Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Wendell Fertig

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Wendell Fertig[edit]

This was a stub that I took to B-class. Since then I have added a lot more and wish to have it peer reviewed. I'd like to see it go to A-class and even higher. Wendell Fertig was a Lt.Col. in the U.S. Army reserve and commanded the 10th Military District in the Philippines during the Japanese occupation. Several Web movie sites, including the NY Times, state that there is a movie "in development" on Fertig with Brad Pitt in the lead role. As such, this could become a popular page to view on WP. Thomas R. Fasulo (talk) 18:45, 27 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

AustralianRupert[edit]

Just a few quick style comments from me. Sorry, I don't have time at the moment to read the whole article. What I did read seemed quite good.

    • per WP:DASH emdashes should not be spaced;
    • per WP:PAIC, citations should go after punctuation;
    • per Wikipedia:MILMOS#Capitalization, ranks shouldn't be capitalised unless used as a proper noun, e.g Captain Fertig, or Fertig was commissioned as a captain;
    • the names of commissioned warships usually should be in italics, for instance "USS Narwhal" in the Fighting the Japanese section is not in italics,
    • per WP:LEAD the lead is a little too long, the general rule is a maximum of four paragraphs;
    • the end of some paragraphs is not covered with a citation, for instance the last part of the last sentence in the "Avoiding capture" section;
    • you might consider formatting the works in the References with the {{cite book}} or {{cite web}} templates as this will ensure that you use a consistent style;
    • for the books that are too old for ISBNs, you might consider adding OCLC numbers to them. These can be found by searching here: [1].

Keep up the good work. Cheers. AustralianRupert (talk) 22:20, 29 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Jim Sweeney[edit]

  • This His experience as an engineer, with its training in solving problems, would enable him to face the challenges as a leader of the Mindanao guerrillas. needs a cite and how did it ? could be POV.
    • Changed text slightly and added a quote from Schmidt (1982) to support above. Schmidt uses five sources to support his statement. Thanks. Thomas R. Fasulo (talk) 00:44, 5 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • So does this section Many of the emerging guerrilla forces at that time were simply bandit groups pretending to fight the Japanese, but really using the collapse of the American-supported government to set themselves up as rulers of local areas. These groups competed with each other for territory and authority.
  • Here as well When the war ended, Fertig resumed his career as an engineer. He is widely regarded as a hero by the people of Mindanao, and was a highly respected figure among the U.S. Special Forces.
  • The In fiction section is unreferenced and at only three lines should be expanded or included in the section above.
  • REFS 2 & 19 - 12 , 14 & 22 - 35 & 36 are the same consider using ref name.

Ian Rose[edit]

  • This is an ambitious biography that appears well-sourced and organised, however I'm concerned about the prose. I've listed some things below but this doesn't cover every part of the article by any means. Please have a go at addressing these specifically, and review the rest of the article to see if you can make similar improvements elsewhere. At some stage I may have time to perform a thorough copyedit myself, if you'd like. I think this does have the potential for GA/A and perhaps even FA, but the issues need to be addressed. From the top...
  • Finally got my new home system up and running. I'll attend to many of these comments over the weekend. I'm also looking forward to adding those images I discuss below. Thomas R. Fasulo (talk) 02:20, 24 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Pre-war
    • You have After he completed high school... followed by After graduating... -- Perhaps an "after" could become "following" or some such to avoid repetition.
Reworded. Thanks. Thomas R. Fasulo (talk) 12:55, 24 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • United States Army Corps of Engineers is linked twice in successive sentences. Aside from delinking the second instance, perhaps it could just be shortened to "Engineers" to avoid repetition.
Funny, how you can overlook some things. I shortened to "Army Engineers." Thomas R. Fasulo (talk) 01:46, 19 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • In January 1942, after the U.S. Army began evacuating the wives and children of military families. Mary Fertig and their two daughters, Patricia and Jean, left on the last evacuation ship to leave the Philippines and returned to the United States. -- As it stands, I assume the full stop after "families" is supposed to be a comma but even so, it's a long and comlex sentence, so could we say In January 1942, the U.S. Army began evacuating the wives and children of military families. Mary Fertig and their two daughters, Patricia and Jean, left on the last evacuation ship to leave the Philippines, and returned to the United States.?
Actually, that wouldn't be quite correct, as the U.S. began evacuating dependents in the latter half of 1941. The Fertigs left on the last ship in January 1942. This according to an interview with Fertig's daughter that is no longer on the Web. Another source says they left earlier. I'll see what I can do. Thomas R. Fasulo (talk) 00:46, 25 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • "Unfortunately" is an emotive term, and doesn't really belong in a WP article.
Fixed. Thanks. Thomas R. Fasulo (talk) 02:30, 24 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Early war experiences
    • Some of Fertig's duties during the retreat to Bataan and Corregidor were the destruction of supplies left behind by retreating American forces. -- Probably better rendered as Among Fertig's duties during the retreat to Bataan and Corregidor was the destruction of supplies left behind by retreating American forces.
Done. Thanks.
    • He even drove his new Dodge car into Manila Bay. -- Not certain of the significance of this, are we saying he used his own private vehicle during his supply-destroying forays?
I see this as attention to detail and a little light humor that helps every story. I reworded it. Thanks. Thomas R. Fasulo (talk) 20:23, 25 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Avoiding capture
    • "red-goatee" doesn't need a hyphen.
Fixed. thanks. Thomas R. Fasulo (talk) 02:20, 24 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • Even Americans serving in his command often referred to him as "The Old Man". -- I'm not sure this is as significant as the Filipinos calling him "old man", I think many Allied soldiers referred to their particular CO as "The Old Man"...
Deleted. Thanks. Thomas R. Fasulo (talk) 02:26, 24 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • "i.e.," doesn't need a comma, just the two full stops.
Fixed. Thanks. Thomas R. Fasulo (talk) 02:20, 24 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • "amazing" isn't very encyclopedic -- "major" or "serious" would be preferable.
Reworded. Thanks. Thomas R. Fasulo (talk) 02:33, 24 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • It seemed an impossible task, until their makeshift radio worked and they began to receive transmissions from other radios. But were they successfully transmitting? Then, on 31 January 1943, the U.S. Navy radio monitoring station in San Francisco answered their call sign! -- This reads like a Boys' Own adventure, suggest rewording to something like Their makeshift radio worked and they began to receive transmissions from other radios. However they had no way of knowing if their own transmissions were successful until, on 31 January 1943, the U.S. Navy radio monitoring station in San Francisco answered their call sign.
Reworded. Thanks. Thomas R. Fasulo (talk) 02:38, 24 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • You use "In fact" twice in successive sentences -- it's actually preferable to avoid this phrase entirely in encyclopedic articles.
Deleted throughout. Thanks. Thomas R. Fasulo (talk) 02:26, 24 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • Their role, as Smith and Parsons immediately explained to Fertig, was to verify if he was actually leading a resistance movement and, if so, was it worth the risk of men and supplies to support him. -- Probably better rendered as Their role, as Smith and Parsons immediately explained to Fertig, was to verify that he was actually leading a resistance movement and, if so, whether if was worth the risk of men and supplies to support him.
I had to read that three times before I saw the word change. But I see your point. Correction made. Thanks. Thomas R. Fasulo (talk) 20:27, 25 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • The guerrillas only purpose... -- "guerrillas" is plural possessive, so needs an inverted comma at the end.
Fixed. Thanks. Thomas R. Fasulo (talk) 02:20, 24 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
    • Fertig's most appalling lack -- "serious" is more encyclopedic than "appalling".
Fixed. Thanks. Thomas R. Fasulo (talk) 02:20, 24 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Post-war
    • Considering just Fertig's military achievements in the Philippines at great risk of his life, why did he not receive the Medal of Honor? And why, when he commanded so irregular guerrillas, was he not promoted to the rank of brigadier general when other men, never in combat, often received that rank as the U.S. Army army grew in size? Was this a deliberate effort by MacArthur or his staff to minimize Fertig's achievements? Considering MacArthur's professed love for the Philippines and its people, you wonder why he would not reward a man who helped the Filipinos maintain their honor during the war by resisting the Japanese so effectively. -- These sort of rhetorical questions and personal pronouns don't belong in an encyclopedic article, you'd need to rephrase this to something like Various scholars such as [...] have questioned why... or some such, otherwise it looks like editorialising and/or original research.
Reworded this, deleted and added text, citation, etc. Thanks. There is a lot more about this in Manchester and Schmidt. Also, tales of infighting between U.S. Navy and Army, with Fertig in the middle and a loser whichever side he supported. This finishes your suggestions here, but I'll be reviewing the entire article in the next few days to see what else I might change. Thanks for your help. Thomas R. Fasulo (talk) 21:19, 25 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Leaving prose issues aside for the moment, the body looks a bit spartan without any images. Are there any others of Fertig? Failing that, there may be some 'contextual' ones you could add, for instance of Filipino guerillas in action. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 14:48, 18 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Thanks for the idea, as I never even thought of associated images. I searched WP Commons tonight and found several I could use. I will look them over later this week and select some. I know of only four images of Fertig, including the one in the article. That one took the help of another, more experienced, editor to get approved. Another is owned by the Colorado School of Mines, and they want their name, logo and such included. A third is of Fertig in typical SE Asian peasant hat with goatee. It had to be taken on Mindanao. After my experience with the first image, I shied away from uploading it. I may try again. A fourth is on Peter Parson's page about his father Charles Parsons, but it just says "guerrilla leader" even though it is obvious it is Fertig. Charles and Peter apparently didn't like Fertig and Peter never answered my request about the image, although I had discussed his father's WP page with him over several days. I'm getting a new home system tomorrow and may not be able to work from here for few days. I sometimes steal time at work. We'll see. Thomas R. Fasulo (talk) 01:44, 20 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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