Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Joseph Massino/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by GrahamColm 22:39, 4 October 2012 [1].

Joseph Massino[edit]

Joseph Massino (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views)

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Nominator(s): Lenin and McCarthy | (Complain here) 17:39, 9 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

The first New York Mafia boss to turn state's evidence, and I think it could be Wikipedia's first Mafia FA if it passes. Recently passed GA and a peer review closed without notice. On the latter I noted a couple things I had wanted to find out more on, but I'm pretty sure I've got just about everything in this that could be verified. Lenin and McCarthy | (Complain here) 17:39, 9 September 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments hopefully to kickstart a more thorough review. These comments relate to the lead:

  • "served as the boss of the Bonanno crime family" - I wonder if "served" is the appropriate verb here. It sounds like he was doing a public service. "Acted as" might be better.
    • "Acted" actually might be iffy because there's such a thing as "acting boss" - someone who carries out the day-to-day work of running the family if the boss is in jail. I'll just put "was."
  • "from 1991 to 2004" → "from 1991 until 2004" (to make sense of the rest of the sentence)
  • On a point of arithmetic, arranging the murders of " first a trio of rebel captains, then his rival Dominic Napolitano" amounts to four, not two murders.
    • The main thing was it was two events. Not sure exactly what wording I could use to properly show this.
  • "Imprisioned" does not exist. I expect you meant "imprisoned", but in this context the proper usage is "in prison"
  • There is an awkward "as" repeat in "Massino became known as "The Last Don" as..." Suggest replace the second "as" with a comma.
  • "In July 2004 Massino was finally convicted..." As he had a previous racketeering conviction the word "finally" is not appropriate.
  • What are "made men"? Mob jargon for superior hoodlums, no doubt, but it's not a term readily understood in the UK
    • People who have been formally initiated into a crime family. A bit of a long explanation, perhaps. Should I just link it?
  • "He was also facing the death penalty for another murder case..." Had he been convicted? If so I suggest change the last word to "conviction"; otherwise, make it "in", not "for"
  • "but after agreeing to testify..." Expand a little, e.g.: "but after agreeing to testify against his former associates..."
  • The word "instead" is awkward and unnecessary.

I have not looked at the rest of the prose, but a quick glance reveals the use on occasions of very short single-sentence paragraphs which can affect the smooth reading of the prose. Another thing: I see inconsistency in the use of both single and double quote marks, e.g. Anthony "Bruno" Indelicato and (same paragraph) 'Brasco'. Check thoughout, and be consistent (double quote marks are normal.

Source review - spotchecks not done

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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