Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Hurricane Ida (2009)/archive1

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by Karanacs 14:06, 4 May 2010 [1].

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Hurricane Ida (2009)

Hurricane Ida (2009) (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views)

Nominator(s): Cyclonebiskit (talk) 15:25, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

• Featured article candidates/Hurricane Ida (2009)/archive1

Hurricane Ida was a rare November hurricane that affected areas from Costa Rica to Maine. Ida is only one of a handful of hurricanes to enter the Gulf of Mexico during November. Throughout the storm's path, it produced heavy rains and gusty winds. Only one fatality was directly linked to the storm in the United States; however, six other deaths took place as a result of a nor'easter which formed as a result of Ida's dissipation. Overall, Ida affected more regions than any other storm during the 2009 Atlantic hurricane season and was the only one to make landfall at hurricane intensity. All thoughts and comments are welcome, Cyclonebiskit (talk) 15:25, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

• Comments. No dab links or dead external links. Ucucha 15:59, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

• Oppose
• Some sentences are a bit verbose or have redundant words, meaning the quality isn't quite brilliant. Here are some examples that could use tweaking.
  • Only voluntary evacuations were issued in the states and most schools and non-emergency offices were closed on November 9 and 10 in the region.
  • Hundreds of homes were damaged and destroyed and roughly 40,000 people were left homeless. - can you find a way to avoid "and destroyed and"?

• Reworded Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:06, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

• • Very warm sea surface temperatures ahead of the system would allow for substantial intensification; however, wind shear over the area quickly increased, resulting in modest strengthening. - just say what it did and why. Even I had trouble with that sentence.
  • to rapidly weaken - no split infinitives.
  • . However - sentences shouldn't start with "However". Either rewrite it so "However" isn't the first word, or replace the preceding period with a semicolon. You do this occassionally in the article.
  • By the morning of November 10, all convection associated with Ida was displaced to the northeast and the forward motion of the storm slowed substantially. - again, avoid the passive voice, but this sentence is a bit of a run-on. I'm curious, why did it slow down in the northern Gulf of Mexico?
• Overall, avoid using the passive voice (was used, were killed, etc). In the lede alone, I see ten examples of passive voice in the lede alone. Wherever possible, rewrite the sentence to use active voice.
• What was the status of the missing people in Nicaragua? Shouldn't we know by now if they were killed or not?

• tweaked Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:06, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

• In the Met. history, why did it move so slowly when it first formed?
• In the 2nd paragraph of the met. history, "Early the next day" - unless that follows a sentence that mentions a date, you should always rewrite the new date, as in this instance.
• You should mention the Saffir-Simpson scale when you say "Category 1", since no one knows what a Category 1 is. Alternatively, you can say it became a hurricane without saying the Category. Later, however, you say Category 2 with a similar lack of context.
• When it made landfall in Nicaragua, you should write the time, since "Several hours later" has no context with "Early the next day", since neither are definitive.
• You said there was wind shear when it reached the Carib, although you don't say how it was able to reintensify info a hurricane in the Yucatan Channel.
• the NHC issued a tropical storm warning for the entire coastline of Nicaragua and the nearby islands of San Andrés and Providencia - I don't think that's true, actually. The NHC only issues tropical storm warnings for the United States.
• The most severe damage took place in Karawala and Corn Island... there, 500 homes... were destroyed... On Corn Island, 40 homes were destroyed - so, between Karawala and Corn Island, 500 homes were destroyed, but in actuality, 460 of them were in Karawala? That's confusing, and could use explanation. Also, later, you say "Final damage assessments from the Nicaraguan Government for mainland Nicaragua ... stated that 283 homes were destroyed". How can that be, if 500 homes were destroyed between Karawala and Corn Island? Consistency is needed in the article, even if sources are inconsistent.

• Reworded a bit Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:06, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

• Are there any more meteorological details? Most storm articles have rainfall first, followed by wind reports (surely there must have been some), mudslides, and flooding. Also, you say "Rainfall produced by the storm was significantly less than anticipated according to satellite derived estimates" - it'd be good if you said how much satellites estimated.

• I haven't found any reports of winds in my searches other than the landfall winds. I've moved the rainfall first and expanded it a bit too. Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:06, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

• Was there damage in Honduras?

• Already noted in the article. Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:06, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

• That's a good start. Let me know when you address these. ♬♩ Hurricanehink (talk) 19:51, 14 April 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the very useful comments Hink, I'll continue working on them throughout the day. As for the passive voice issues, can you give me some help with how to correct them? I'm still rather lost on what to do. Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:06, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

No problem. For the passive voice, it's rather simple, just rewrite the sentence so the ordering is better. Instead of

"Areas from Panama to Maine were affected by either the storm or the subsequent nor'easter."

It should be...

"Either the storm or the subsequent nor'easter affected areas from Panama to Maine."

Note how the sentence is much more engaging. Instead of "Florida was affected by the storm", just "The storm affected Florida." Notice when you reword it, it can sound more boring. If it's just a simple change of wording, that means the original wording was just as boring and non-informative. You want the most concise wording possible in an article. ♬♩ Hurricanehink (talk) 14:48, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

Not really a passive/active voice issue, but the proposed revision of that sentence seems to imply the opposite of the intended meaning (not that that areas were affected by one or the other, but that we're not sure which one affected the areas from Panama to Maine). –Juliancolton | ^Talk 21:13, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

Well, that was just one example for how to fix passive voice. It's up to the author to decide when it's best and when it isn't. ♬♩ Hurricanehink (talk) 21:23, 15 April 2010 (UTC)

• One more comment.
  • "After slowly tracking eastward for several hours, the remnants of Ida dissipated" - that implies the wrong thing. Just say the surface circulation dissipated.
• Many of my above comments haven't been met yet, so I'll have to oppose for now. ♬♩ Hurricanehink (talk) 17:47, 29 April 2010 (UTC)

• Comments - Some suggestions and questions...
• The 80 mph bit appears twice in three sentences (as does a link to Nicaragua, which, incidentally, is linked five times).
• A nor'easter developed from its remnants, which affected much of the eastern United States. - This wording is inconsistent with the TCR, and indeed the rest of the article. The nor'easter didn't develop from the remnants, it simply involved them.
• Just curious, why do you link Maine and Panama but not other U.S. states or countries?
• Only voluntary evacuations were issued in the states and most schools and non-emergency offices were closed on November 9 and 10 in the region. - It seems a bit informal to refer to it as "the states" (at least IMO).

"the states" refers to the states mentioned in the preceeding sentence. Cyclonebiskit (talk) 13:37, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

I see. I copyedited that sentence a bit. –Juliancolton | ^Talk 14:46, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

• Several people were reportedly missing in Nicaragua after the storm wrought severe damage to coastal towns; however, post-storm reports denied these claims. - Too detailed for the lead I think.

Otherwise the lead looks good. –Juliancolton | ^Talk 13:00, 16 April 2010 (UTC)

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.