers. I'd suggest writing this as 'the schooner Endeavour', or 'the 50-gun HMS Antelope').
  • There seems to be a lot of commentary or original research in this article. Instances like 'It can be inferred therefore that his father was white and his mother black and most probably a slave.', 'however, his disappointment is understandable considering his achievements', 'Clearly, familial, political and social influences played an important role in promotions and at the time the son of a slave could not expect the patronage of the wealthy and well connected.', 'The letters make clear the disappointment and heart ache of a man who had aided and armed the slaves, actively fought for their freedom and even been tortured and condemned to death for his involvement. He saw at first hand the fruits of his labour poisoned. His account of the massacres is far more personal and heartfelt than any impartial observer' should be removed. Just state the bare facts, without any commentary. Some sections like the little commentary of the likelihood of promotion based on family linkages probably does not belong here.
  • Many instances of WP:POV ('Captain John Perkins was an extraordinary character who lived many lives', 'In March 1804 after having completed this final and tragic mission...', etc). This needs to be removed.
  • Direct quotes should not be in bold type. (WP:MOSBOLD)
  • Date formatting should be in British-English/International format here, eg. 15 December 1798 instead of December 15, 1798.
  • Be careful that your sources support what you write. J.J. Colledge for example can be used to prove the existence of a ship, but not Perkins' involvement with it. Similarly while confirming Nelson was aboard Bristol Sugden does not support the statement that 'it is likely that Perkins met the future Admirals Nelson and Collingwood...'Benea (talk) 20:37, 29 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Juliancolton

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  • The lead seems a bit oddly formatted to me. The first paragraph needn't be only one sentence long, for instance.
  • At the beginning of his career in the service, In his first command during the American War of Independence he was in charge of a ten gun schooner. - Two sentences accidentally merged?
  • In less than two years in that command he captured not less than three hundred and fifteen enemy ships. - Quite a bit of redundancy here; I would amend this to: In under two years he captured 315 enemy ships.
  • After his rescue... - What rescue?
  • More wikification would be good in the lead (links to place names, etc.)

Hope this brief review helps a bit. Best, –Juliancolton | Talk 19:18, 30 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

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